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Active Questions

Why do women like emotionally and/or physically unavailable guys?
Dating / 3:30 PM - Thursday January 29, 2009

Why do women like emotionally and/or physically unavailable guys?

I'm just going to put this out there--I really think I'm attracted to emotionally and/or physically unavailable guys. If they live several hours away from me, or don't want a relationship, I'm totally in love with them. However, if they want any kind of committment or live in my city, I'm simply not interested. My question is, why?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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As a guy, I can only be angered by this. The guys you don't want are almost in your face and you are passing them by? I think that is what distinguishes a girl from a woman. Emotionally unavailable guys do nothing but pump and dump, and the guys in different time zones/state/county lines even, have more of a chance than someone who wants to drive 15 minutes to see you? I think you need some growth and or a little maturity to realize and understand that you are becoming the person who says, "There are no good men out there.", when in actuality, your eyes aren't open to the men right there. So sorry if tis sounded angry, wasn't my intent, but it's more frustration because I've dealt with girls who do the very thing you're saying you do and it is honestly becoming a lot more ridiculous as time goes by.

- Response by micoll, A Life of the Party, Male, 26-28, Medical / Dental

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the age old theory which applies to both want what you can't have.

the guys you can have are boring because they require no effort. even if a handsome guy gave everything to you on a plate, you would soon get bored of him.

you're not attracted to emotionally unstable guys, these are just people who make you believe you have to work hard to get them

- Response by mantis, A Creative, Male, 18-21

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You are attracted to those kind of guys because they are safe. There are no expectations, no time schedules, etc. No real need for serious "engagement".

Relationship patterns begin to emerge as you have noted, and we owe it to ourselves to figure out the "why's". When you figure out the answers to those questions, it will be easier to move forward and try to establish new attractions/patterns for relationships that can truly be meaningful.

- Response by uasked, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65

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Well you would say that these men are commitment phobic, but the reality of the situation is you choose these type of relationships because you yourself have commitment issues and by keeping them at a distance, them not being available, etc. then you don't have to relate to them on a deep emotional level and/or make a serious commitment to them.

Read the book "He's Scared, She's Scared". It will amaze you!

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Your age alone pretty much says it all. Most women your age are like that. I know because I dealt with it a lot from women when I was your age. As a former "nice guy," I thought expressing myself to women was what women liked. But I found out the hard way that that is a huge myth. Most women your age don't want a guy who is available whenever you want to be around him. Most women like a guy who is a bit of an asshole because many women think they can "change" him into what they want him to be. The assholes are different, they play women, bang them and leave them, and are emotionally unavailable. I have found out that women like to chase men just as much as guys like to chase women. So with you I think it's all about the chase. The harder, the better. The bad thing is that you may also become one of those women once you reach your thirties who constantly complain that there no good men out there, when the reality is that you bypassed them all or treated them all like shit when you were younger, and now you're suddenly alone. It's something you may grow out of once you're older, but considering your age at the moment, you're not even remotely the only woman your age who does things like this. Take it from me, I have dealt with what seems like dozens of women like you when I was your age.

- Response by newdad, A Jock, Male, 36-45, Las Vegas, Transportation

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You are obsessed with the turnaround. You want one of these guys to finally realize how great you are and abandon all their wanton ways and completely commit to you in the most embarrasing "I'd do anything to be with her" way. Good luck with...I think I saw that happen in a movie once.

- Response by 7zebras, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, New York, Financial / Banking

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