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I know he loves me so why does he still cheat
Dating / 11:54 PM - Tuesday January 27, 2009

i know he loves me so why does he still cheat

my boyfriend who i've been with for 5years, 2 yrs. seriously, is the sweetest nicest man in world to me. He adores me yet every once in a while he'll let his ex stop over our apartment and she'll actually call me and tell me he wanted to have sex but she didn't sp they didn't. He doesn't want to be with her cause he could if he wanted to, she's madly in love with him still. He'll apologizes up and down says he's gona marry me, please don't leave, why does he still do it? She only came over once in dec.08, before that was 2years ago when he cheated on me with her, but that's also when we decided to move in together cause he didn't want to lose me, he told me he cheated, chose me over her and told me to move in. He says he feels bad for his ex cause shes crazy and they were together for 10 years and engaged. I say so what I was married for 8 years previously and have no contact with ex. Why is he doing this? Especially when she calls me and tells me things, why wouldn;t he get angry about that, I love him with all my heart but have almost come to accept that she'll never be out of the picture

- Asked by A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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You might very well love him.

But if you settle for "this"...her never being out of the picture.

You might end up paying all your life for it.. :(

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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I'm seeing all this and it come down to this little sentence sweetheart---"you don;t need this." I'd find someone who isn't going to sandwich you in like that.

- Response by 1feistypepper, A Life of the Party, Female, 29-35, Hospitality

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Some guys will hold on to one girl forever. Even if they are with someone else. If I wanted to, I guarantee you that I could walk up to my ex's house and say I want you back and he would dump whoever he is with and get back with me. Now I am not going to do that because I am so glad the two of us are completely done... but I'm just saying, most guys will have that one. Do they have kids together?! You need to tell him that if he really does love you then he needs to show it and prove to you that he won't see her. I would be totally pissed if my boyfriend had his ex come over to OUR house. Talk it out.

- Response by countrygirl1008, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Retail

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The reasons he still cheats and still have her in his life is because you allow him to do it. One day is hoping you three can and will live happily ever after. You have to demand the respect you want and deserve. My best friend is in a similar situation with her husband, a best friend not an ex (but who knows), but the situation is worst. You know why because she allowed the lines to be crossed too many times and accepting it, so now he treats his best friend with more respect and she better not utter a word about his best friend. Same thing he tells her things, the best friend tells her things and is allowed to disrespect her and they gang up on her as well. Example, best friend, since me and your husband had a fallen out, I bet his treating you better now. She has listened and watch him cry over this women when she doesn't have time to spend with him. I can go one but this will be your story one day if you continue to allow him to do this to you. In regards to your last statement - Loving someone should not bring you such conflict to your sanity. Don't disregard your respect. When you love yourself you won't allow someone to treat you with disrespect. If you let him know you will not continue to allow him to treat you this way...he'll probably listen to you. If he doesn't then you should and know what to do. Men always say they do what the women allow them to do...remember that.

- Response by keepingon, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Instead of answering your question Ill tell you similar story not with as many years but generally similar.

I started seeing this guy who had just been dumped by his gf of 2 years. Well as soon as we started to talk she all of a sudden wanted him back. He didnt know exactly what he wanted to do cause she had hurt him really badly. His options were go back to the girl he had planned a future with who broke his heart and didnt care, or this new girl that he had a crush on since the day he saw her. Well in the beginning he choose me, but she became ever more presistant that he decided that dating wouldnt be the best idea, so we stayed together but not with the title. Well as time went by she became a little more crazy and eventually lost almost all of her friends for several months. And all the while he continued to talk to her and hangout with her especially cause she had "no one" this lead to her calling me leaving me messages saying that they were together. As time went by it came to the part in which i just felt kicked out of his life so it was just over without a word being said. Months later we somehow started talking again and the feelings and the love was still there and they're relationship was over again. So we decided to take it slowly this time. Lets just say 3 months of us talking to each other again and in 2 months of us dating. I found them cuddled on his couch and she was 2 months pregnant. Now I'm happy with someone else who loves me and they aren't really happy but are getting married? I know they arent' happy because shes written me since apologizing for everything she had done.

She would also call me as well and had even left a message using his phone.

What would you have told me if the you were there before the second time we got back together?

- Response by goldenkitten, A Creative, Female, 22-25

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He continues to do this because you ALLOW him to do it.

And he always will until you put your foot down or end it.

- Response by jezmebaby, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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You claim he loves you but still cheats! Love is not a feeling, love is a verb. It is action.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
Sorry, but he does not love you nor does he respect you.

- Response by mistyjean, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Simple, he's a narcissit and needs constant admiration. His ex provides him with that by telling him she's still in love with him. You provide him with that too because you're staying in this relationship. You are both giving him the message that he indeed must be someone really really special because although, he's a)cheating on you and b)giving false hope to his ex, you girls are not complaining. You think you are competing for this man but the truth is that, he wants to keep you both in his life to get 'narcissistic supply'.
A guy like that cannot love you or her. He loves only himself.
Statistically, 'bigamists' are narcissists - in the medical sense! It's a real disorder. Narcissus died alone. He will end up alone.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 36-45, Fitness

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i think your right there is a ex in the picture and proule will stay there cause you allow it to happen..i would have never moved in after his affair he would have showed me she was totally over first..your being used like a yoyo..

- Response by lynn65, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Honey, He needs to cut it off with her....nad that is that. If he seriously loves you and does not want to lose you, then he really should lose her. Sounds like he wants his cake? Know what I mean? No I am sorry he should tell her to get lost, so he can have a life with you, it will just always cause a problem between you two.

- Response by voodoo68, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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OMG girlfriend do you need a wall to fall down on you? This guy is using both of you. He doesn't love either one of you. Just because he's sweet and kind to you so what? The fact that he's still in touch with an ex is a big no no IMO. I had an ex that used to keep in touch with ALL of his old girlfriends and I soon found out that they were more than friends--he was secretly e-mailing all of them and acting as though he cared for each and every one of them as more than friends. I hate to say it but you are an idiot if you don't kick this guy to the curb ASAP.

- Response by gingerface45, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55

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