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Active Questions

Can you remain friends with someone you have feelings for?
Friendship / 6:31 PM - Friday January 23, 2009

Can you remain friends with someone you have feelings for?

Can you remain friends if you know your feelings aren't reciprocated?

- Asked by molbiogirl, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Absolutely....but then again, I know how to curtain my feelings from standing in the way of my friendship. I wouldn't want to ruin the friendship I have by allowing my selfish needs to take priority...

- Response by richard77, A Creative, Male, Who Cares?

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It's very difficult becuase they know that you like them and it almost feels like they are enjoying seeing you being tortured like that. It is almost not worth being friends but then like their company and you are atleast friends and might not completley lose him if guys remain friends....good luck

- Response by gaffb, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28, Toronto, Administrative

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I can, and I have, but it is tough ... very tough. At first it can be easy to remain friends, but you have to put certain 'restrictions' on that friendship. As in, 'don't talk to me about your girlfriends', things like that. Otherwise, you end up letting them cry on your shoulder and then crying into your own pillow.

Sometimes, without the restrictions, if you will, you only end up hurting yourself ... tremendously.

Remaining friends is hard, you have to know that it is more important to you that you have a friend than nothing.

- Response by melpomme, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Philadelphia, Teaching

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I would choose not to because in the end it would hurt me more than it could possibly help.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I can't, I always want more

- Response by sunshine26, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles

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- Response by hooker, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, New Orleans, Retired

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Been there done that to many times.

- Response by shyguy63, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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I think so, as long as the person giving the strong feelings doesn't make themselves believe they can get the other friend to fall for them. things dont work like that. but a good friend is a good friend:) You might find out it's just a crush you both can move past:)

- Response by sk8terchick, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Fitness

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If the person will simply ACT like a friend, it makes a huge difference. By that, I mean including you in her plans and occasions, and returning phone calls.
Usually, when we hear, "Let's-Just-Be-Friends" , it's the furthest thing from that person's mind.

- Response by creepyolderguy, A Player, Male, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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As long as they don't abuse that fact yes you can but if and when they do they not only where never your true friend but you have cursed luck of loving a wrong person for "anyone at all " ...

- Response by shygirl1979, A Sportif, Female, 22-25, Teaching

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Can I? Yes, but for the life of me, I can't imagine why anyone would CHOOSE, by their own free will, to endure that kind of slow torture. Makes no sense to me whatsoever.

- Response by floridagirl, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Yes there are a couple of guys who I'm good friends with that I used to really like and although I had 'feelings' for them, we soon realized that the feelings were more a friendship thing than a relationship thing...I think that if you are able to accept that you won't be together or that this person is only a friend, you can have a great relationship...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Yes, I believe you can, if you want to be in their life enough. It is hard, and you may question the decision of it at many times.

- Response by daniflower7, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, St.Louis, Who Cares?

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Dear molbiogirl, you can try but sounds like you will only get hurt in the end.


- Response by momcat, A Sportif, Female, 56-65, Administrative

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Yes I could, but I wouldnt willingly choose to. It would be just asking for torture!

I agree with the other post above about putting certain 'restrictions' on the relationship, but depending how strongly you feel about this person even that may be too hard to want to deal with. I wouldnt do it... that, to me, is just the same as remaning friends with an ex that you still love/are in love with. Nah ill pass, I'd rather just make a clean break and let it heal

- Response by mrshopkins, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

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NO! It will be to painfull, and will always hope you can rekindle. May be tempted to try and ruin other lives. Also if gives that person too much power over your life, your happiness and contentment.

- Response by wolverinesegg, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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I am currently debating this very topic, he just got engaged and I am in love with him but have never met anyone as genuine as him so I don't want to lose him, he's an amazing friend and so not like typical other guys. I want to be friends so much, but honestly, I don't think I can, at least not for the moment.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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My advice is to allow yourself some space & time to find another love interest and try to keep emotional distance from your "friend". Otherwise you're buying a ticket on an emotional rollercoaster that will most likely break your heart.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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No. Why? What is in it for you? There is no benefit to this one sided relationship...your feelings will never be returned unless its a tease.

- Response by clip22, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Executive

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Certainly! This begs the question, what is the alternative? Would anyone suggest terminating a perfectly good friendship merely because deeper feelings are unrequited. We are adults here. This istuation will come up for most of us at one time or another.

- Response by gilpill, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Internet / New Media

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I've had feelings for one of my best guy friends for three years and just recently have i gotten over him. believe me, i know what its like, and its horrible. yea you can get used to it, but you're never going to really be happy with your decision. I think its the absolute worst feeilng in the world to sit next to someone you love and not be able to kiss them, or hold hands with them, all the things you take for granite when you're in a relationship. I know you dont want to loose them, and if you think you can take the pain, go for it. Once you decide to be friends though, its hard to cross that line from "just friends" to "more than friends"

- Response by A Creative, Female, 22-25

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I've had this happen twice, and even though my ego was a little bruised when they both essentially said, "Let's just be friends," the bottom line is they're both good people and my life is significantly better with the both of them in it. They both sincerely meant it when they said "Let's be friends" and it's better have them as friends rather than being bitter and having nothing at all.

- Response by A Jock, Male, 36-45, Philadelphia

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Yes it can be done because i did it, but the pain is fatalistic. 3 yrs ago i met this girl, told her my feelings, and she wanted to be just friends. It has been SO hard to keep my feelings inside. DONT DO IT.

- Response by listener09, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Artist / Musician / Writer

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i dont see a problem with it. just be the nce person you are. it would hurt yes to see someone you like be with another girl, but just be there when he/he needs you.if he/she is too damn to see you realy like him,then they aint worth a friend...
i have been in that situaton,where i liked a guy,and he said we can be friend,i understood,coz he has been through a lot in hi life,and he is not we friends,even if we dont get to go out,we still remain friends.

- Response by lesly1989, A Career Woman, Female, 26-28

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I've done it before so i'll say yes i can.

- Response by phenomenal1woman, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago

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