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Active Questions

How do you know if your guy is sincere if he completely throws you for a loop?
Dating / 3:11 PM - Tuesday January 20, 2009

How do you know if your guy is sincere if he completely throws you for a loop?

Ive been w/my guy almost a year. We never fought. He never mentioned there was anything wrong in the relationship. Sex was fantastic. He is one of those old fashion open the door for you nice guys. He has all of a sudden put our relationship on hold. He is dealing w/a pretty big issue.He has been very preoccupied lately & has thrown himself more into work. He said he needs his space to deal w/this on his own. He did not end the relationship & has said that we are "not technically" over. Is he full of crap!

- Asked by atwork2008, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Phoenix, Other Profession

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...he's also found someone else

- Response by rollinhigheh, A Life of the Party, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I wouldn't jump to conclusions like the other person who says he's found someone else for sure.. it's a possibility, but definitely not for sure. It really might be just because he's going through a problem, but that just doesn't make sense to me. I feel like if my boyfriend was going through a crisis then he would WANT me there to be there for him, and if he needed a night alone then he would just tell me.

- Response by mousepad, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Student

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YES. He is checking out someone else and has put you on hold as a backup.

- Response by joshknight, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Chicago

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Watch his actions. He will show his true self sooner or later.

- Response by lacey07, A Life of the Party, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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I would say that if he wanted to end things with you, he would have. It was probably just as hard to tell you that he needed a little space as it would have been to dump you altogether. So, my advice is...give him the space he needs and tell him that you're going to do so; i.e. "Listen, Joe. I understand that you are going through something and because I love you, I want to give you the space you need to figure things out. Just know that I'm here if you need me."

- Response by jameemom32, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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It really doesn't matter WHY he is acting this way. What matters is your willingness to allow it. If he has something going on that is stressful then he should see you as his partner to help him thru it. If he doesn't, is that OK with you? To him, there is something wrong because he has chosen to handle it by himself....without you. I really don't see that as
a good thing.

- Response by livestolaugh, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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It sounds as if he is going through a hard time right now. Many men withdraw and isolate when they are going through stuff. If he needs space, I think you should give it to him. You say the relationship has been good up to now, so it doesn't sound as if he breaking up with you. I think you need to honor his request and give him space. If you cling to him and call a lot, it will probably push him away. Since the relationship is good, then I am sure he will contact you, when he is ready. Even if he is withdrawing from the relationship and a breakup is on the way, it won't help things if you crowd him. I say keep busy and live your life, when he ready to come to you, he will. Whatever happens, deal with it, when the time comes. There is no point in obsessing about it and driving yourself nuts.

- Response by iamboo2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Therapist

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