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Active Questions

Married Life / 4:35 PM - Tuesday January 13, 2009


My ex boyfriend of 3 years has asked me out to lunch a few times. Him and I are just friends and have done lunch a few times since our break-up. I am now happily married and not sure if hanging out with him is off limits. When I was with my ex we had a wonderful relationship and I still find comfort in seeing him. What would you do?

- Asked by bosstars, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles, Construction

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I would tell my husband (if he didn't already know) about my friend and that we go to lunch sometimes. I would ask him for his thoughts on this relationship and if it upsets him, would make less and less time to go see the ex (out of respect for my husband's feelings and our marriage) and let the ex find someone else to have lunch with from now on.

If my husband approves of the luncheons, I would seriously consider whether I would be upset to find out my husband is having lunch with his ex. If I am the least bit jealous/disheartened/up set, I would end the relationship with my ex immediately and focus on building the comforting relationship with a girl friend or even my husband.

- Response by 2shy4most, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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Unless you are trying to create another "ex" then you should be spending your time with your husband and not dating other men.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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Community Rating: Community Star

Contrary to popular opinion, being married doesn't mean you are dead. You are still free to enjoy being friends with the opposite sex. For the good of all, the friendship should be open enough to include your significant others although most husbands and wives would just say, "Go and have a good time." Enjoying the company of other people reminds you that you are a real person and your whole life should never be completely your mate.

- Response by keldog4511, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Managerial

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You have to ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed. Would you like it if hubby was hanging out with his ex? It's just a matter of how it is perceived by your S/O.

- Response by poolfish2, A Career Man, Male, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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I think its a little risky... you never know if it will start making you have regrets and all of that crap. I would base it on a would you like it if your husband went out with a ex in the exact same scenario? If it would bother you then you should not do it. That wouldn't be fair. But if you 2 trust each other enough to do it and you know in your heart you would not regret getting married then go for it.

- Response by mel2583, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

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If this is something you have never told your husband about and know he would be pissed if you did, then I would say you shouldn't be doing it. If you have and your husband is cool with it, then I guess to each their own. Personally if I was married and my wife wanted to have lunch with an ex, she would immediately turn into MY ex. I refuse to date woman who can't let go. Dealt with that once. Ended in complete disaster.

- Response by newdad, A Jock, Male, 36-45, Las Vegas, Transportation

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It is long as there is NO feelings from the past involved. Usually it is NOT a good idea make the call

- Response by gaffb, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28, Toronto, Administrative

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Well....that is a tough question.You say your a happily married woman,right? But you also say your ex is comforting to you.I find this a little confusing,as you do I am sure.I think the best thing to do is have your happily married husband have lunch with you,his happily married wife and her friend(or does he know he was ex boyfriend. I am sure then,you will know if it's off limits or not.

- Response by honeywillow, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Edmonton, Who Cares?

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I would discuss this with my husband first, to see if it's alright with him..Otherwise i wouldn't...

- Response by spitfire815, A Hippie Chick, Female, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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Next time he asks you out again, decline his invitation explain to him that I don't think my husband will be happy if he knew that I'm having lunch with you. My husband would not feel comfortable. I'm sure he became an EX for a reason. Your husband will be feeling not so great if he knew.

I got to thinking "I wonder how you would feel if your husband that your so much in love with was having lunch with his ex girlfriend.....hummmmmm m I wonder. Food for thought.

- Response by thewiselady2004, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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If you can not tell your husband then you shouldn't go!!

- Response by tnsalz, A Player, Male, 36-45, Newark, Self-Employed

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