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How can I tell if a man is over his ex-wife?
Sex & Intimacy / 7:50 PM - Sunday January 11, 2009

How can I tell if a man is over his ex-wife?

I have been with a guy for nearly a year and he talks about his ex-wife a lot. They were together for over 20 years so I know she was a big part of his life but he also feels quite bitter

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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only ifn he is not licking her toes!

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Atlanta, Retired

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Yeah, bitter over a failed relationship is a red flag moment for me........

People need to take responsibility for their relationships.....

- Response by selectivegirlsdna, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Montreal, Managerial

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why did it end> if she screwed him and ended it it he pr0bably still has feeling that are confused love.pissed off careful if youre his rebound girl

- Response by swemur1, A Creative, Female, 46-55

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Interesting question... look to me like you are the trade in wife or girl friend. Any way, she was a big part of his life for a long time, does he talk about parents and siblings also? When people are together for a long time they have many shared memories, may have children in common and other ties. As long as he is not spending time with her... relax.

- Response by rosebudlea, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55

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let him can do better! good luck!

- Response by imissit, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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It takes normal men and women at least 5 years to get over a divorce and recover emotionally. The wounds go deep.

Usually, when the guy finally recovers, the rebound relationship won't be the one he wants to be permanent with.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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She left him after 20 years... probably caught him mostly by surprise, maybe she was cheating on him, and she tried to make him look like the divorce was all his fault right? If she left after the kids were gone, she might not have been able to hurt him that way, but, it's also possible that he's paying a financially crippling amount of child support, which is pre-tax to him, and post-tax and deductable on other stuff for her.

He probably would have done just about anything to save his marriage but, for a lot of guys, by the time anything is even clearly communicated to them, it's too late. Guys take everything at face value and unless she said, "I am on the verge of divorcing you, and we need to make certain changes" He probably didn't even see it coming.

Some women even intentionally push their husband's buttons as much as possible to provoke a negative reaction, such as yelling or name calling or worse. While the negative reaction is inexcusable, anyone is capable of snapping when their family is being threatened and the person they love is tearing into them verbally.

Hopefully, you look at your boyfriend as a human being. It sounds like you do. Any human being with feelings is going to be hurt after being discarded after a 20 year marriage.

The reason he feels ok to talk to you about this is because he loves you, and he's hoping that he can trust you. He was probably looking for a lifetime relationship and he wonders how he's ever going to get that, since statistically, most guys get left.

The way our society is, it teaches women that they are strong if they abandon a marriage the second it gets hard. Seriously.

"You go girl, you deserve happiness. He sounds like an asshole. Life is too short to be miserable."

Some women give consideration to how their ex-husbands might feel but, many don't. The guy was just an accessory in their life, pretty much useless to her after the kids came along.

It's honestly hard to understand how almost any guy isn't bitter, at least a little bit, when he thinks about how this stuff works. Don't women get bitter about the number of men who cheat... or the number of guys who are just out for sex?

Of course right?

It's too late to make a long story short but, my point is this.

Just because the guy is bitter about what happened doesn't mean he'd want to go back. It sounds like he trusts you as much as he can and he probably loves you quite a bit to be sharing like that.

If you need him to talk less about his ex-wife, or to focus more on the positive aspects of day to day life, and how great you two are together, just tell him. Gently steer him in the right direction.

The best way not to be bitter about the past is for him to think about his present and think about how much fun and how much affection he has when he's with you.

My significant other deserves a ton of credit for helping me to get past my divorce. I'm very lucky to have her. If she wants to talk to me about things that she is bitter about, or vice versa, we're open to it, and we're also aware that we need to keep that stuff in check and focus on enjoying each day.

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is a mystery... but today is a gift. That's why they call it the "present".

If you show this guy that you are consistant, trustworthy, and loyal, you should have a huge amount of trust and interest from him that will last ages. If he doesn't appreciate a consistant, trustworthy woman after what he went through, he's pretty foolish right?

Good luck.

- Response by wp2007, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Artist / Musician / Writer

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he is not over her and probably wont be for awhile.
if he were over her he would not talk about her alot...
he would talk about her just a little bit.
but he is with you now...not her. And well as long as he has accepted it is over with them that is good. He is yours now and that is the size of things...but know it will be awhile longer for some point he will accept life and move on...with you or whom ever else.

- Response by sirkermittsg, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Transportation

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