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Never married and over 40...what do you think?
Dating / 6:20 PM - Sunday January 11, 2009

Never married and over 40...what do you think?

What are your thoughts on people who are 40+ and never married or in a long term relationship?

Update: January 12, 2009.
Just for the record, I've been married/divorced. Just asking a general question.

- Asked by lasuz, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Administrative

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I only have one statement to answer this... "fear of flying!"

At 40, you have met and encountered almost every type of person in your life. If you are waiting for Mr. Right, it may never happen in this lifetime.

But, I will say that my best friend met her husband who is 6 years older than here when she was 44, never married. He was 52, never married, either. They married, and are so very much in love and living happily ever after now 5 years. So, I guess there is life after 40, but most people who don't hitch before that year are afraid and never do.



- Response by lauramet, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Miami, Executive

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No opinion and no judgement here. Some people are just happier alone, nothing wrong with that.

- Response by beelzebub, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

If they've never been married at that age, I'd probably think either the opportunity never came up or they weren't ready for marriage at the time. Or they have some issues to work on, possibly. If they've never been in a long-term relationship at that age, I'd think they were extremely shy, don't socialize at all, or maybe have some other kind of issues that make dating hard for them.

- Response by citygirl006, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, San Francisco, Other Profession

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Well I am almost 41 and never been married, not that I don't want to be, but I have not met "The One" yet.....I have had long terms and beeb with alot of losers, but I am looking for someone just right for me, and i fit doesn't happen then I have a great Family, and friends, and I work and go to school full time. I have a full life, but I would love to share it with someone, but I won't settle for less than I deserve like I have doen in the past. Also my married friends, and sisters do nothing but complain about their husbands. I do not want to be one of them, they all seem so unhappy. I am not. :)

- Response by voodoo68, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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Honestly, i would think maybe their gay, or they have some kind of relationship problems...

- Response by spitfire815, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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I know a lot of people are very devoted to their career or countries and never got married, yet live a far happier life than most couple.

I think it only makes sense to get into a relationship or marriage with someone if you feel that being together with that person enrich your life.

Personal choice. no judgement here.

- Response by visitor6785, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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I am getting close to this scenario. I am 38 and never married and have had only one serious relationship and it just ended.
For me the cause is sever shyness and lack of confidence. I didn't start dating until I was well into my 30s. When I see people older and still single all I wonder is if shyness, lack of confidence or something elso has kept them single. Then I pause and pray that we all one day find someone to share our lives with. Getting older and being alone and or feeling lonely is pretty rough; at least for me.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, New York, Other Profession

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One of my best friends just turned 40 and has never married. She is beautiful and successful. Has had a couple of bf, and wants a marriage, but is very picky and just hasn't found "the one"

- Response by rosebudlea, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55

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interesting enuf i see it all time now. i dont think its a big deal. its a major trend these days, i think.
smiles
gwynneth

all good things come to those that wait.
bible

- Response by meowbaby559, A Trendsetter, Female, Who Cares?, Celebrity

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Their preference to be single. On the surface, no harm in that.

It's their own reasoning that may show whether or not they're content with their choice or damaged goods....

- Response by king313, An Engaged Guy, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Who Cares?

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Dating and/or marriage is not for everyone.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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when I was in my early 20tys I worked with the elderly and learned a lot. I met many people that never married or had a seriouse relationship until the were in there late 30tys and mid 40tys who then married and had a very happy marrage.
No every one aspires to marry and raise a family. The get busy living life going places and are busy with life. And then they come to a place were they find some one that they appreciate and chose to marry. I think it could be about good wisdom

- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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I think they are emotionally insecure and unavailable if they haven't found anyone in their 40 years.

- Response by daffodils2008, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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Considering I'm on of "them" about the marriage thing, I'm fine I have been in several long term relationships.

The one I'm in is the last.

- Response by cubbiegal, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago, Administrative

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I love your attitude! We definitely need a manual to help us surivive through the triumphs and failures of dating. I'm 43 years old, a single mum, and have been through it all. I know it may sound ironic, but I actually just published my first book, it's called "A single girl's guide to finding mr right." For all us ladies (and men) out there who will be watching bridget jone's diary for the third time this valetine's day, I hope you will find this guide interesting and amusing to lighten up your day. www.bellabooks.com.au

- Jasmine Singleton

- Response by jasminesingleton, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Sydney

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I think it takes some longer than others to find their soul mate. I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone!Good Luck!

- Response by fishingwoman28, An Engaged Girl, Female, 29-35, Indianapolis, Medical / Dental

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They are smarter than we were.

- Response by lasikplus, A Thinker, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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I think I'll probably be one of them one day. Sometimes I get annoyed at the thought that what apparently brings a lot of people so much happiness will most likely never happen to me as I'm the sort of person unlikely ever to find a Mr or Ms Right, but a lot of people who've got married haven't had happy marriages, so I guess I'll be more fortunate than all the people who've got stuck with Mr or Ms Wrong.

- Response by tabbycat1, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, London, Internet / New Media

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No long term relationship, ever? If they were born and raised in the U.S., I would certainly wonder about their sociability.

- Response by stoney07, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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I'm gonna be 40 this year and I've never been married but have been in long term relationships and the only reason why I never married yet is because I've never met someone that I truly thought would last...I was engaged twice when I was younger and thought that there was a possibility of having 'forever' happen but it always seemed that something would happen and things wouldn't turn out...now, I'm content in just living life and not 'focusing' on being with anyone until I am certain that the choice I make is one that is 'right' for me...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Smart, lucky, wise .... LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Lady W*

- Response by ladywisteria, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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i attended a wedding a few years back. both bride and groom were internet friends. What I did not know was that the bride was a 40 year old virgin. She had been saving herself for marraige and the right guy had never come along. She thought she had met Mr. Right. I know they had a wonderful time together durring the wedding and honeymoon...
but the sad thing is he cheated on her a few months later....so she had saved herself for Mr. Wrong.

- Response by sirkermittsg, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Transportation

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Smart! Marriage is not for everyone and some choose to not marry, because they have not met that perfect mate... Not everyone wants that "white picket" fence with 2.2 kids!

- Response by msgg, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Managerial

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while i think being over 40 and never in a relationship or married can be a perfectly acceptable choice for some people, for many reasons, i would have to question whether or not such a person would be an appropriate potential mate for me, although i would have no problem being friends with someone who had never been in a long term relationship. i am a bit of a hermit and a loner and if anything happens to my husband, god forbid, i wont be in a big hurry to replace him. but thats different from being someone who has NEVER been in a longterm relationship. on the other hand, what do you mean by "long term?" longer than a year? longer than two? i know a lot of people who have never made it to five years with one person but have had a few three to four year relationships... including marriages...

- Response by jerseygirl331, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Boston, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Well, my eldest son is 42, is in a long term relationship and even has a child and another on the way. My second son is 39 and has been with his girlfriend for six years. I don't push about marriage, it's not my business.

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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I say to each his own.

- Response by ajeepgirl67, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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On the one hand, I would say that there can be a lot of reasons for this, some quite reasonable, meaning not an indication of deep seated neuroses or problems with intimate human interaction.

One the other hand, the three men I have dated who fell into this camp were seriously messed up in one way or another. Knowing that my personal experience is not the end all and be all sample of humanity, I caution myself against making sweeping judgment calls, but would be highly unlikely to give serious boyfriend consideration to another such character.

- Response by pandorasfault, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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Either responsible and smart or scared of commitment.

- Response by unbrokenfrog, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Home Maker

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I know this is not politically correct but this is what I honestly think: I feel sorry for them and think they must be so undesirable, such losers that no one wants them.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?

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Nothing wrong with it in my opinion. Maybe you don't want to be married, or unlike most, maybe you're not going to settle for just anyone just to say you're married. I can only imagine that people always look at you funny when you say you're not married. Hell, I'm 32 and peoples' mouths just about drop to the floor when I say I'm not married!

- Response by newdad, A Jock, Male, 36-45, Las Vegas, Transportation

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Honestly i think that youve been too picky and maybe a liitle afraid of getting your heart broken. in life you learn by making mistakes and love can be very scary sometimes but its also what keeps you going. its still not too late i think you should give yourself a chance, god made us in pairs your other half is out there, just keep on looking. GOOD LUCK.

- Response by texxy, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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...maybe they are smart..my marriage was a huge mistake..

- Response by michellekia, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, St.Louis, Other Profession

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I am thinking that you just got out of doing the five baskets of laundry waiting for me... I think you are your own person and will do what you please with ease

- Response by A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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I got divorced at 40. Not long after that got hooked up to the internet and stumbled on those dating sites. Thats been years ago now but at that time most were free, chat all you wanted whit anyone you like, they just needed a database to work with. Anyway that was the best way I know to meet women by the thousands. As time went on I learned the type of women I enjoyed meeting and this gave the perfect way to find them; hight, weight, life style, even down to eye color if that matters.

Well being over 40 and divorced I quickly eliminated widows, just aint no way to compete with a dead dad or husband. Next off the list went the single moms, absentee dads can be more trouble that the dead ones. With all the chioces left I finaly scratched anyone single and never married, if no man had been good by that time I didn't want to be the first.

Divorced who couln't have children would probably be my first choice. Experience gave them a clue what to look for in the next marriage and no deadbeat dads to deal with. Moms with kids out of high school tye. By then kids have a clue, aren't threatened by mom's boyfriend, and even enjoy seeing her look happy from time to time.

Shopping for a companion in Smallville where I'm from is pretty limited but the internet opens up the world. With all the people to choose from out here Single Women over 40 get crossed off my list.

- Response by fluff47, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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What path could a 40+ person have walked through life that didn't raise some concerns? None I can think of. The 40+ dating market is so bad that I would want to make sure I was eliminating a candidate for a real problem and not just some defect I vaguely suspected based on this sort of generality from their past.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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Not everyone's goal in life is to be married. Some people just don't think it's for them. This doesn't mean they can't have a great relationship with someone, but implicit in this whole thing is the assumption that everyone wants to be married. They don't, and with the 50% divorce rate in this country, and monetary and pyschological casualties from divorce, is it any wonder why they would rather not?

- Response by awsum1, A Life of the Party, Male, Who Cares?, Chicago

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I'm over 40 and I've never been married... came close before but it's never happend. I'd love to be married but to the "right" person and for the "right" reasons. But if it were to never happen I'd be comfortable with myself or in a relationship that is solid. I guess I don't need a marriage or a label to define me.

- Response by phenomenal1woman, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago

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My best friend is 48 and never married. He likes women, but is very shy and not aggressive at all. He's the type of guy that women think of as a good friend. I think once he got past his 30s, he sort of gave up on the idea and would have a hard time adjusting to living with someone else and being accountable to them. It seems to work for him.

- Response by cottontown, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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Honestly? If it's a woman, she can't be pleased. This has been my experience.

A man..probably something strange about him.

- Response by bikerchick1, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Financial / Banking

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Umm either there not ready or scared of commitment or jus not wifey material hey it happens

- Response by MYSTERYLADY22, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Pittsburgh, Lawyer

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I am 40 and never married,i have always wanted to get married and have children, but as yet have not met the right man.I work in an office with women both older and younger, and it hurts me that no dount i am classified as a spinster, i hate the way i am judged because i am single and childless.Women say things like you are so lucky not to have any children, yet little do they realise that is my dream.Not all women over 35 single and childless are career powered and put off marriage/children, i never had a choice,my dream was always to be a mother, and when i mention to colleagues that i would like to have a child i get what i call THE LOOK and dead silence, so please sometimes dreams even the basic ones do not come true through no fault of our own.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, New South Wales

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My sister is 45 and never married. She is drop dead gorgeous, friendly, funny and successful. She would love to be married and have a family of her own. But she has an incredible, I mean incredible, fear of intimacy. She has dated many men, most were desperately in love with her, but she can't commit. She also has some very serious self-esteem issues. You would never know it upon meeting her. She is finally in therapy - yay! I think people over 40 that are not married, either do not want to be, or they DO have issues that they need to deal with !

- Response by A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55

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My sister is 45 and never married. She is drop dead gorgeous, friendly, funny and successful. She would love to be married and have a family of her own. But she has an incredible, I mean incredible, fear of intimacy. She has dated many men, most were desperately in love with her, but she can't commit. She also has some very serious self-esteem issues. You would never know it upon meeting her. She is finally in therapy - yay! I think people over 40 that are not married, either do not want to be, or they DO have issues that they need to deal with !

- Response by A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55

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Avoid 40+ men like the plague! By this time, they SHOULD have met at least ONE woman that they could marry. I feel that these men seek perfection when they are anything but perfect themselves! Ladies, don't waste your time with these men IF you are looking for something serious (e.g., marriage & children).

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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I'm 47 and never married and I don't suffer from any phobias or issues. I just never fell in love. Now, I prefer men my age and they prefer girls half my age. I think that's how the whole "Cougar" thing got started. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I haven't gone there yet but never say never.
I want a husband but not children. Oddly, I still have hope.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 46-55

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I just turned 39 so I am almost there. I have never been married but I am about to very soon. I've had couple of longer term relationships but for the most part I've been single and I've had a GREAT time being single in this day and age of liberal women. I've had a lot sex with a lot of women and I just think now is the time to change my lifestyle.

Now in regards to guys who are my age and have never had a relationship.. BEWARE! guys my age who are single are either unattractive/too shy or just plain old dogs (I belong to the former so I know well).

In regards to 40 yo women, they are either unattractive or so damn picky they'll end up old and alone. That's why "Cougartown" and "Sex in the City" are so common now days, too many old women who are still waiting for Mr Right while their eggs are going bad.. I guess this is the downside to liberal feminism.. Men can always date someone younger at any age, not women so don't fool yourself into thinking women and men are really equal. We never have been equal and never will.

- Response by rickwool98, A Player, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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i am 36 and have never been married. i have never been great with relationships or dating, so i tend to focus on myself and the things that i want to do. i'm not currently dating or in a relationship, i'm just concentrating on making as much money as i can.

- Response by tdmoses, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Technical

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I must say there's a lot of negative comments here,not everyone finds someone to marry,I am a man of 45,women mainly hate me,call me weird and ugly and only very rarely do a few want to be a pen pal at best,I have never had a girlfriend or had sex,it's not because I'm gay or religious,I have always wanted a girlfriend a wife and a family,but I am an ugly man with nothing to offer,but the real problem is from my experience anyway is,women are very shallow and materialistic and value wealth above all else followed by looks,well since I am very ugly and have no money women won't touch me with a barge pole,but the few friendly ones often say"one day you'll find someone"but it seams like it will never happen.

- Response by cyclekarl, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Birmingham, Who Cares?

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I must say there's a lot of negative comments here,not everyone finds someone to marry,I am a man of 45,women mainly hate me,call me weird and ugly and only very rarely do a few want to be a pen pal at best,I have never had a girlfriend or had sex,it's not because I'm gay or religious,I have always wanted a girlfriend a wife and a family,but I am an ugly man with nothing to offer,but the real problem is from my experience anyway is,women are very shallow and materialistic and value wealth above all else followed by looks,well since I am very ugly and have no money women won't touch me with a barge pole,but the few friendly ones often say"one day you'll find someone"but it seams like it will never happen.

- Response by cyclekarl, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Birmingham, Who Cares?

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