Back to Home

Active Questions

I found racy pictures of my wife with her ex-boyfriend.. how do I talk to her about it?
Married Life / 1:23 PM - Wednesday January 07, 2009

I found racy pictures of my wife with her ex-boyfriend.. how do I talk to her about it?

Why would she still keep these, how do I approach her about this? I don't wan't to say I was snooping on your computer and found them.

Update: January 08, 2009.
First, I was snooping because she e-mailed me a few racy photos of herself the day before, and they were current photos she took with my camera. Anyhow I was snooping to see if she had more than just what she e-mailed me, and she had deleted them off the card in the camera. I do not know when the last time she looked at the pictures was. Her laptop is new, only three or four months old and they only have the one date under properties for when was it last modified/created/ect... , but she obviously was aware of the transfer from her old laptop to this new one. So she knows she still has them and instead of just leaving them on the external hard drive back up (which she did encrypt so I don't know what else is on that) she selected them to be on the new laptop. Further, she was out with a friend for dinner last night and I was back to her laptop to see what the pictures I didn't get a chance to look at were and I found 3 video files all in the same folder which is just these 3 videos and pictures of her and the ex. Also, before she met me she never used a digital camera or digital video camera, there was a box of "old pictures" that she refuesed to let me see because I wouldn't want to see them that she "disposed of" but regardless she took the effort to have these photos and 3 videos changed from stardard film and VHS to digital format. I just realized this when I saw the video files (I have not watched the video files to be clear, the pictures are difficult enough). I know I need to ask her about it, I quess I just need a way to approach the subject. Don't tell me don't let her make it about my snooping, she's a woman she's going to make it about what she wants to make it about and blame me for anything she can from that perspective, even if I am in the right, we all live in the real world we all must admit this is just a fact of life.

- Asked by Male, 36-45

Read more about the Rating System


They were probably good memories and part of her past. I like to keep photos of old girlfriends for as long as possible. In her case she kept them too long. Marriage to me means you are both serious about making a life partnership work and there are some things that were comforting to hold on to that you need to let go of so you are totally committed to making your future work. As long as pictures exist that she can't show you then she isn't totally committed - And she swore to you that she was.

This type of mistake is easy to make. You should approach her with it, tell her you are hurt she kept them, tell her it casts her commitment to you in doubt and that she needs to delete and destroy any pictures or video that she can't show you. A woman that loved you will feel terrible about this, say she is sorry and will destroy the pictures without a problem. If that happened then I would work to push this out of my mind as something not important and work to never mention it again.

If she gets angry or refuses then you have caught a lucky break because that would indicate she doesn't love you. As much as it would hurt to realize that it would allow you to divorce her and not waste your one and only life being scammed by a woman only pretending to love you.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

Rating Received:


Well, I think you should really show her who's boss, and share them with all of us here!!!!! yeahhhh!!!!

- Response by bytor, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Artist / Musician / Writer

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

I still have the pictures of me and my ex, never ever look at them but they are a part of my past and the girl meant a lot to me at the time so I dont want to delete them out of sentiment. Looking at them would be wierd now though.

- Response by fitnessfreak, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 26-28, Student

Rating Received:


The only person who can answer why she kept them is your wife.

And there's no way to ask her about them without admitting that you were snooping.

- Response by piscesrising, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Boston, Internet / New Media

Rating Received:


delete them and dont mention anything.. if she comes whining to you about you deleting somethings off your pc. then dump her because appearantly she was trying to view these things again.

- Response by crnbrdfed2002, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, San Antonio, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Curiousity killed the cat!!!! If you snoop, you may not like what you find. She may have totally forgotten about these pics. It does say something interesting about your wife that she would even have these pics at all.

- Response by cmgr, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, New York, Other Profession

Rating Received:


Well where they incrupted? Maybe she forget they where there are didn't know how to delete them. I would be nice and ask her about the pictures. Maybe she wasnt trying to keep them. Yeah when you snoop you find things.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

Rating Received:


Chances are she might have forgotten they were even there. If the computer is old and she had it before you guys were together that is. If that's the case, not so bad. Now you just have to erase those photos off your memory.

If the computer is new she obviously transfered these old pics over to her new computer and then you need to have a serious talk with her. You snooping is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay less bad than her keeping those pics anyway.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

Rating Received:


put them on the wallpaper setting?

- Response by cozmale, A Player, Male, 29-35

Rating Received:


It's in VERY poor taste that she kept them!
Unless of course she completely forgot they were there!
Can you check when was the last time she accessed them?

- Response by Vickey69, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


You don't approach her about this...it is her business on her computer. She shouldn't be snooping on your computer either. But to answer why she would still keep them, perhaps she felt particularly sexy then and not now...totally not of your doing. I am sure it is not the guy or she would not have married you. I would just forget you ever saw them.

- Response by keldog4511, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Managerial

Rating Received:


Sneak back in, post a few online, then show her where you found them online.

Oh man, I break me up!

- Response by desrtrat57, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


I personally would ask. "What's up with this?" Then take it from there. And don't let these other ladies guilt you by accusing you of snooping around. Tell your wife you were cleaning up the memory on the hard drive to free up some space, doing regular maintenance stuff. She is your wife, therefore she is your business. Follow? Not that you own her. But there's an issue here if she doesn't willingly offer to delete them herself. Hell no woman can argue with that. How you discovered the dirt is irrelevant now.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


wow, what a situation,maybe u could tell her that u found them accidently,good luck though wish i could tell u more!

- Response by cutie29400, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Indianapolis, Food Service

Rating Received:


win at any age even if a man is ready to settle down don't he want sexxxxxxxxx

- Response by sexucure, A Life of the Party, Female, 22-25, Philadelphia

Rating Received:


They are old memorys I would not even tell her as you should have not been looking in the first place

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

Rating Received: