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Active Questions

When is too soon for people to move in together?
Dating / 1:36 PM - Tuesday January 06, 2009

When is too soon for people to move in together?

When is too soon for people to move in together? I have been single for many years and have kids, now I am going out with a great guy but I am scared to move intogether cause I am afraid that it will ruin our relationship.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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And it very may will ruin your relationship.....

So keep the status quo and just enjoy each other, from separate houses.......

- Response by selectivegirlsdna, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Montreal, Managerial

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I think 3 months is too soon. I dont think it will ruin it. But 9 months wouldn't be too soon. Dont want wait to long or he might think it will never happen. Does he know you have kids?

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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I met my bf in June of 2008 and we moved in together in August..I wouldn't change anything for the world. I'm so happy we may never what's going to happen but that's life, about choices....If you're hesitating now then maybe wait a little while longer to really make sure this is what you want and make sure it's good for the kids as well...

- Response by berrysweet28, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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It's a whole different ball game when you have kids.

I would wait at the very, very minimum a year. You have to be really sure that this relationship will last before getting him that deeply involved with your kids. i would suggest a week-long vacation together first and see how that goes. Possibly he could stay for the weekend and sleep on the couch. The next step would be to stay during the week so he can experience first-hand how crazy things can be!

Good luck.

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Managerial

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Since you have kids it complicates the issue even more. You may need to wait much longer, maybe until you are engaged. You do not want your kids getting attached to a person that may or may not be there later..

- Response by sohodutch, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, New York, Technical

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Would your children be living with you? If so I would definitely be cautious about moving in. That is a big change for them and not something that should be done too quickly.

- Response by A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 29-35

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Too soon is when you doubt.
Too soon is when you fear.
Too soon is when you are scared.
Too soon is when you are afraid.
Too soon is when you don't trust.
And too soon is when you have to ask.

Love never fails and there is no fear or doubt in it. So, what is it about you and your great guy you don't TRUST that you fear a move in with him will ruin your love?

- Response by thedaimler2006, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Self-Employed

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That's something that every couple has to decide for themselves, but I think that when kids are involved, it's a bad idea to move intogether unless you're married or at least engaged. Too many people move in together without having any clue about their future together. Then some of them come on this site and go "We've been living together for 5 years but he says he doesn't want to marry me cause he's not sure if I'm the one..." I think that if you're OK with that kind of uncertainty, fine. But don't drag kids into it.

- Response by uniquelyme2, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I think there's no set time frame though I'd not do it sooner than 6 months. You really can't say that any time -whether soon or a year later- will guarantee that you've made the right decision. So don't look solely at length of dating to make this choice.

To me, it mostly depends on the quality of the relationship, an agreed upon future, and the ability of both to do what it takes to work it out when problems arrive. It takes time to know that so however long it takes to figure that out....

Being that you have kids, its more important for you to make a good decision b/c they will be impacted. So maybe wait at least 9mths and make absolute sure that Marriage is on the table at some point in the future, unless you want to get stuck in that position of 'living together'.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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You should be more worried about moving a man that you don't know that well in with your kids and how this might negatively impact them if it doesn't work or worse like if he turned out to be abusive. If it is less than a year then there is a good chance that you want to rush this after being single for so long and your judgement may be clouded. So keep your motherly instincts sharp.

- Response by aron77, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Kansas City, Celebrity

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I would personally wait at least a year. I don't think you 'really' know someone unless you have spent a year with that person. In the beginning everything is perfect and you don't argue much etc. You have to see a person at his or her worst before you know who you're dealing with. Have you seen him go through any type of crisis? Do you know how he handles conflicts? Does he have the same idea of gender roles and who does what in a household as you do?

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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My vote is a minimum of at least two complete years especially when kids are involved. And actually after two years, if you're going to make a committment, get married. Don't just shack up.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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