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My boyfriend hasn't told me he loves me yet,even though I have. Should I break up with him?
Dating / 2:39 PM - Friday January 02, 2009

My boyfriend hasn't told me he loves me yet,even though I have. Should I break up with him?

We have been dating for over a year now. I know he has past issues he is dealing with. He is very closed about them. He is just starting to come around but I am tired of waiting. One night we fought and I said I loved him and was tired of him being so closed off and he said "Well, I guess you expect to hear something back now???" What do I have to do to get him to open up. Or am I just wasting my time.

Update: January 07, 2009.
I was waiting for both. Since the new year and a brief separation things are starting to come together. I haven't heard it but I am seeing it a lot more. I always knew he cared, I guess I just wanted to hear it back. I will be patient with him though. He is worth it.

Update: January 07, 2009.
Really don't think you know what you are talking about. I have given him that safe haven. I have supported him through this. I don't want him to change. I just need to have him be a bit more open with his feelings. I really think you should be a bit more supportive to people when you write something instead of being on the attack!!!!!

Update: January 07, 2009.
I haven't yet. I am giving him time to sort things out

Update: January 07, 2009.
Thanks. I believe you are right. And since the new year after a brief time apart I am letting it go a bit. I am giving him his time that he needs.

Update: January 07, 2009.
Well, I did just that . And he told me to let him do it in his time. Christmas time has gone and went also gave him a card that told him how I felt. Still nothing. We almost broke up after the New Year. I just couldn't stand to be near him. I am endeavoring to give him his time. But it is hard. Its well over a year and I have felt this way for a while now.

- Asked by Female, 46-55

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This sucks and is one of the reasons so many people don't say it to begin with. I would simply tell him that you do love him and you aren't going undo what you've said. However, his behavior is making it difficult to even like someone that behaves this way. What you need to decide is are you okay with going on indefintiely. could be a long time before he changes. Make sure your up for waiting around.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 36-45

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does he show his feelings in other ways? does he treat you good and respect you? is he romantic and sweet and caring towards you? some men have a problem with saying it, its easier to show then with words. but if you think he doesn't care at all and you are wasting your time then i would end it

- Response by jojo914, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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What is it you are waiting for--the words or the actions?

- Response by keldog4511, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Managerial

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I would'nt like it either.The decision is yours.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Nothing personal babe but I wouldn't open up to you either.

A man with that much damage needs to feel SAFE first. He needs to feel that you love him, accept him just the way he is, that you wouldn't WANT him to change.

All you have done for a year is WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. He's not stupid. He knows you're not 100% commited to him, you're waiting for him to change.

and now you want to leave him because he's not what you want him to be.

I don't think you love him, or even realize what true love is.

Just my opinion, but if you can dump a guy because of who he is, then you don't really LOVE him to begin with.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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No dont break up with him. He might very well love you but doesnt know how to say it.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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Ok, let me see if I understand this correctly. You love him? Is he being a control freak or do his actions show how he feels about you? Some guys let their actions speak for them for tons of reasons. Maybe he wasn't brought up to say I love you to people and doens't know how. Maybe he isn't sure yet or maybe he is just not ready to say it. I would look at his actions. Not when you're fighting but when things are normal. You said he has issues he is dealing with. If you break up with him are you giving him a chance or do you even want to give him a chance? He is being who he is. Are his actions those of someone who loves you? If they are, can you live with someone who is so nonverbal about his feelings? Anyone can say I love you and not mean it, his actions will speak louder than any words ever could. Ultimatims will not solve anything. If you really love him give him some time and watch what he does rather than worry about what he doesn't say.

- Response by tootcat, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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You know he has issues around saying "I love you" so you start a fight and then once the fight hits it's peak you choose that moment to make your first announcement that you love him and you demand he say it too (now that you have him good and mad). Sounds more like you want out of the relationship but you refuse to break up yourself so you are being difficult in the hopes he will do it for you.

This is what saying "I love you" means to some people. Anyone can say stuff even if they don't mean it.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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