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One night stand regret - how do I get over it?
Sex & Intimacy / 5:48 PM - Sunday December 28, 2008

One night stand regret - how do I get over it?

A while ago whilst single I met a bloke, went on a date and ended up back at his, etc etc.

Needless to say, despite him being older (and therefore hopefully good in bed) it was awful and I vowed never to see him again. Luckily, he had the same idea (despite him being the one who GOT to orgasm), and I never saw him.

I'm now happily in a relationship with a great guy, but feel increasingly guilty and whore-ish about having a one night stand.

I'm glad I've done it though- I know now never to do it again.

How can I let go of my own feelings about it? It's started to affect the way I look after my partner in bed.

Update: December 28, 2008.
I had the experience, didn't cheat on anyone and it's something I'll never do again... but my current boyf is getting the result of my confusion because I act prudish sometimes (despite having been wild with this same boyfriend less than 2 months ago).

- Asked by alex86, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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I could see why you might feel guilty and whoreish if you had 20 one-nighters and half of then were when you were not single. But ONE when you WERE single?

What's the big deal about that? Half the people in the world have had a one-nighter. If you're a whore then so am I.

It was a formative experience you had in your past. You didn't like it much, so you found out something about yourself from it. As a result you're not likely to do it again.

Life is full of experiences that help us work out who we are. It happened. It's over. No-one will ever know about it.

Forget it and enjoy what you've got now. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't.

- Response by spongecake, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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This is a classic example of how men and women now have these fucked up interactions with each other. How do you get over it? You don't. You only live with it.
How does the modern man get over it? Again, he doesn't. He only lives with the fact that his woman isn't the pure little flower he wants her to be.
Don't punish the probably good man for your own mistakes. Show him the fun person that you can be and let him love you for who you are.

- Response by rooster1eye, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Las Vegas, Executive

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everyone has made some kind of mistake like this, even if it's sleeping with a guy they've known for months & then regretting it - like I've done.

the fact that you realize that it was wrong just shows you are human with a conscience. if you are happy with this man you're with now don't let your bad feelings from what happened before interfere. you deserve to forgive yourself and be happy.

- Response by babythugstyle, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Student

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Well, you are saying you are glad you did it, but that you can't get over it....which is it? If you cheated on your current partner for this one night stand, then you need to get over it for him. If you had the one night stand before him, then you have "nothing" to really get over. You had an experience and didn't like it and now you know what you are willing to do and not do -- good for you!

- Response by ecgjyt, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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I wouldn't sweat it. It happens to the best of us. 99% of the time it just "happens" becuase everything clicks that night and it feel natural.

So don't sweat it at all and quit thinking about it.

- Response by whatnow, A Life of the Party, Male, 46-55, Phoenix

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It was one night with one guy so in your whole life it is hardly important so just right it off as a experience and leave it at that

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Chalk it up to experience. Believe me, you will eventually laugh about the situation...

- Response by cubbiegal, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago, Administrative

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I've dated a lot of guys, had sex with a few, some good, others not so good, but one thing I'm proud of is that I've always been faithful. That being said, I did have a one-night stand once, it was a sort of "revenge, look what you could've had" sort of thing after a nasty break-up. Although the sex was really great, I've always regretted doing it, I did it for all the wrong reasons. I guess I'd say I regret it, but I'm over it, so if you were unattached at the time, put it behind you too. It was a mistake, and not worth beating yourself up over, and not worth putting your guy through the stress of seeing you doubting yourself.

- Response by sexysue22, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Miami, Hospitality

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Oh, poor girl. I did this, too. I had a secret crush on someone for over a year and one day I broke down and told him. He was 20 years older than I and it took about two days for me to end up at his apartment and then late at night on like the 3rd day there I was having sex with him. I couldn't think about anything else other than how I didn't want this to happen so soon, because I wanted to have a relationship with him in the months to come. I went to see him like 2 days after that and he dumped me. I have felt like shit ever since and I don't know if you ever get over it. He avoids me like I am this horrible person and told me I have issues. It sucks.

- Response by A Player, Female, 36-45

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I was very prudish throughout most of my teens and up to my late 20's. I never thought that I would be a one night stand kind of person... As it turns out, I have just come out of a 6 year relationship, have turned 30, and have had my first (of a few actually) one night stands...
How do I feel about that? Well, can't say that I am overly excited about the whole thing but the fact of the matter is that I did it, I had a fun time at the time, I dealt with the shame and guilt about me being a 'slut' the next day (and many more days after that...) and now here I am offering support and advice!
Seriously honey, we are human beings. We have chemistry, hormones and timing for these things. I feel that I have gotten the 'one night stand' thing out of my system now and will never probably feel the need to do such things again, but what I this situation has done for me is made me feel like a sexy woman again. It empowered ME, and it gave me some real insight into human emotion and connectedness in a way I would never have thought....
This is your journey... Try not to see it as a bad thing, just a learning experience... Good luck xxx

- Response by ebonyblue2010, A Creative, Female, 29-35, New South Wales

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That's riduculous what the first guy said about a one night stand; and I am ashamed it is on the internet. Even ONE one night stand is very distructive to ones self esteem and self confidence. It's abusive and disrespectful towards your own body. You can't simply 'GET OVER' things like that; b-sh*t. Get as far away from that silly old idiot as you possibly can. As awful it is that you had to learn it that way; unfortunately 90% of 'first times' aren't that idylic. My first time certainly wasn't 'idylic' and I regret having a one night stand. What do you mean you know not to do it again? You shouldn't have done it at all... I don't like the way the first guy said 'half the people out there are doing it'...well do you really want to be like half those people? Is that 'half' the happier 'half' of the population??? Well, I'm glad you know never to do it again...and don't do it again until you are really in love and least now you know who to stay away from...

- Response by hannabambina, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Dublin

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