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Is it ok for me to be jealous of my boyfriends female friends?
Dating / 7:34 PM - Friday December 26, 2008

is it ok for me to be jealous of my boyfriends female friends?

my boyfriend and i have beee dating for almost 2 years. we hang out mostly on weekends....we also get along great. his two best friends are girls (who he has never hooked up with...EVER) Here is my problem:once, sometimes twice a month, he gets together with his girlfriends on a weekend night (instead of with me) and does not include me. if they were guys, i wouldn't care. but i do get jealous that he has this connection with these girls, and regularly hangs out with them. ONCE in a while, literally ONCE in a while, he includes me. but mostly, its the three of them, having dinner or drinks or movies or whatever...should i just keep my mouth shut and be happy he is honest? or is it not normal for a guy in a serious relationship to have this type of attachment with other females. These two girls are also good friends with his ex, and sometimes his ex tags along. again, i know that they have been done for YEARS, and i know that he doesn't want her in the same way anymore, but i still don't like it. In the beginning of our relationship i brought up that i rarely go out with me and a few guys, with no other girls...etc..and he was like, well you could if you wanted to, i trust you..these are my best friends and i don't want to push people away bc of a relationahip, please trust me..and i dropped it...but HATE it!!! AHHH!!

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Yeah it is wrong. There his friends but I think he is sending the wrong message. Yes you get along great but it sounds like he spends more of his weekends with them than with you. Well I can understand talking on the phone and hanging out every now and than but this sounds more than that. I think he is just saying but if you want with me on weekend when we invited you I bet he be jealous.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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Some people would be OK with a situation like this, but my feelings about men with female friends are very strong and almost irrational. I'm trying to look at this with an unbiased point of view, but the one thing the REALLY bothers me here is that he does not include you. That is questionable to me. On one hand, he is being honest, but that doesn't make the situation less disrespectful to me. Also in my eyes it is not normal for a man who is in a serious relationship to have friendships like this. I feel that men who do crave that extra attention, even though that may sound pretty innocent. If there is one thing that I absolutely would NOT tolerate and even leave my boyfriend for is if he was in any contact with his ex whatsoever. When you're in a relationship, you should not speak to your exes unless you have a child together. If a guy can't let go of his past, how is there hope for a future with him? I do not have any males friends that are not gay, and my boyfriend would feel it inappropriate if I did. My boyfriend has two sisters and sometimes WE will hang out with his sisters and their friends, but that's really the extent of it. You do not sound like you are OK with this and I wouldn't be either. It's time to have a talk. You cannot just ignore your feelings for fear up causing trouble.

- Response by sunshinehighway, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, New York, Medical / Dental

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First of all, it is a good thing that your man has good solid relationships with women - they trust him, they can talk to him, and feel comfortable around him. That means you can too!
Second, find a time when you and he are together when it's quiet, and talk to him about this. Do NOT get misemotional. Just simply ask if you can be included. YOU are also his best friend, or should be, if this relationship is based on a good foundation of friendship and not just sex. Talk to him about it, tell him that you trust him but feel a little left out. Find out what he's concerned about - obviously he doesn't want to push his friends away (which is a good thing) but he shouldn't also ignore your feelings about the situation. Again, and I can't stress this enough - do NOT get misemotional (cry, fly into a rage, pout, act in any way upset) when you talk to him. Make it safe for both of you to speak your minds, and do so as adults. Once you communicate and understand where each is at about this, you will feel better. xoxo Jenny

- Response by jennylf, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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I wouldn't like it either, not one bit. You have more patience than I do.

You're supposively his best friend and closest person, who I think ought to be invited to his all female/including EX hang outs. I personally don't think it's cool of the guy to hang out with them without his #1.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Most women will not like this. I don't. You could talk to him about it, ask to be included in the group. I was going to date a man who has lots of close female friends, but it just seems strange to me, and I was not cool with it.

- Response by watbuttondoipush, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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wow, i'm a very jealous person, rationally and irrationally, but i always felt i was crazy...and probably am haha

but all the advice above is amazing, take it. that's my advice haha.

good luck and my real advice is: be RATIONAL talking to your bf about this, don't go over emotional and actually crazY.

- Response by oohbaby, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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No i do not believe u are being irrational. I was recently involved in a similar situation and i let him know that while i did not expect him to end his friendship with her because i was now in the picture, i did expect him to make some DRASTIC changes to it that i would be comfortable with. i informed him that we should BOTH sit and arrive at mutually agreeable boundaries that she could either agree with, or leave the friendship. If i would be staying around, i was sure as hell not going to be the only one uncomforatble!!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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