Back to Home

Active Questions

I hate my relationship with my boyfriend.
Dating / 5:49 PM - Saturday December 20, 2008

I hate my relationship with my boyfriend.

We've broken up so many times and gotten back together. We've just gone the longest stretch in our three-year relationship without breaking up, and now I'm ready for it to be over for good.

He's my best friend, but we're just too different. I hate the way he shuts down communication and plays dirty. He constantly misunderstands me or makes wild accusations about me and my character and I'm done with it. He's combative and unsupportive. This time I'm ready to tell him that it really IS *him*, not me.

Please don't misunderstand me, though- he can be very sweet and caring, but when times are rough he makes it alot rougher. I know I don't bring out the best in him, and he for damn sure doesn't bring out the best in me.

It just feels hopeless, because we've never managed to break up before. How can I avoid lapsing back?

- Asked by anie01, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Teaching

Read more about the Rating System


Come back here, and we'll make sure you don't.

I already told you that you need to end it. You are too young, and it shouldn't be this hard. My ex was like that in the beginning. He was SO "nice" when times were good, but when things got stressful, he took it out on me. He asked me once what my greatest fear was and I told him I didn't think he'd be there for me if I really needed him. The person you are with SHOULD be there, and you should be confident that they will be.

We'll be here for you to remind you that you're doing the right thing. ;-)

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35

Rating Received:


Keep a printout of what you just typed in your wallet and taped on your bathroom mirror. Everytime you get weak and think "oh, it wasn't that bad!" you read it and get back in touch with the feelings of confusion, worthlessless, anger, frustration and heartbreak that you had at this moment.

You do that enough times you will be through with him soon enough.

- Response by msheartbeat, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


Sometimes I find it incredible that two people who have been in each others' lives for so long (as you and your boyfriend have) CAN break up. Now, I know that isn't encouraging, but what I mean to say is: After a certain amount of time, that other person almost becomes a part of you. Even if they are making you furiously unhappy on a regular basis, you become so used to it that it doesn't seem worth it to walk out...You rationalize their bad behaviour, because it could always be worse, right?
For every good time, how many bad times are there? Does every high make up for (and then some) every low?
I'm thinking that the answers to similar questions have helped you come to your decision to break up with him. Now, you just need to learn to be firm in it.
The most important thing to do is to create distance. It's incredibly hard to get over someone you see all the time (my boyfriend is in my friend group and, when we were broken up for a short while, this was torture). So, do everything you can to cut him out of your day-to-day life. If he goes to your school, try hanging out in different places. If he's friends with your friends, talk to them and see if you can work out a way to keep you guys separate, even if it's just for a month or two. If you work together, ask to change shifts. Do as much as possible to get some distance while you move on.
Aside from getting distance, try writing a letter about all the bad things you feel about your relationship now, and keep it. When you're feeling tempted to get back together, read it and remember how unhappy you were. Try writing a list of all his crappy qualities, and one of all of your fantastic qualities. Remind yourself why you left and know that things will not change if you take him back.
Keep busy, take on a new hobby, a new class, get a new haircut, and, for the time being, cut him out of your life. Once you're healed, then you can consider being friends again, but for now, you need some time without him.

- Response by scar1etstar1et, An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25, Therapist

Rating Received:


you tried, it didn't work. let it go and just be there for eachother as friends

- Response by jojo914, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


You've been through a long period away from him, just extend it. Tell him that it's finally over, that you don't want to continuie as you have been with him. Be strong, I know you can do it!

- Response by lacey07, A Life of the Party, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

Rating Received:


HEY I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING THAT YOUR GOING YOU FEEL AS IF THERE IS NO HOPE AND JUST DONT KNO WHAT TO DO ANYMORE..YOU SHOULD REALLY THINK DOES HE MAKE ME HAPPY...WHY WERE WE TOGETHER SO LONG..WHAT DO I SEE IN HIM...DOES HE CARE ABOUT ME...MAKE A LIST OF PROS AND CONS AND WHICH EVER ONE COMES OUT MORE THATS UR ANSWER..THAT MIGHT SEEM EASY BUT YOU HAVE TO REALLY SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT WHERE YOU WANT TO GO IN LIFE AND WILL HE BE THERE..YOU SAY HE IS SWEET AND CARING..IS THAT ALL WE WANT FROM A RELATIONSHIP?I KNOW U GUYS BEEN THROUGH HELLL AND BACK BUT WAS HE THEREZ/RIGHT THERE WITH YOU?HOW DOES HE MAKE YOU FEEL IS THE BIG QUESTIONS ....DOES HE TRUST U?WITHOUT KNOWN YOUR VALUES U WILL HAVE NOTHING!!GOOD LUCK AND REALLY THINK ABOUT YOUR PAST...PRESENT AND FUTURE GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

- Response by tweetyzgirl18, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Student

Rating Received:


Hardest thing in the world, I know I've been there.

I was with my ex for ten years, we would split up, get back together, split up, get back together... This went on and on.

I stayed with it and while I'm not saying it was a waste of those years the result of it has left me in a bad financial situation.

It's over now for good, I just wish I had the strength to end it earlier.


All you can do is be strong, get support from your friends and family and try your hardest to move on.

- Response by beelzebub, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


you break up and don't go back. only you can stop the cycle.

- Response by busyb704, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

Rating Received: