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I need to understand why he says one thing and does another
Dating / 8:47 PM - Thursday December 18, 2008

I need to understand why he says one thing and does another

He says he really loves me but wants to be with his friends more than me... Clubs, Bars, movies, restaurants... Its been over a month since he has made an effort to actually spend some time with me. I have tried not taking his calls, I moved out, turned my phone off for days... he just keeps
coming around with his sweet little smile promising to do something with me later on and then nothing...I don't know how to stop this cycle. It's so hard for me when I try to let go and he keeps coming back telling me how much this is just a phase and he is going to marry me and that I am his one.... I feel so stupid... I don't know how to stay away or not believe him when he comes around saying that stuff. I think I love him I want to believe that he loves me. The idea of him being out of my life with someone new really hurts. Has anyone been through this? How did you let go? I want to let go but its hard when he wont let me.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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I never ever ever ever EVER listen to a word a man SAYS.. I go by his actions.. that will tell you who he is.. words are easy and cheap.. his actions are showing you who he realy is BELIEVE HIM.. words are simple.. consistant good behavior is not

- Response by smartblond, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Charlotte, Self-Employed

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It makes sense that you would want to believe someone who you have loving feelings for and want to be with. However, my mother use to say actions speak louder than words. In your situation it seems his actions are speaking louder than his words.

To let something go you just have to remain consistent in your response to his words and actions. If you want to spend time with him and he says he will spend time with you, hold him to it and follow through with a consequences when he does not (i.e. do not talk to him until he follows through etc.). You can also set limits around accepting his calls, emails, or visits. That way you are in control of his comings and goings in your life and can limit your exposure to him. Over time you will have more time to spend with others doing things that are good for you, while he will be giving the same old lines to himself or someone else who willnot be happy with him.

This year for the holidays do something good for yourself!

Good luck!!!

- Response by lasirenamorena, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Executive

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I have been through it....guys are always full of shit and I have no idea what is going on with this guy. It is obvious that he likes you because he keeps coming to you but doesn't do what he says he is going to do which is pretty common for most men!!! I have no idea..usually I tell them that it bugs me and that I am moving on.

- Response by allyirls, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, New York, Fashion

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I know exactly what you're saying!! It's a game called stringing her along.

- Response by cougar01, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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