In a perfect world, people should never get divorced, and if they do, it should be after the kids have grown, right? Well, we do not live in a perfect world, we have war, disease and natural disasters. I have been reading some crazy stuff like "He shouldn't have more kids" "Don't date or marry a man with kids" "He shouldn't have abandoned his kids" Bla Bla Bla. Ok, my husband did not want to divorce his ex-wife, she asked for the divorce. He was perfectly willing to be miserable, but she wanted to be happy, filed the papers and got the good lawyer. Along with that came primary physical custody, which in the majority of cases, the woman gets. Is a man not entitled to remarry and be happy? To have more children that he can actually see everyday (not every other weekend and Wednesdays for dinner) and have a say in how that child is raised? Human nature is what it is, it cannot be changed. If a divorced man with kids remarries a woman of childbearing age who has no kids of her own, chances are she will want her own children. You cannot stop love or basic human wants and needs. Firstly, how on earth can an ex come first? In what context? This whole kids come first mentality is ridiculous and nonsensical. Ok, I understand that if there is a food shortage, the children should be the first to be fed, take priority in getting a flu shot during a pandemic, get the warmer blanket at night in an unheated house, etc..... If the child has a really important dance recital or championship game at the same time the new wife has her company Christmas party, or her dads 60th birthday party, or her big art gallery showing, then the father should go to the childs event. Other than that, what does it mean that the kids come first? The truth is, the marriage needs to come first. If it is neglected, another divorce will result, leaving the father with 2 visitation schedules to juggle, and where will all of the kids be then? He'll be paying support to two households, has even LESS time for visitation, and the kids from the first marriage won't get anything extra whether it be time or money from their dad because he has nothing extra to give! Kids need to be in a stable environment and see a healthy relationship, otherwise, they will end up in a broken home. They will not know how to have a happy relationship themselves that is based upon mutual respect and understanding when they become adults. Unfortuately, in the court system, first family is first when it comes to child support. Nothing can be done about that. But nobody should dictate that a father should treat the children of the first marriage better or differently than the children of the second marriage. I wonder what children of second marriages have to say in this thread? People were always teling me when I was about to marry my husband that I should love my stepchildren "as your own" These comments exclusively came from women who had their "own" children and NO stepkids. Walk a mile in our shoes, the second wives and new children, and everything will be clear.
- Response by wifenumber3
, A Thinker, Female, 36-45