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I have fallen out of love with my husband. How do I tell him its over when he worships the ground I
Married Life / 1:37 PM - Tuesday December 16, 2008

I have fallen out of love with my husband. How do I tell him its over when he worships the ground I

We got married very fast, right after we met. We have only been together 5 years and married for 4.5 of them. I don't love him anymore, I think he knows it but he won't admit it. He worships the ground I walk on and is so sweet to me, but the thought of being with him forever makes me ill, while the thought of him being gone is hard to deal with. I'm so confused as to what to do. I have been trying to get over it for 2 years now, and I think its time I move on. I just need guidance as to how to do it.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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If you have fallen out of love with him you can easily fall back in love with him. You two should read "The Five Love Languages" together. Learn what each others love language is and then you can figure out what it is that he isn't doing to make you love him.

Love is a choice. You choose to be open to it or you don't. After 5 years you should really try harder to figure it out not just with yourself but with him too.

- Response by sassafras, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Other Profession

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Community Rating: Community Star

You are every "nice guy"s nightmare!

He's perfect and loves you, but you don't love him back & now you're going to walk out on him.
Nice....I hope karma bites you in the ass REAL HARD!

- Response by Vickey69, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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So he loves you, and there seems to be no problems in your marriage, just you have fallen out of love?


Well, first of all, do not tell him how you feel(even though you think he knows) he has done nothing to deserve that kind of heartache...Time for you to get to the bottom of your feelings, find out what is making you feel this way. He is "worshipping the ground you walk on" because he doesn't want you to leave..He is TRYING, something that you apparently are not doing.


Don't give up on your marriage this soon...It could be your age, or rushing into thing like you said...If you stay in it for the long haul, you may realize that he is the love of your life. Perhaps speaking to a marriage counselor would be a logical first step.


- Response by lovelylife, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35

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Maybe you should first contemplate a separation. There aren't a lot of guys out there that'll worship the ground you walk on, and he sounds like a good guy (you even stated how sweet he is to you). I think you maybe didn't have much time to see what else is out there before marrying him, and so maybe you aren't even aware what a great catch you have. So, maybe if you separate for awhile, see what else is out there, you may realize he IS the one you want. Then again, that may be too late, and he will not want to give you that time to find that out. Of course, you can't force yourself to love someone, and maybe he really isn't the person for you... but I really think you should question what has made you fall out of love with him and talk to him about it to see if you can first work on it. If it's not possible to work out, and you really know in your heart it's over... this means taking into consideration him not being in your life anymore and him moving on and finding someone else that loves him back... then you should just end this.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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Counseling first. If you've spent 2 years feeling this way, there was clearly a long period of time during which you DID love him. And, now, you admit you don't want him to be gone, you just don't feel the love.

Seek professional counseling quickly.


- Response by dawsonmckay, A Rebel, Male, 36-45, Phoenix, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Perhaps you can try marriage counseling.
I'm not saying it will help you stay together; rather, it could help both of you verify that you are no longer marriage-compatible, and it may help each of you to go your separate ways.

- Response by andrewj5267, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Miami, Teaching

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"Falling in love" and "falling out of love" are both BULLSH-T

LOVE is a VERB, not a state of mind.
Either you LOVE someone, or you do not love them.

Now, if there is a reason you do not want to love them any longer, try to find it out - but be HONEST with yourself, and with him.

First and foremost BE HONEST about yourself with yourself.
That is your first biggest step. If you can't do that, you really cannot do anything else.

Second, what changed?
Did he change? Or did you just not know him? You know what - it doesn't matter. You married him, so you "accepted" him, and now you must CHOOSE either to live with him, or not.

Did you change? Why?? What did you learn that made you feel differently about him now than when you met and married??




IMHO, you were both too young, you jumped into it blind, and later had regrets and/or you (both) haven't completely committed yourselves to making it work.

Get professional help to understand the problem, and then decide if you want to overcome the problem. You may also need professional help learning how to do that.



- Response by cd92835, A Career Man, Male, 46-55

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Tell him he picked the wrong girl and you hope he picks the right one next time

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Im in the same boat, Im going thru the same thing and nobody will understand unless they are in it, my story is a little different I have 2 kids with mine, and he is Greek with a Terrible Greek mother in law, but he does love me, and however does stick up for his mom, which I can't stand. He is the kindest sweetest man you will meet, but I don't know how much more I can take, Im sure we could be best friends but not in a marriage, I have been going thru this for almost 10 years, So I know your pain girl. Just pray god will give you your answer, You do not want to spend the rest of your life unhappy. You have to do what makes you happy and the rest will follow.... Im still trying to figure out mine, but I can honestly say its been the unhappiest 10 years of my life. Hope god will be with you and send us an answer!!! God Bless. And ignore that crazy lady that wrote you about Karma and shit, she just wants someone to love her because she is probably a B$#%! Sorry but true! Do what makes you happy Sweetheart:) Good luck!!!

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Executive

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You should be with some real assholes that use you and treat you like crap. Then you will find out that your husband is a good man and you didn't deserve him!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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You should be with some real assholes that use you and treat you like crap. Then you will find out that your husband is a good man and you didn't deserve him!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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No kids? Just do it. Kids? You're stuck and you better start working on your relationship.

- Response by stringjammer, A Career Man, Male, 56-65, Chicago, Self-Employed

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