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Is he afraid to fall in love and in a relationship?
Dating / 10:12 AM - Saturday December 13, 2008

Is he afraid to fall in love and in a relationship?

I have been seeing/dating this guy for two months..going on three. We text each other everyday, we talk, hang out and have great sex. I know that he is trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life, and I am not pressuring him to be in a relationship with me, but he keeps reminding me (like usually after sex..like a few days after) that he likes what we have and does not want anything more. Then I asked him what we should label "us" as then, he said that he was bad at that, so I told him that we are seeing/dating each other and he agreed. I know that since he is bad at labeling "relationships", and things to do with them, I agree with him, because I am also not in a rush, but I think that he is afraid to fall in love with me. I really need help, because he is a very confused man, and I want him to know that I like what we have, but eventually I do want to love him, I want to show him that it is not bad to be in love, or in a relationship.

Update: December 13, 2008.
He told me that there was nothing wrong with me being called his gf....but he did hint to me the other day while we were out that he needs to start focusing on his life. I don't disagree with him...I just recently applied to my masters...so I know what he is going through with work and school. I do not intend to force him into anything....it is either you want to be in a relationship or you dont...eh..I am happy either way....:)

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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What it sounds like is this guy really does like you and enjoys being with, however at this point he probably just doesn't want the responsibility or pressure of relationship or being "stuck" with just one girl. It's not that he doesn't want to, he probably does eventually, he's just not ready right now. Talk to him about it, but don't pressure him or ur setting your relationship u have now up for failure. But do tell him how you feel and let him him know what you want but DON'T scare him away by doing so. Good Luck!

- Response by sweetdiva3, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Ottawa

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Depending on how old you are he probably just wants to hook up. You probably want more out of it; but he just wants some booty and it will remain that way....

- Response by kman12, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Teaching

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To me, it doesn't sound as if he is confused at all. It sounds like he doesn't want a real relationship and is happy with things the way they are. He even told you that he doesn't want anything more and likes everything the way it is. That is all! He is NOT confused. He is saying what he says because he is trying to avoid saying/doing anything to upset you because he still wants you around, he just doesn't want to commit to you. If you want something more, I think it would be better for you to look elsewhere. I don't think he wants the same thing you do.

- Response by iamboo2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Therapist

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Dessert should be served AFTER the meal, not BEFORE it. You've been giving him dessert in the sex you've been having him in the two-going-on-three months of your association without him having fed you the meal--he's having his cake and eating it, too with no confession of love for you or expressed interest in the development of your relationship into one. What rightfully does he owe you after that?

You lost as soon as you turned up the boody on the premise that your capitulation would cement your relationship that he has not made known to you even exists in his mind, much less his heart. And you continue to see no evidence of any love culminating between you; instead, he gives you these lines after you have given him his "dessert" of sex:

"[I] like what we have, but do not want anything more." "...As regards labeling [us] as a couple, [I] am bad at relationships and things to do with them."

And so to accommodate this young man who is in opposition to YOUR desires, you have talked yourself against rushing the relationship you want on the mistaken assumption that he is afraid to fall in love with you and confused. And you intend to do that by continuing to sleep with him to show him that it is not bad to be in love or in a relationship WITHOUT TELLING HIM OF YOUR FEELINGS FOR HIM, FOR WHICH YOU NEED HELP!

Well, you sure do. Short of letting this guy use you for two-going-on-three months with not a word out of your mouth as to the "true meal of a love relationship" with him that you WANT, he's been giving back to you with a cherry on top the same "just dessert" of "busting your cherry" that you've been handing over to him.

- Response by thedaimler2006, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Self-Employed

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