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Active Questions

How do you deal with a Two-faced co-worker?
Career / 4:19 PM - Friday December 12, 2008

How do you deal with a Two-faced co-worker?

I work with a female, here in my office. She like to keep up BS, though I am not sure why.
Anyway she recently has decided to start backstabing me, by bad mouthing me about both my work style and just me personally. Mostly going to her manger but others as well, who then in turn comes to me. With whatever nonsense she told her.
I feel that if I have any issues with anyone or they with me I speak to them directly on it, so I can resolve the matter right then and there like two adults.
Yet when I confront her she all smiles and friendly like, I'm not sure what to do about it, in fact I'm not even sure why she doing it, shes 50 years old and plays like a 15 year old.
I've never dealt with anything like this before now and I would like options on how to address it.

- Asked by 1man4commonsense, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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The next time it happens, just tell her: "It has come to my attention that you are talking about me in a negative way to our co-workers, both about me as a person and the way I work. If you have a problem with me or my works style I would greatly appreciate it if you come to me directly so we can solve this problem. I have nothing against you, but it is unacceptable to me that someone in the office talks about me behind my back. I don't treat YOU that way and I would appreciate it if you would return that favor".

Something like that. Slander is unacceptable. Confront her and if she keeps doing it even after that, then report her to the human resource director.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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Well there are 2 ways. One take it to HR & her manager for a complaint.

Or 2, let her know that people have come to you to tell you the things she has said about you. Make it a statement to her, don't "ask" her if she has done these things. Then tell her you would appreciate a more professional behavior from a woman of her age. And walk away. Don't even let her talk.

- Response by honey1306, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Denver, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

If you've confronted her and she has nothing to say, ignore, ignore, ignore. If you've got her "number" assume other's do too.

- Response by cubbiegal, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago, Administrative

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I agree with Honey. The more room you give this, the bigger it'll grow. She's probably bored and start up drama just for the fun of it.

Your reputation should speak for itself against what anyone has to say. I went through something similar in a past position. Whenever Management or anyone would ask me about something this particular person said, I'd stop them and tell them "Look, if you want to hear this out, call a meeting with her and I and we'll all sit in a room together and discuss this. If you're not willing to do that, please assume whatever she's saying is not true and don't report it to me as I do not engage in drama and games from anyone". Then leave it at that.

I can see associates doing this but Management? It's appalling. Their role is to limit these things quickly, quietly and professionally--not carry them to and fro like they are some kind of kids themselves!

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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You said she's all nice and smiles...smiles when she denys it or smiles when she admits it?
If it's when she denys it then take her back to her boss and let her tell her boss to her face that she didn't say it.
If she denys it tell her boss told you she said it.

- Response by justme38271, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Consulting

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have her and you go to see the supervisor and clear this thing up. if you need witnesses...ask that you be given a chance to provide them.
she is immature and may be jealous of you for whatever reason.

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Atlanta, Retired

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Unless it is directly effecting your work you don't address ignore it she is seeking you said she is fifty going on fifteen..she is playing like a teenager begging for your is your decision how much your going to give..if it is effecting your work then call her on it infront of people in a professional manner..It will stop the games.

- Response by cjs1991, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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