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How to know if a guy wants to be more than friends with benefits?
Dating / 9:29 PM - Saturday December 06, 2008

How to know if a guy wants to be more than friends with benefits?

A guy friend from college and I had always been friends with on and off benefits. We always remained friends and set each other up with formal dates, but never dated each other. Now that I've moved to the same city as him again, we've spent alot of time together, however always with other friends. In the midst of it all, I was going to try to hook him up with one of my friends only to find him pursuing me like he used to. Though we've fooled around many times, we recently had sex for the first time after a night out. I'm interested in him now more than friends, which has never really been the case previously. I think he feels the same way, but I'm scared that if I'm wrong, I risk our dynamic and friendship. Not sure how it turned into more serious feelings, but now I'm not sure how to figure out what his intentions are? It's not about the sex, although it was great...I realize the potential we have to make a strong couple and make each other happy.

Update: December 12, 2008.
Well, it's a friends Birthday tonight and I invited him to come along with us since it's in his part of town. I'm thinking I should have a few drinks and leave it at that to give him so more one on one time and see how he acts. I have alot of other friends coming tonight that I just started hanging out with, or haven't seen in awhile, maybe it will be a good thing for him to see I have options and I'd rather be with him.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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Like any other potential romance, this one has a 50/50 chance of working out. One, he could like things the way they are, and never be able to see you as more than just a "friend with benefits." Or two, he could (like you) have realized the potential that the two of you have.

Either way, you need to talk to him. The fact that you said you tried to set him up and he pursued you instead, shows that he does have interest in you. Guys are simple, they pursue what they want... They are innate hunters.

My advice is set up a dinner... Just the two of you, and then just be open and honest about how you feel. Tell him that your feelings have changed and that you would like to know where he stands. I know you are afraid of ruining the friendship dynamic that you have, but it is something that needs to be done.

If the relationship works out, it was worth the risk, if it doesn't and the friendship fizzles, then it wasn't meant to be. As long as you have feelings for him, and are participating in a friends with benefits situation, your heart will not be open to other potential boyfriend/mates. That would essentially put your life on hold. He very well be going through the same struggle with how to approach this situation with you; by setting up the dinner the two of you will have an opportunity to be away from your other friends one on one and figure this out. That said, if he is interested, he will let you know once you give him the green light... If he isn't, he isn't and then you will be free to move on (after your heart has some time to heal), because he won't magically become interested in you months or years from now.

On a side note:

Based on what you said, if he passed up a date for you, he is probably interested; however, if after you tell him he says no, or he likes it the way it is, he is afraid of ruining the relationship, etc... Please do yourself a favor and DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM ANYMORE. You will only be creating a situation that will allow yourself to get more and more attached to someone that isn't into you.

I hope that helps... Good luck and best wishes!

- Response by wants2help, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Chicago, Teaching

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Let him know how you feel. Don't let it sit inside of you. This does have the potential of making things really bad but you have to look at the good side.

- Response by ballzdeep318, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Chicago, Science / Engineering

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Empty bubbles...



- Response by wendyshoefitz123, A Player, Female, Who Cares?

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