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Should I text my ex to wish him a happy birthday?
Dating / 11:27 AM - Friday December 05, 2008

Should I text my ex to wish him a happy birthday?

First, let me emphasize that I do not want to get back with him. I broke up with him almost 4 weeks ago b/c he was lying to me about keeping long distance, semi-romantic contact with his ex. He sent me flowers and an apologetic letter initially asking if we could start over and work things out. Then less than 24 hours later, he sends a text wanted to know if we could just be friends. I said alright. But I didn't trust that "friendship" was all he wanted. He texted me a couple days after the break up, on a Sunday, to ask if he could come over and get some stuff he left at my apartment. I said no and offered to bring them to his job the next day. He declined my offer and said he would get them another time. He then never calls back for his things. But texts me randomly the Friday after week break up to wish me a "good weekend." I text him back saying thank you. Still he doesn't mention getting his stuff. I finally become frustrated with his possible game playing and proactively gather all his stuff and place it in a gym bag to take to his job and drop it off. But before I do this, I call him to let him know I'm coming. He tells he he's not at work, and I, without trying to make other arrangements b/c I was already at his job, told him that I was leaving it with his secretary. I reasoned that he was being avoidant/playing games since I hadn't heard anything from him about getting his stuff eventhough HE originally asked for it back when we broke up. So i drop off his stuff. He texts me "thank you." After that, I didn't hear from him again. About 2 weeks ago, I was in the gym and we were about 20 feet away from eachother. We both avoided eye contact, and went our separate ways without speaking. And lastly, neither of us contacted eachother on Thanksgiving. So, I'm wondering if I should even bother sending my ex a happy birthday text. I mean, we dated for about 3 months. For the 3 months we were together I would say that was a decent friend, but an unfit boyfriend by my standards. He said he loved me, but I know he was saying the same thing to his ex, because I actually spoke to her and she was the one that let me know he was still communicating with her. All in all, I ended it because I'm certain he's not honest or faithful when it comes to a monogamous relationship. Nevertheless, I'm wondering if I should bother texting him for his birthday (Sunday) given that we don't even speak anymore and I haven't seen him since the gym incident.

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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He's not faithful or honest, so send him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Why? Forget about him.

- Response by aoluserchick, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Consulting

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I think that it might be best to not contact him on his birthday. I understand that you don't want him back and are not interested in starting anything with him. He might not see it that way. He may think that your contacting him is a way to get things started again. I think that by your contacting him, you may be putting yourself in a situation that you really don't want to be in. Why risk creating possible problems for yourself that you really don't need. I think since you are trying to get over him and move on that your contacting him, may hinder your progress in getting over him. I say let the past remain in the past and let sleeping dogs lie.

- Response by iamboo2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Therapist

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...just reading your first paragraph, made me feel that he doesn't deserve a "Happy Birthday" call from you or any other woman but his mother!

You said he is still communicating with her...that should be enough to tell you not to bother with him.

Don't lower yourself to him and don't let "Three Months" of a relationship define who you are. This is easier said than done... let him go!


His ignorance and selfishness has just made room for a true Gentleman to come along and sweep you off your feet!

Best wishes

- Response by pinklillies1, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, New York, Teaching

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Don't bother. Let the relationship go and move on. I think you both are playing a silly game of who will let go first.

- Response by livestolaugh, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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