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Nosy Mother in law. How can I get her to backoff?
Family & Parenting / 7:42 PM - Sunday November 16, 2008

Nosy Mother in law. How can I get her to backoff?

How important is it to have a close relationship with your inlaws, even at the cost of tons of stress?

My mother in law is overbearng, intrusive and manipulative to the point that she gives me stomach aches and keeps me up at night.

I am sick of her intruding in my life, hearing her insult everyone and having her try to control our lives. She even called today to say she didn't see us on the boardwalk-we go there to be alone, not to be tracked down by her. Breathing space please!

- Asked by milla, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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You and hubby need to discuss this in-depth. You need to decide on some boundaries (i.e. she has to call before she comes over, Sundays are for you guys ONLY, and some potential boundaries for the baby.) Then, you need to sit MIL down and give her "the rules".

Not to scare you, but it's about to get MUCH worse because of the baby. She will question everything you do. I've been through this with my own Mom. It got to the point that I said, 'They aren't your kids. It's not of you F-ing business.'

Yes, it will be hard and her feelings will be hurt, but it must be done. If not, it will drive a wedge in your marriage and make your life a living hell.

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Managerial

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It is important to keep toxic people OUT of your life. It doesn't matter who they are - family, "friends", bosses....they will shorten your life-span and make the time you *do* have miserable.

You need to tell her to back off. Tell her politely. If she gets pissed, too bad. If she won't back off, then avoid her. Don't go to see her, don't invite her over, don't acknowledge her existence, and MOST of all, don't let her control your life. It's not that hard. A nice calm "I don't care what you think, I'm doing <<this>>, and I don't need you to like it" usually does the trick.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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Fortunately, my husband isn't close with his family so I don't have to be. I tried..really I did..and quickly found out why he isn't close with them. I'm nice..but I don't get involved..

- Response by bikerchick1, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Financial / Banking

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I told my husband that it was his mother that he needed to tell her to back off, and he did. I don't know that it worked at all? In-Laws are a cosmic joke!

- Response by 1flyonthewall, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Columbus, Self-Employed

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it is good to have a relationship with ur in laws but in every relationship couples need space ..after working during the week you need time to nurture ur relationship ..outside interferance from anyone is not good esp from in laws .. i think when they are included too much in your lives they take it for granted that they must make an input ... they need to be informed that some decisions are just none of their business .. my marriage actually broke up because of my in-laws ... they ruled my husband's life b4 we got married and they tried to do the same with mine .. i spoke to my ex- hus about it but apparently he had no backbone i left .. i am by no means telling you to do the same but at least ur husband should tell her nicely ..if he doesnt you should have a talk with her ..what have you got to lose .. imean you are already feeling stressed and frustrated! hope u feel better

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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You need to tell your spouse how you feel and that you don't want to have to move away but that you do need her to allow you and him to live your lives as you are married adults.

- Response by julzmom, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Kansas City, Home Maker

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