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How do I get my man to admit he's cheating?
Sex & Intimacy / 8:00 AM - Sunday November 02, 2008

How do I get my man to admit he's cheating?

How do I get my fiancee to admit that he cheated on me? He denies it and will do until the day I die, and although I know for sure that he was unfaithful, it would make a huge difference and would mean the world to me if the truth comes from him and not from other people. I guess the reason for this is that it hurts more not knowing why he did that to me when I have sacrificed so much for him. I am pregnant with our first child, and although he tells me everyday of how much he loves me and stuff, he still found it in his heart to cheat on me while I go through this pregnancy.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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ok - I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound good. Put the wedding on hold until you've at least had the baby and sorted this out. He is cheating on you so early on, and you're not even married yet? Warning signs~! He might love you very dearly, and you might be able to salvage this one, but you definitely (you are quite right) need to have that discussion before anything can be resolved and you move forward. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing that he knows that if he admits it - shit will hit the fan - and given what is at stake - he knows that if you just 'hear it' from him, that it is an admission that will always (whenever times are tough or you are angry with him) be thrown back in his face ('you cheated on me! you b*stard!') and I think he is maybe thinking that if he doesn't actually ever come out and say it, then that scenario won't be able to take place. Even though you know it did. I don't know, there is an always lot of lack of dishonesty going on here - are you sure you want to marry this guy? It's going to take time, forgiveness, counselling, the sleep deprivation and trials of a new baby, a rocky's gonna be tough. Good luck to you, sincerely. Just have the baby - he always the father regardless, and decide about the wedding and the future of the relationship, down the track...

- Response by gogobbles, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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And when he comes clean, you will be happy to share the rest of your life with a marginally honest, unfaithful man.

- Response by stillagoodguy1, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Political / Government

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Community Rating: Community Star

have him take a lie detector, check ur local phone book for a testing place. if he won't take it, then u know he cheated.

- Response by nicky711, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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I am a person of spirit and not religion

and I have in facing such things as the impossible as in prayer for the resolution to come and then I let it go

and the resolution does come

- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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Presuming your fiance did admit to cheating, would that really make a difference to you? Would you be able to move on any sooner or forgive any easier? It seems from your statements as if you still don't understand why he cheated -- and you most likely never will. So what good would knowing that he's done this from his lips really do? You clearly already know in your heart he was unfaithful. At this point where you are pregnant with his child and seem to be choosing a path of forgiveness since you're still engaged to him, you need to work to move past this and learn to develop trust in him. It takes a REALLY long time to do this. And if you feel that your ability to trust in him is hinged on whether he admits to the cheating then you need to tell him this. If he continues to deny this you need to decide whether you can live with his lie (presuming there is no possibility of him telling the truth) or whether this is a big enough issue to allow for you never to trust in him again. Because do you honestly want to be with a man whom you cannot trust?

- Response by janedivided, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Executive

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