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The Annoying Wandering Eye of my Boyfriend...
Dating / 12:51 PM - Friday October 31, 2008

The Annoying Wandering Eye of my Boyfriend...

Ive been dating my boyfriend for the last six months and I'm starting to notice his 'wandering eye' more and more. In the beginning of our relationship, his wandering eye didnt exists but now it seems like everyone who passes him catches his eye. I have even caught him holding me from behind to check someone out. I also noticed it becomes more frequent and bold after he has had a few beers and or if his friends are around. I even catch the occasional "gawk" at someone and I remain in disbelief that he is doing it right in front of my face.

Should I care about this behavior? Is he looking for something better? Is it a 'macho' thing? Is he doing it because every guy that passes me is checking me out? Is it something I should bring to his attention and tell him how it makes me feel or is he going to laugh and tell me to get over it because he is 'only human'??? Should I start checking guys out too?

- Asked by uhhohh, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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I believe that at any age it is a blatant form of disrespect. If people want to act or treat life as if they were living in a meat locker, they should do it solo...

However, there are a plethora of reasons why people adopt wandering eyes... Some may even have to do with insecurity, but I don't believe that is your situation.

Do you want to stoop? Do you find the meat locker mentality appealing? Why lose respect for yourself and go there otherwise? Whatever it is you want in life, go for it... Don't put up with no crap in the process....

- Response by smackedoften, A Rebel, Male, 56-65, Phoenix, Who Cares?

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Wellll....just because you're on a diet...doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

- Response by hu32700, A Rebel, Male, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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You need to be yourself. And he needs to be himself (which is probably what he's doing... this is the real him).

Having said that, everyone needs to "fight" against certain parts of their base nature. All of us guys need to learn that it is rude to look at other girls when we're with our's.

And girls need to learn to love football :)

- Response by mrmusic, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 56-65, Los Angeles, Artist / Musician / Writer

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OK - all I heard is "should I start checking out guys too"......*ahem* call me crazy, but you should be doing that anyway shouldn't you? I check out guys all the time. I'm not dead! Neither are you...or him. No harm in lokking dear.

- Response by uberguber, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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Men ARE going to look, it's the way they're hard wired. That being said, he does NOT need to be doing it in front of you. That is rude and crude. Talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel and ask him to stop. Then if he doesn't, well, you'll know what kind of person he is and how much your feelings mean to him.

- Response by snowbelle, A Cool Mom, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Medical / Dental

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First, there is a level of respect that should exist between two people in a relationship. However, what you classify as "checking other woman out and gawking" may very well simply be your perception. Simply because you feel a certain way, does it make it reality. You need to sit down and truly communicate how you feel and discuss this...

"Good communication doesn't mean confession, confusion, or coercion. It means knowing what you feel and think, conceptualizing it, finding a language that both of you understand and sticking around long enough for the other person to do the same. It takes time, effort, thought, consideration, courage, compassion and a willingness to really listen."

- Response by blackwind, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Technical

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Let's start with basics - do not play tit for tat. That is childish playground behavior. If this bothers you and you believe it is wrong for him to check out other women why would it be right for you to do the same with other men? You would be setting a very unhealthy pattern for any future you may have together.
Second - talk with him. Tell him you notice this is escalating and it concerns you. Ask him what it means to him. I do not know what he will say but how he responds will tell you a lot about what to expect from him in working through issues in the future. Do remember that looking is fine, the issue is when, how and why. If he is just looking because that is what guys do, tell him how he is doing it is hurtful. Do not tell him not to look, just don't ogle or drool.
Third - are you seriously concerned that he is being unfaithful when drinking or out with his friends without you? If so, you need to determine if that is a realistic concern and if not, let it go. Do watch the drinking - alcohol is the great depressant and the first thing it depresses is inhibitions and judgment.
Bottom line - talk with him. If you cannot talk through this it may be time to move on.
Good luck.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Lawyer

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I say if you are in disbelief then maybe you should think about the relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking or a passing glance, but gawking is a little too much.

Reverse the roles...'do unto him as he does unto you' I always say,and do the EXACT same thing that he has done to you but put your own little twist to it. Just don't over do it...have a little fun with it because I have found out that the guy does not like having done to them what they do to us.

However if it backfires (which sometimes it does) then if you're still uncomfortable with what he's doing then it may be time to tell him buh-bye.

Hope this helps.

- Response by crazyinaj, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Retail

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