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He got me pregnant and is now ignoring me help!
Sex & Intimacy / 2:52 PM - Monday October 27, 2008

He got me pregnant and is now ignoring me help!

Ok this is kinda a long story but ill try to paraphrase it as much as i can, please dont bash or judge on me, im going through enough as it is. Ok last february i met this guy on a dating site, we were both freshman in college. Anyways we hit it off and started dating, i took his virginity two weeks later, we spent every night together, than out of the blue he dumped me while he was on his way to spring break in his home town. I thought i was pregnant but found out i wasnt and we talked when he came back about it and we decided to get back together as "friends with benefits" then i got into cocaine as a way to impress him and draw him closer because i knew he did it once in a while, however i got hooked, he tried several times to end it with me but i was so in love and so coked out i kept pursuing him. Then i finally found out i was pregnant for real by him, so i told him i got an abortion to gain points with him and have one more nice night with him, the next day i told him the truth and that i never got the abortion, he was pissed. Then i got into trouble with school and got kicked out and was put on a 5 day hold in the hospital for drugs (i was off after i found out i was pregnant) And he still talked to me over the phone even though he was a total jerk to me. I saw him one last time, and he wouldnt even kiss me.. Then one day i called him (it was summer and he was home and so was i 6 hours apart) and he hung up on me, this sparked a 3 month ignoring stonewall spree, i tried texting him and calling daily, harrassing his friends, nothing worked. So one day i tracked down his parents address and decided to confront him! i drove 6 hours and i was 4 months pregnant at the time, the second i knock on the door he comes storming out pushing me screaming GET THE F OUT OF HERE, he shoved me atleast 6 times and his parents tottally took his side and didnt even intervene when they saw him pushing me, they were denying i was pregnant, and calling me a cokehead. His mom even called the cops on me because i wouldnt leave, while she was inside his father said to me Exact words "so what if my son knocked you up, ive knocked up 5 or 6 girls and only take care of two of the kids, its your problem not his" i was stunned. So the cops came and of course they lied to him saying i was the psycho and that their son didnt shove me. So they gave him a ticket for physical harrassment and told me to leave. That night i was so mad i sent him tons of texts telling him i was gonna kill him and his family and that i had a gun and never to fall asleep. I was angry. so three days later i was served a restraining order he filed against me. So since then i switched schools and live 80 miles from him (thats if he attends the same university he did) and ive yet to hear from him, ive tried to contact him but stopped since because of the restraining order. Ive tried talking to his friends but hes denying that im even pregnant! i dont know what to do.. i just have so many questions, he was such a nice guy when i met him but now i see him in a different light. i want so badly for him to be a father. By the way i am 20 and he is 19 and i am keeping my child!! so please let me know what may or may not be going through his head and if you think he will be there when the child is born and if he will ever drop the restraining order?

Update: October 27, 2008.
just so all of you know i WAS attending the same school he was, i switched schools because of him and because i didnt want to be reminded of my past mistakes, and i quit drugs the day i found out i was pregnant, i am 20 and abled bodied and will not dump my baby off somewhere, i am sad that hes not around but i didnt obsess over him i just wanted him to be a father, and i still feel hes more in the wrong than me, not saying im not in the wrong, but i feel we both got confronted with a bad situation HE RAN and i stepped up and confronted it head on.. that is all..

- Asked by thegodthatfailed6969, A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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You've messed up badly, but you already know that.
Here are a few tips to keep it from getting worse.
When the child is born, name him as father on the birth certificate. Then go to the Domestic Relations office of your county and have them take it from there. You may need to have a DNA test on the baby & Romeo to prove paternity. No biggie. Do not call him, text him or visit him ever, ever again.
If he fights for custody or visitation, again, let the system do its thing and stay out of it personally.
That's the easy part. Here's the hard part -
You are about to bring an innocent life into this world. This will be a living, breathing PERSON with a story and a history all his or her own. This person only gets one childhood. Childhood is where they learn about becoming a human being, where they learn if they are loved and cared for or not. You are the biggest influence in this child's life, and you get to choose whether the story of his or her life is a happy one, and you get to choose what role you play in that. Work on freeing yourself from bitterness, addiction and bad choices. When you are a Mama, those things don't cut it any more. You've got a new life to form.
Look for help - parenting classes or support groups, DVD's & videos on parenting, read books, visit friends & relatives who are doing a positive job of parenting.
If you cannot turn your life around enough to give this child a good life, consider giving it up for adoption so s/he gets the life she deserves.
Your last question - what is going through his head - is of absolutely no concern to you now. Believe me, it is not good for you. It is not good for the peace of mind you need for your baby. forget him, and his attitude gives you permission to seek child support for that kid. You're gonna need it.
And finally - I am here for you. I will help talk you through any of this. So will lots of others on AO.

- Response by monana, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

okay i'm going to be honest with you. i feel for you. i have 2 kids and can't imagine their father not being in their lives. that being said though, i would just give up on him. my father told me when i was pregnant with my 1st that my life had officially ended. of course i didn't believe him. but its true. your life will be dedicated to this child for the rest of both of your lives. i admire you for keeping the beby, and i wish i could give you a better answer, but all i can tell you is to concentrate on this litlle perfect human being. there are a lot of men out there who will date a woman, even marry a woman with a child. good luck!!!! i really hope everything works out for you and your baby.

- Response by ravin30, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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Consider the guy out of your life and move on with your baby. You know, there is a thing called personal responsibility and you completely ignored it. You had so many opportunities to care for YOURSELF and yet you went on as a mindless child. It is not God that is failing you, you are failing yourself.

- Response by livestolaugh, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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so please let me know what may or may not be going through his head: That you're crazy and he never should have gotten together with you

. . . and if you think he will be there when the child is born: No.

and if he will ever drop the restraining order?: Not if he has any brain cells left whatsoever.

Frankly, you're lucky that all you were served with was a restraining order.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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It sounds like you need to seek some therapy right now, and continue with it. You are acting out of anger, and doing insane things like threatening people's lives. There should never be something that angers you so much, to threaten killing someone and even go as far as explaining what you'd use to do it, for something like this you should seek help immediately, as this is very erratic and dangerous behavior. A lot of the things you have done really make me question your stability, for example doing coccaine only to lure a guy in, lying about having an abortion, continuously calling him, driving 6 hours out of your way to stalk him, harassing his friends about him, and now you've moved 80 miles away from him, and one can only assume it's to be even closer to him. First of all, get over the thought of him being a father to this child, and especially get over the thought of him ever being there for you especially. He wants not 1 thing to do with you at this point, so get over that, and focus on how you can raise this child. You should really even question if you are stable enough to raise a child, and look into allowing a family to adopt your baby. If you are heartbroken this 19 year old guy is not answering your calls now, you are REALLY gonna be hearbroken seeing him not around for his own kid in the future.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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One addiction will lead to another. Trying to impress him was the wrong thing to do.
You are trying to get a guy that is not going to happen.
He is too young to be a father, but both of you were flirting with fate that you would not get pregnant.
I dont blame him for putting a restraining order against you.
you have just lost him! But he should be held to help with the support of his child.

- Response by flwoodpecker, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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Ok, you asked....
What's going through his head is that you are psycho. Stop all contact with him. You shouldn't be worried about what he does FOR NOW. First you need to get clean, for the baby and yourself. You need to get your own *S* together and then once the baby is born go to court for child support. He is going to demand a DNA test, and when it comes back positive that he is the father there is nothing he can do to deny his obligation.
You have to make sure that you have your life together because if you are still abusing drugs he can try and take that baby from you. At this point I doubt that he will ever drop the restraining order, and it's too early to tell if he is going to step up and be a man. Don't wait around on him, you do what you need to do for the baby and yourself.

- Response by 1flyonthewall, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Columbus, Self-Employed

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This is your brain.....
This is your brain in drugs.....

Anyway consider yourself a single mother. Consider yourself needing help. You cannot be there for yourchild in any healthy way, until you get sober. You have to be there for your child! Nobody is going to better for your child except you. But that will mean a healthy drug free life. Drama free life will be better also. Forget about the babies father, he wanted you out of his life, accept that fact. Be true to yourself, seek help, seek out friends that can help you. Good luck. There are plenty of people on here that can give you good advice.

- Response by mhtrends, A Creative, Male, 56-65, Denver, Technical

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It sounds as though he is done with you.

I'm sorry you want badly for him to be a father, but it's doubtful he will.

It sounds as if you are "obsessing" about him. It's a situation you should have been able to let go, and yet, you aren't letting go. You're going out of your way to get his attention - to the point he's filed a restraining order...and you even switched schools and are now only about a hour's drive from him.

None of that sounds very "sane" or logical. It's as if you refuse to believe that this guy has walked out of the picture. It's as if you will not let this "go". It sounds as if you want to force this situation to turn out the way you want it to, but unfortunately, you can't.

I would suggest you go to the health clinic at your school and see one of the doctors. Print your post out, and let the doctor read it. Then get the doctor's opinion on whether or not you're obsessing over this guy and the situation.

While you're there, ask the doctor how you can get paternity testing for your baby. Even if this guy doesn't want to be a dad, he will have to have some degree of financial responsibility for the child. Since he doesn't believe he's the father, and since his parent's aren't sympathetic to your condition, you'll want to have a paternity test done so you can prove to the courts that he is indeed the father.

- Response by kiki812, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Artist / Musician / Writer

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