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Husband works too much and is neglecting me.
Married Life / 5:33 AM - Saturday October 11, 2008

Husband works too much and is neglecting me.

My husband works too much. Usually it doesn't bother me, but today it just got me grumpy.

I feel like he's taking me for granted. I know I shouldn't insist too much, but I don't feel like being second place to work and being dissapointed when he says we'll spend a nice day together and he ends up spending half of Saturday and/or Sunday at work.

We work together, and durring the week we don't go home until 7,8 or 9pm. We're lucky to get more than a half a day of quality time a week!

Mind you, none of it is necesarry-he as a tenure position and no one else here works this much.

His night shift ended at 8am, but he's still at work at 11:30 and probably won't be home until after noon. He promised we would spend the day together, go to the ocean or mountains, and again I'm waiting for him.

It happens all the time, but I'm sick of this rythm!

- Asked by milla, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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I feel your pain. My SO was the same way. It took me leaving for him to finally see that I was never going to be okay with second place.

- Response by jennmay84, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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I'm sure that your complaining stops at when you see his paycheck after working overtime. I've been through the same thing with my first wife. Complain about "no time together", but once that check came, she was happy.

- Response by nytewulf, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Aren't you pregnant? Forgive me if I am wrong but thought I read that in a post.

You might be really feeling emotional because of that and everything that has feelings attached to it, will be magnified by 100. Try to talk to him and let him know how it makes you feel right now. If you do it without anger, I bet he will listen and try a little bit harder to spend more time with you.

I am sorry that you are feeling so down. :(

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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I had a marriage like that....Notice I said HAD!!!!!!!!!You might as well be alone, because you actually are.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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My husband and I had this problem when we first got married. He was a manager at Wendy's and often would work ridiculous hours, including almost all day on Saturday and Sunday. We barely saw each other, and it was putting a huge strain on our marriage which had only just started. Eventually, we came to a solution, and he decided to look for another job that would allow him to still pull in about the same income but would give him more time to put into the marriage.

I would suggest sitting down with him and telling him how you feel about it. There could be many reasons why he chooses to work so often. Perhaps he does it just to "get away" for awhile, or perhaps he just truly doesn't see any problem with it and doesn't realize that it bothers you. It's up to you to set the new rhythm!

- Response by kpack, A Married Girl, Female, 26-28, Student

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you should have a talk with him .. i know how u feel, i was married to a guy who worked 6 1/2 days a week . i felt as though i lived alone .. i got an opportunity to do what i wanted with my friends but the loneliness was still there ... eventually i left him .. please talk to him he needs to understand the effect this is having on u

- Response by morena1112, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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i'm sorry, that sucks.

i felt i was 3RD!!!

he opened his own business. then played in bands on most weekends. he said "it's how i unwind". well, that's cool, man. i won't tell you how to live your life. but note, when you're done 'unwinding' i won't be here!

you're married though, i wasn't. i think/hope things will eventually get better for you.

- Response by isotope, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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Ask him why he has the need to put so many hours into work. Tell him how it makes you feel. Cry. As you live with your spouse it is important to create beautiful memories that you can cling to when you go through rough times, and when you are young is the best time to create them. Financial mergers are lucrative, but not much fun.

- Response by lindasoft, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older

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well in any other financial time i'd give you advise that would steer in the direction of "are you someone he wants to spend time with", but right now in these uncertain financial times he may be worried about the bottom line and whether you two will be OK in the future. are you worried about making ends meet or paying the mortgage? then maybe that's why hes upset or if you lost alot in the stock markets. it's really dod eat dog out there anfd he may HAVE to work the overtime to even keep an job right now. it may not be a time to play but to baten down the hatches and survive until things get better. not fun but reality. if you are not worried about finances and you are OK in that department i'd point blank ask him why he'd reather spend time working than with you. he may be avoiding intimacy or want time apart and then you have a much more serious need to talk!! if it's just a phase, go out with friends and start living and having fun on your own away from him. he may decide that all work is making johhny a dull boy and that in order to keep you around he needs to have some fun with you too!!

- Response by smhoneylamb, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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tough to answer this one because my husband is not far behind yours!! He is nervous about the economy, I am a full time grad student and we have our oldest also in college...not great timing for an ecomonic crisis or for me to complain too much. The only thing I can tell you is that I somehow got him to take 2 days in August to go to Block Island and spend time was AWESOME!! I'm hoping it sparked a little desire to do that again.
He never thinks to do something like work work. Have you been able to tell him how you feel in a way that he understands this is hurting you? I finally did that. It took years, I usually stuff those kinds of feelings... or vent them to all of you on this site:)
best wishes.

- Response by beachgirl67, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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I'm a lot older than you, but my husband is a workaholic. Married 44yrs., he's still ownes 4 business. He doesn't need the money, I think some men have a drive in them and really can't stop. Over the years, he promised he would slow down. He did a little. But this type of man just can't.

He's not taking you for granted. That's not his intention. I use to think and feel like you, but after all these years, I have come to accept our live style. I have a friend and her husband is a lazy ass. She can bearly pay her bills. Believe me, you don't want that.

10 yrs. ago, I filed for divorce, but relized what a big mistake it would be.
As long as he is really working and not using it for an excuse to cheat. Let him be.

- Response by lexis, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Providence, Retired

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