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Meeting my boyfriend's parents....
Dating / 4:43 PM - Tuesday September 16, 2008

Meeting my boyfriend's parents....

So, I'm dating this Asian American guy. I'm African American. Race is no issue, he's a great person and I love spending time with him. He's very Americanized, but his parents are both from Hong Kong. He doesn't get a long with his father, but loves and respects his mother. I haven't met them yet. He's met my parents, but when we were just friends, not since we've been officially dating. But I've dated interracially before and it's not a problem for my parents. He's dated interracially before as well, but it seems that his father has been pushing him to date another Chinese girl from his church. My guy isn't interested, but I'm a little conscious of his father's choice. My guy's older and younger brothers are either married to or dating chinese women. So I guess my question is, how would you suggest I approach or meet with his family? I was thinking of giving them a traditional gift or something the first time I meet them to show respect, but I don't know if that would be overkill or not. He doesn't seem to be concerned about it, but I want to be respectful. Thoughts...

- Asked by shelbylove, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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If his parents are anything like my parents, then the gift part is simple. Get them an orchid. It doesn't have to be expensive (around $15) but older Orientals absolutely LOVE them, don't ask why.

When you meet his family, just be polite. Most older Asians are very into education and their children. Just tell them about what you're doing in school and what you hope to accomplish after you graduate and if all else fails, ask them about their hometowns. Asians love to talk about the past and how grand this was and that was before this guy and that guy came to power.

Good luck!

- Response by ibhyper, A Trendsetter, Female, 26-28, Student

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Being Chinese, myself, I can tell you that there is nothing you can do to impress them. But I like your idea of being respectful. Etiquette plays a huge role in how you are viewed. Take your shoes off when you enter their home, don't criticize the food or over-season your food. Sample everything and don't turn something down, even if it isn't within your diet. And don't forget to smile. That offsets our stoic nature :)

I hope it works out for you.

- Response by zerotohero2, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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i dated an asian guy but he was half black (he grew up with asian culture though). it was a little difficult being accepted but the asian side finally came around to being ok with it. i know you said that your boyfriend doesn't seem to be concerned, but really talk to him and tell him that you want to make sure that you are approaching the situation appropriately. if he still doesn't offer you any suggestions, do you have other asian friends that may be able to help you out? i definitely say come with a nice gesture, but it can be a thin line. best of luck with that.

- Response by macsaucee, A Player, Female, 36-45

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Before the time comes for him to take you to meet them, sit down with him and ask him what would be a nice gift to give them.
Be prepared not to be accepted immediately. But don't give up on this boy.
Be as respectful (knowing you will) and try to learn something about the Chinese life-style. Follow his lead and ask him what would not be overkill...
Best of luck!

- Response by flwoodpecker, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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It's almost funny how you keep repeating how this is NOT about race - LOL! It IS about race! It's ALL about race! If it weren't, you'd get a gift and not wonder - period! You're suppose to be who YOU are, NOT try to fit in to their race or traditions or whatever. You are dating someone who chose you REGARDLESS of how you *think* his family is. If you're going to pretend from the start, he just might be better off with an Asian girl who is HERSELF. (not that it has anything to do with race...lol)

- Response by twocents47, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I recommend that you ask your Chinese BF about the best way to meet with his folks. I hope he will tell you to print business cards in both English and Chinese. I also hope that you will not be that demonstrative in your greeting, e.g., bowing to his folks and shake their hands, but refrain from hugging and kissing.

I also recommend that you buy or borrow from your library the book "Kiss, Bow or Shake Hands" so that you know how to handle greetings in foreign countries, along with rules governing meals, dress, appointments, and gift giving.

Good luck in your future meeting with the BF's parents!



- Response by swillner7, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Washington, DC, Political / Government

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Parents alway want their own desires, hopes and dreams for their children but wise parent accept what their children do. When parent don't like the mate their child chooses they not only alienate the mate but their own child as well. In truth we should want our children happy and that comes from the person they love.

- Response by nowornever, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Financial / Banking

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I hate to break this to you but most people think it's wrong for asians to get interracial especially with blacks. Asians should date and marry other asians, I don't care how Americanized they are, it's just wrong.

If his parents care about him then they would have a problem with you dating him. Same with your parents, if they cared about you they should have a problem with you not dating a black man.

Please think about this before you cause heartaches for both set of parents.

- Response by dudejuice, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Law Enforcement

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I recall a movie in which a character said 'We should all just keep phucking each other untill we're all one color.' May have been Bulldurhan. I was amused when I found out that orientals thought themselves to good or clean blooded or whatever to marry out side of race. Over the centuries the whites had claimed this distintion but had finally loosened up in the last half or the 1900's. Not much but progress was being made. Now the orientals are here in large nimbers and with great ecomomic power, and they proclaim they should not breed with other races. Thats very ironic. I don't think there is a way to convince the traditional orientals to change their mind. Over a period of time you can try to winover both or one of the parents by being yourself, open, honest, and helpful. And when they see how good you are for their son maybe you will be welcomed.

- Response by concorbp, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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Well I love Asian women and have been with many of them. Their cultures are different, along with their beliefs. This is one thing you will have to deal with, just as he will have to deal with you.
Just show respect for his family and their customs and traditions... BE YOURSELF, don't ever compromise that!

- Response by hearmenow, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Other Profession

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