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Guys - what does slow things d ...
Sex & Intimacy / 10:02 AM - Monday August 11, 2008

Guys - what does slow things down mean and why does he want to do this when things are going so well

Guys - what does slow things down mean and why does he want to do this when things are going so well?

Gals – ever had the guy you are dating tell you that he wants to slow things down??? How did things turn out???
I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. We met each other's families last week and went away together this past weekend. We had a wonderful weekend until the ride home. Out of nowhere he says he thinks we should slow things down. I didn't really say much because I had no idea how to react.

He called me later and we talked about it briefly. I told him I need to know exactly what he means by slowing things down and how that will change our relationship.

I feel like I should probably be running the other way because he is obviously unsure of his feelings and what he wants and I don't want to get hurt. Am I overreacting?

- Asked by kelleigh16, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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the last thing you should do with a man who is wobbling is run after him.... instead you should play him at his own game

ie

"hmm.. actually ive thought about it and youre right - things have definitely gone far too fast and slowing down for a long period of time would be a really good idea... great! thanks!" <big smile>

THEN: you get busy - you go out with friends, you take up a new hobby, you dont answer the phone/text/email every time he calls.... he doesnt get to see you every saturday because youre doing other things.... he is NOT YOUR PRIORITY WHEN YOURE NOT FULLY COMMITTED!!!!!!

as painful as it may be to do this, i believe you must.... because a) hes seeing how little he can get away with giving you and seeing if youll put up with it, or b) he is legitimately wobbling and a good deal of space will make him see exactly what he is missing - remember the old phrase "how can i miss you if you wont go away" ?? how can he realise that youre the best thing thats happened to him if youre grovelling around his feet begging for scraps?

you are overreacting a little, but anyone would - take a good few deep breaths, get on the phone to your friends/family/anyone who will make you feel good about yourself - and start planning lots of social events over the next month

DONT initiate any calls/texts/emails over the next month - but the next time (or second) he calls, tell him what i told you to tell him

dont get wobbly, get *assertive*

best of luck :o)

- Response by anonymouse32, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21

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it could mean a myriad of things. i wouldn't worry so much about why he wants to slow things down; because that'll come out later. you have to trust that.

what i would recommend you do, which is probably the hardest, is to give him time and space. that part sucks, but if you keep contacting him and pushing him for reasons, etc.; then he will probably bolt.

most men (myself included) internalize problems we have. we hold them in and work on them internally until they're solved. once they're solved we can talk about them.

i would recommend you have a talk with him. let him know you don't fully understand why he wants to slow things down as you felt things were progressively going so well. i would also recommend that he initiate the majority of the contact (phone calls, texting, etc); but let him know that's the intent.

let him know you want things to progress and work out, and if he needs to slow things down to figure that out, then support him in that.

it's definitely harder for you to do that; but picture a time where you'd want to figure something out, and would want him to give you some space...

good luck.

- Response by boggs77, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Houston, Technical

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You both are.

I have a t-shirt I picked up at a motorcycle rally one year, on the back it says, "Shut up and ride, no one lives forever." To me it applies to everything I do, not just riding motorcycles.

If you're in a relationship with someone and they say "let's slow things down", something is not right, whether they admit it or not, or even if they know it or not.

Slowing it down... I mean Hell. What's that gonna give you? Really. Take a step back and look at the situation. Has slowing things down every saved a relationship that was going great anyway?


In terms of over reacting... I'll have to say yes. People are people and they make their own decisions. There's not much we can do about that.



- Response by curadvent, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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that is code for i've found some one that plays me like a violin.

- Response by movi, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Administrative

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Yes - Give him space he obviously is taking your relationship VERY VERY Seriously.

Better he get things sorted out know than just leads with his heart and regrets things later.

IN the mean time, take this time yourself to reassess your self and your feelings and your view of him more seriously.

- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

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