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Stay or go?
Dating / 4:04 AM - Wednesday June 18, 2008

Stay or go?

He says he doesn't want to marry, because that makes life boring. He's 42, I'm 32, we've been together 2 years.

That means he doesn't want to marry ME, but he would another girl if she were better suited, right?

That means he won't change his mind if I give him some time, right?


I don't think marriage is the must have thing, but the fact that he doesn't want that tells me he's not that crazy about me, because otherwise he'd be running after me to marry, am I right?

That means if I want a family I have to look elsewhere, even though we love each other, right?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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Agree.
What he said about marriage is proof that he's not the long term partner you're looking for.
If you want a family, start looking elsewhere. Before I used to believe that love conquers all. Now, I'm a firm believer that it doesn't. It's a good starting point/basis but in the long term, you need commitment, respect and much more.
Good luck.

- Response by marycherry, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Fitness

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I know more than one guy who aren't convinced with the idea of marriage itself, and if there was one girl who could be smart enough to convince them, MAYBE then they woul;d give in, but the whole marriage thing is not their cup of tea at all.And they are happily single yet can fall in love and still with hold it.

- Response by shahista, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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This guy is not committed to you. Plain and simple.

In his mind, he's getting sex for free (or with few requirements from you) and you're still with him though he's made it clear that he won't marry you. In other words, he knows he's got the upper hand in this relationship along with all of the power and control.

If you're definite about wanting to find a mate for marriage and a family, then this guy is not for you. It really doesn't matter that you get along really well, that you love him, etc, etc. The point is that he's not interested in exploring your relationship any further than he already has.

The problem is that you probably didn't make it clear in the very beginning about what you want and expect from a relationship: MARRIAGE.

This issue is not about suitability, but about losing individuality, control and freedom. If you're living together and he doesn't want to get married, then this is particularly true. I don't want to be crass, but there is a famous saying among men that perfectly points out the problem: Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?

Marriage and children are a major component for compatibility in a relationship. You need to discover these IMPORTANT topics right from the start when you're dating. If you don't, you get into the position is which you find yourself now: In love with a guy who doesn't want the same things out of life that you do. Bad position to be in!

My advice is to dump this guy IMMEDIATELY. And make it clear as to WHY you're leaving him. You're not leaving because you don't love him. You're leaving because your two versions of the future and what you both want out of life are currently incompatible.

Something further for you to think about...

I've met the love of my life...and I knew it after the first three dates. We touched on all the big issues in those first three dates and then spent the rest of our following dates getting deeper into those topics, along with having fun activities that we both enjoy. The result is that three or four months into our relationship we both came to the open conclusion that marriage is the right thing for us and that we are absolutely perfect for each other. But we talked about the important things VERY early on. In fact, I wouldn't never ask a girl out for a second date if she wasn't interested in EVENTUALLY being in a relationship that would result in marriage! And it didn't matter how attractive or nice she was. I know what I wanted out of a relationship and from another person...and I found out about it all within the first three dates.

I'm sorry to have to give you the advice I have, but you really don't want to be with a guy who doesn't want to spent a lifetime with you.

I wish you every success, and hope that I've helped you about a little bit.

- Response by travelerdude, An Intellectual Guy, Male, Los Angeles

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yeah, that sounds like a typical advice you'd see in those dating books...

- Response by laylayla, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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Right. : ) Aww..I am sorry. : (

- Response by allyirls, A Trendsetter, Female, 22-25, New York, Fashion

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Everything that you said, makes perfect sense to me.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Consulting

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You read the book Is MY GUESS... sounds like JEOPARDY,
you post your answers... in the form of a question?

I'll take "Death and Taxes" for a thousand, Alex...

- Response by geester, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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*GO* babe

- Response by azianchemistry, A Player, Female, 46-55, San Jose, Who Cares?

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4 rights...you know what you have to do dont you?

- Response by hotair, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, New Orleans, Transportation

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yes he doesn't sound like the reliable type

- Response by pepperman46, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55

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You know you're right. Don't settle, you'll find someone who wants the same things you do.

- Response by underthestars, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, San Jose, Medical / Dental

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Move on Sweety! He isnt the right one for YOU.

- Response by pamster, A Hippie Chick, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Home Maker

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