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What do you think?
What do you think? / Family & Parenting / 5:40 PM - Monday May 12, 2008
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A Career Woman (Female, San Jose, 26-28, Who Cares?) asked:


Is it wrong for me to be upset it my B/F of a year and a half called his kids mother and wished her a "Happy Mother's Day"? I understand that she gave birth to his children but i feel like he doesn't need to do all that? Advice Please?


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A Career Woman (Female, Charlotte, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: thottienc


You should be happy if anything. It shows he has Character Respect and still wishes the Mother of his children well. If you and he were to ever Wed and have kids, you can expect the same respect for the rest of your lives. What harm did it do really?

I still get my Daughters Father a Fathers Day gift, though he's been Married for over a decade. He still does the same with me on Mothers Day. I wish her Step-Mother (his wife) a Happy Mothers Day too because they have kids together. See, we don't get petty. We have a friendship because we have a Daughter and two Parents that get along and care and respect each other is what she needs.

I went with my s/o to his Ex-Wifes house to drop off a small gift and tell her Happy Mothers Day. His Kids are grown. No big deal...In fact it is a Requirement that if the man I date has children, that he get along with and can communicate with the Mother without arguing. I don't have time for drama.

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: pepperman46


Nothing wrong with that. I do that to my Ex and we don't really get along.

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A Thinker (Female, 36-45, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: springishere


Well, in his defense ..I can say that was an honorable thing to do..She is and will always be the mother of his children..It would take a big person to understand and accept this...???

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: MaryAnne


If they have a civil relationship for the sake of the kids, I see nothing wrong with him calling and wishing her a Happy Mothers Day.

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55, Retired) answered:

Screenname: ivoryfresh


Grow up. He didn't ask her to bed, he just wished her Happy Mother's Day. And it's better for his kids that their parents are civil to one another.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, Houston, 22-25, Technical) answered:

Screenname: mritguy


If you don't trust him then dump him...

Otherwise get off his back.

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A Thinker (Female, 22-25) answered:

Screenname: nicole88


I don't think it's cause for upset because it's a little skewed anyway-she is not his Mother, she is the mother of his children, yes, but usually children pass this traditional greeting onto their own Mother. Ex-partners don't ring up to pass on the sentiment to their ex's, he should save that for his own Mother.

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, Phoenix, 46-55, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: rbinaz


It depends on the relationship. To be honest I wish that I had a good enough relationship with my ex to be able to wish her a Happy Mother's Day.

He's with you - don't get jealous of the ex - she is the ex for a reason.

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A Thinker (Female, New York, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:


Uhhh....don't be upset. It was the right thing for him to do. It shows he is caring and he sort of has to call because she is the mother of his kids. So long as the conversation was short & sweet you have nothing to worry about. Isn't it better that he simply called instead of taking her and the children out to dinner ???? Think about that one and smile.

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A Career Woman (Female, 46-55, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: baddgirl


I think it is appropriate for him to make that call. It is a gesture of respect - she brought HIS children into this world. It is something they will always share, so just be glad he is not being a jerk towards her!

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A Thinker (Female, Tampa, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: amberlily3


I think it's a nice gesture. It's great that he and the mother of his children can get along. I think you are seriously over-reacting and it sounds like you're just being insecure. They will always be in contact with eachother because they have a child together so it would probably be best to learn how to overcome this insecurity and learn to trust him.

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A Thinker (Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: barbb


My ex husband, who is remarried for 8 years, calls me every year for my birthday, Mother's Day and every other holiday to wish me a great one. I see nothing wrong with it. We are still very good friends. I call his wife and wish her happybirthday.

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A Rebel (Male, San Jose, 22-25, Internet / New Media) answered:

Screenname: chavis


your trippin

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A Sportif (Female, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:


Of course he needs to call her and wish her a happy mother's day! IT is a way of saying thank you for raising my kids. Yes it is wrong for you to be upset. You should be happy that your boyfriend shows respect for the woman he has hildren with because if he didn't it may speak volumes to how he would treat you. Heck, I personally think she should have gotten a gift, but that's me. We as Mother's take on the responsitibily of raising our children (most of the time) and let me tell you, outside of mother's day, it is a very thankless job, although very rewarding. It is nice to see men notice those contributions that we make and teh sacrifices we make every single day of the year for our children. I am sorry, but I find your post to be somewhat selfish.

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, Boston, 29-35, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: newnumbersguy32


yes I think its wrong. She is his kid's mother and you should support any good interactions they have for the sake of him and his kids. The better they get along the better for everyone. If you are at odds with her because of who she is that only causes a strain for no good reason.

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A Creative (Female, Dallas, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer) answered:

Screenname: curvysmartgirl


It's not WRONG for you to be upset, but it might be wrong for you to act on it. Your feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are, but the actions you take can be right or wrong.

if you feel upset because he is wishing her a happy mother's day, ask yourself why. Is it because he flirts with her for hours? Or, does he chat with her pleasantly for a few minutes, ask about the kids, and then hang up?

if that's all he's doing, then he's being a good father. While it may upset you that he had a life before he met you, you chose a man with this background, and you can't blame him for it or get mad at him for wanting to be a good dad. You need to deal with your feelings without involving him. Don't create a scene, don't fuss at him, just deal with your feelings in another way.

if you can figure out why this makes you upset and figure out how to resolve this issue for yourself, great. if you need to go cry on a friend's shoulder and get some sympathy, that's ok. or you might want to go to the gym and do a hard workout if that will help you handle it.

But don't try to stop him from doing something this harmless and healthy for his kids.

Now, it's totally different if you have some reason to think he's trying to get back with his ex. Then you can confront him about it. But if all he is doing is the normal friendly stuff that keeps him involved with his kids, then keep your mouth shut and deal with your feelings in a constructive way.

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A Thinker (Female, 26-28) answered:

Screenname: anjeweleyez01


He's just appreciating the mother of his children

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A Married Girl (Female, 36-45, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: afriend22


What is with the selfish women on AO today? Like it or not she is the mother of his children and always will be. All he did was acknowledge the mothering of his children with a phone call. Very gracious if you ask me. Lucky are the children whose divorced parents respect each other.

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A Thinker (Female, San Diego, 29-35, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: silver75


Perfectly OK for him to call. He is probably just trying to be polite. Now if he went over there for dinner on Mother's Day (without inviting you) I wouldn't be too happy if I were you though...

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A Thinker (Female, 22-25, Student) answered:

Screenname: crazyinlove923


Nothing will ever change the fact that she is the mother of his child. I think it's appropriate and respectful of him to call and wish her a "happy mother's day", especially if they're on good terms. I also think it shows the child(or one day will if he/she is not old enough to know) that his/her father respects her/his mother enough to thank her for being the mother of his child. Just because he's calling her to do this one small thing does not mean he loves you any less or wants to get back with her. He's just wishing the mother of his child a "happy mother's day".

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A Thinker (Female, 29-35) answered:

Screenname: milla


I think you're over reacting. It is good for his children if he has a civil relationship with their mother.

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, Melbourne, 18-21, Student) answered:

Screenname: missyfunk333


I can understand u would feel upset. but you have to think what is mothers day all about? its about thanking them for looking after you, appreciating them and making them feel nice.
Maybe think of it this way, hes saying have a happy mothers day, as a way of saying thankyou for looking our child. im sure he knows how hard a job it is, because he probably does it too, so its a nice gesture to apreciate the woman who gave birth to his child and has helped him to look after his child.

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A Cool Mom (Female, St.Louis, 29-35, Retail) answered:

Screenname: elizabethmom05


I would'nt be upset about it. She is his kids Mother. It shows he has respect, and that say's a lot.

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A Married Girl (Female, Chicago, 22-25, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: carma45


my sons dad called me and hes remarried. Unless your insecure like HIS WIFE I see no problem.

Yes its wrong. HES WITH YOU not HER

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A Sportif (Female, Vancouver, 36-45, Medical / Dental) answered:

Screenname: vwgirl


Yes, it is wrong of you to be upset by this. She is the mother of his children. You knew this when you met him. Sounds like you have jealousy issues. If you can't get over this, then you need to find a man who doesn't have any baby momma's in his life.

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A Father Figure (Male, 46-55, Transportation) answered:

Screenname: rockee


he is sucking up for a RE-TAP

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A Creative (Female, 36-45, Who Cares?) answered:


Your feelings are never right or wrong.

It's like saying "is it wrong for me to think?"

So long as you have a brain, you think.

So also, so long as you have a heart, you feel.

My advice to you would be to think twice about this guy ...For heaven's sake, she's not HIS mother and there's no valid reason for him to be calling her up, especially if you don't like it.



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A Mr. Married Guy (Male, Miami, 36-45, Political / Government) answered:

Screenname: greekattorney


Stop being an insecure bitch.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, St.Louis, 29-35, Managerial) answered:

Screenname: woodly


It isn't wrong per say. Women (and men alike) can be very jealous. If he is on good terms with his kids mother, consider yourself lucky. My ex and I are not on good terms and it really makes dealing with anything difficult. If he calls to wish her a happy mothers day, consider it a neccessary evil to keep the peace. Believe me, you don't want to have to deal with a vindictive ex. It puts a strain on my current wife and I when we have no other problems.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, 36-45, Teaching) answered:

Screenname: amegioa


Why would it be wrong to be nice and/or civil to someone? Sounds like he's a nice guy. You may not "feel he doesn't need to do all that", but "Your" feelings are not "His" feelings. Allow him to be "him" and hey, if anything, be glad you're with someone that nice. Besides, if she does a good job being a mother to his children, she deserves his appreciation for taking good care of them.

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A Married Girl (Female, Dallas, 36-45, Home Maker) answered:

Screenname: olgalomas


Oh my God ....I know I'm being mena but come on..you're 26-28 and you can't see that gesture as something good. It shows that even if they are not together he appriecates that she gave him his kids. Or has he ever in the 1 1/2 years cheated on you with her??? You should be relieved like that you don't have all the baby mama drama.

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A Thinker (Female, 66 or older, Retired) answered:

Screenname: shrinkess


It is something you should discuss with your husband. Tell him how you feel and see if you can talk through your insecurities. The reason they are there is either because of something in you (lack of self esteem?) or something in the ,marriage itself that makes you feel insecure. If that doesn't work, you might consider counseling. The green monster wreaks havoc!

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A Thinker (Female, 66 or older, Retired) answered:

Screenname: shrinkess


PS I meant relationship, not marriage. Sorry.

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A Rebel (Male, Los Angeles, 46-55, Consulting) answered:

Screenname: kravjar666


It's a very nice gesture. He was totally right in doing it. He'll have the relationship in his life as long as he or his kids live. Being polite is always a benefit.

Advice: accept the relationship and pray for all concerned. Support him in his relationships with his children.

Good luck and God bless

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, 36-45) answered:

Screenname: headscratching


i don't know, are the kids too young to do that? or could be that he knows there is no one else that's going to give a rip and wish her happy moms day. he may of thought he was doing right by his kids and nothing more than that.

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A Guy Critical (Female, 46-55, Celebrity) answered:

Screenname: pandorasfault


This would tell me that he has a relatively cordial relationship with his ex (always a better sign than if he's full of enmity and hates her guts) and appreciates the fact that she's doing to work of being a mother to his kid. My BF not only saw to it that his son had a present for his mom, he gave her a card, himself. I do not feel in the least bit threatened by this. Why would you find it threatening?

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A Thinker (Female, Baltimore, 46-55, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: jpm51


I say its more 'selfish of you to be upset' than wrong. He has a right to do that.

Hopefully you don't get upset when he has to see her when he is going to see his kids.

Put yourself in her place, would you tell your ex - don't call me to wish me anything because you have another woman in your life now.........how would you feel.



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A Life of the Party (Female, New York, 26-28, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: chainlesslife


There was something that he saw in this woman, I mean he did have children with her. Why are you trying to take that away from him. They have to have a relationship because of the kids so why not wish her a Happy Mother's Day. Would you feel the same way if you father was with someone else yet he called your mother to wish her a happy mother's day?

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A Creative (Female, 46-55, Managerial) answered:

Screenname: olson


I can understand that you got nervous, but don't let it get you too upset. If my ex called me to wish me Happy Mother's Day, I would melt at the affirmation that the man I had 2 children with appreciated that I was the mother of our children. (It's sure not easy being a divorced mother.) But that would not make me want to get back together with him!!!!!!!
I'd say you are lucky to be with such a considerate, respectful man. Please don't make him feel bad for being nice. In the long run, it will be better for you if they ARE friends.

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: ldykarla


GROW UP

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A Career Woman (Female, 36-45, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: chattinchick



He doesn't NEED to do it, but it's nice that he did.

She will always be the mother of his children and I think it's nice that he can wish her a happy day.

So yes, I do think it was wrong of you to be upset.

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, 18-21, Retail) answered:


No, it shows he's a good, caring person and a great dad. My dad still calls my mom to wish her a happy mothers day after 14 years of divorce. And it was a nasty divorce at that.

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A Trendsetter (Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?) answered:


Personally I think him going out of his way to make that call is a little strange. Now if he needed to call her about something else relating to the kids and ended the call by wishing a happy mother's day, or if he bumped into her at the store and did the same, I could see that. But to actually call her for that express purpose? Inappropriate. She is not his mother, she's the mother of his children. He needs to save those sentiments for his own mother. Otherwise, I think that's just a little too friendly toward someone he was once intimate with but for whatever reason is now an ex. I don't wish my ex husband a happy father's day. Our son is 10 and I take him out shopping for a gift and card for him, but that gift is from my son, NOT from me. I'm remarried and have a 2 yr old daughter with my second husband. He wishes me a Happy Mother's Day and I wish him Happy Father's Day...because we have a child together, we're married and we LOVE each other we care enough to do that. Other men I know--coworkers, neighbors, casual aquaintances--I will only wish a happy father's day if the opportunity presents itself, but it would be pretty damn wierd and inappropriate of me to call up the man next door for no other reason than to say Happy Father's Day now wouldn't it? So yeah, I think it was a strange thing for your b/f to be doing and if I were you I'd rethink the whole relationship. What will be next...I just called to say I love you?

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, New York, 36-45, Managerial) answered:

Screenname: tnix123


Just because he is your boyfriend doesn't mean she has stopped being a mother to their kids. Also just because he called her doesn't mean he likes you any less. Did you feel the same way last year? Hopefully for the kids sake she is a good mother and he is a good father and that is something everyone should be greatful of.

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A Career Woman (Female, 29-35, Fitness) answered:


There's nothing to be upset about! She's still the mother of HIS kids! You're only in his life for a year and a half and you're getting upset about this?
Then you should date someone who doesn't have a history.

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, Sacramento, 46-55, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: rhunt0210


"I understand that she gave birth to his children" For that reason only, should your boyfriend call his children's mother on Mother's Day. It's important for the children to see their father honoring their mother on this day. It has nothing to do with him wanting to get back with her. That ship has sailed ever since you got together. But if you want to destroy your relationship of over a year and a half, then make this a point of contention with him. NEVER get in between a man and his children. You will lose. And if you don't lose, then you'd be better off without a dead beat guy.

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