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How do I get my mother to talk ...
untitled / Family & Parenting / 10:04 PM - Sunday May 11, 2008
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A Thinker (Female, 26-28) asked:


How do I get my mother to talk to me?
I was adopted when I was 4 and when I was 18 I found out who my real mother was. She doesn't want any thing to do with me and I feel bad because today is mother's day. I really want her to be in my life. She has grandchildren and a son-in-law she's never met. I've met my brothers and sisters (that she kept) and that hurts me the most because my brother is only 3 years younger than me. I want her to be my mother and be happy. She act like I'm a problem. My husband tells me to leave her alone because she's gonna need me one day but I can't. What should I do?


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A Creative (Male, 46-55, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: winterhaven


hunny is right.....mom is the one that raised you...not the woman that necessarily bore you....celebrate with her, if possible.

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A Creative (Female, 22-25, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: mysticqt


As hard as this may sound, but your real mother is the one that adopted you and raised you to be the person you are today, NOT the one that conceived you.

I know it must hurt how she kept your brother but she didn't keep you. I believe the reason she does not want to talk to you is because she is feeling immense amount of guilt that she cannot bare to look at you. Its nothing against you.

Just focus on your blessings, and those what love and appreciate you in life. Don't waist precious time on those that shouldn't matter.

ps. Keep in mind how this might make your adopted mother feel.

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A Hippie Chick (Female, 26-28, Celebrity) answered:

Screenname: schell


First thign you have to do is realize that its not you fault. Im sorry to say, but your husband is right. Id go and contact you other family members. They might not even know about you.

Good luck

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A Rebel (Male, Los Angeles, 26-28, Managerial) answered:

Screenname: j3s5e


listen to your man.

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, Charlotte, Who Cares?, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: smartblond


I know this is hard but a womb does not make you a mom and she may need you she may not.. you are part of her past.. she does not want to be your mother.. thats harsh I know but you need to leave her alone.. your husband is right.. your mom is the woman who raised you.. the woman who gave you a home, and education and a life in her world.. this woman simply gave birth.. that is not enough to qualify you as a parent.. you have to be realistic and respect she gave you up for whatever reason and now you need to move on. and yes you CAN leave her alone.. she has asked you too and you need to respect that you cant make her be anyone then who she is

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A Life of the Party (Female, Cleveland, 26-28, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: carriesueud


You can't make her want you in her life, sorry to say. It's sad, no doubt. But there is nothing that you can to to change her mind.

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A Hippie Chick (Female, 46-55, Hospitality) answered:

Screenname: buffalothighs88


You do as SHE wishea and leave her alone. No offense, but she gave you up for a REASON, and clearly that reason hasn't changed.

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A Thinker (Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: isthistrue


I agree with your husband. You can not force a relationship on anyone. I know this must be very difficult for you. Is our adoptive mother still living? If so I would focus all my attentiion on herfor Mother's day or any other special holiday.

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