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Sigh.
Sigh. / Dating / 9:50 PM - Sunday May 11, 2008
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(Female, 22-25) asked:


I am pathetic. Someone just broke up with me and I immediately called my ex (the guy I dated before the recent one) who I still have feelings for.

What is wrong with me? How do people learn to be happy without needing other people in their lives?


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A Sweet Sarah (Female, Seattle, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: mamom04


How do people learn to be happy without needing other people in their lives?

By spending time alone. Getting to know themselves, and how to make themselves happy.

By "alone" I don't mean without love and human contact. We all need that! ...but for a time, you can let those someones be family and close friends...

If you can get yourself "out" of needing a "man" in your life, for a time...oh, give it a year if you can! , and can still find yourself happy....well then, you've got it!

btw...I'm NOT against relationships. I LOVE them! I just want them healthy and giving in both directions. ;)

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A Married Girl (Female, 36-45, Teaching) answered:

Screenname: tweets4u2


You must first be happy with who and what you are. You will never be able to make anyone else happy until you are happy with yourself.

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A Thinker (Female, Los Angeles, 26-28, Therapist) answered:

Screenname: ladydimples


You are not pathetic. You're just emotionally bruised right now and you're trying to reach out to someone. In our desperate times, we tend to do this kinds of stuff to make us feel better. But if it's making you feel worse, I say maybe you can do other things -- focus on yourselves, or maybe call your female friends or platonic male friends.

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A Thinker (Female, 26-28) answered:


still on that road myself.
It takes time, but finding yourself, and learning to go on and survive alone, is the best gift you can give yourself.

Love will come by itself, its not forced, and it sure dosent lay in the past, not for me it dosent. :)

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A Trendsetter (Female, Houston, 18-21, Law Enforcement) answered:

Screenname: adickted2pink


i had to remind myself everyday how shitty my bfs have all treated me to not retreat back to them.

otherwise i think its a learned thing! something you have to work on every day reminding yourself how you only need YOU to live! and also surrounding myself with amazing friends that help me remember that i dont need an attachment.

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A Trendsetter (Female, San Francisco, 36-45, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: msheartbeat


When you tell yourself you are happy then you will be happy. You tell yourself that you need other people in your life, and so you act on that statement.

It's all in the messages you give yourself. If you give yourself messages of power, strength, self-control and independence, you will behave accordingly. If you give yourself messages of neediness, weakness, dependency and desperate attachment, so you shall be.

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A Thinker (Female, Las Vegas, 22-25, Military) answered:

Screenname: aplus10


Maybe you don't like to alone or you don't feel complete without a signifcant other. What ever the case may be you need to learn how to be single. Try new activites, hang out with your friends and family more, or join a club. Do something to keep yourself busy.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, New York, 46-55, Science / Engineering) answered:

Screenname: mauddeep


..Guess when you grow up alone you learn to be alone..that's how..

..Stop feeling so sorry for yourself..

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: pepperman46


it is very hard to do.

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A Thinker (Female, 29-35, Executive) answered:


... do you have any idea how many guys do that?!?

The good new is: they have no idea the reason you contacted them was because you broke up with someone - they acually think you still carry a flame.

... and isn't that what it's all about?! - comparing, choosing, evaluating. If the ex looks good after this guy - why not???

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A Thinker (Female, 22-25, Military) answered:

Screenname: misssparkle


I dunno. But find some solace in the fact that you are aware that your pathetic, some folks go there whole lives and NEVER know it. You have to learn to love, respect, and like yourself. How can you ever expect for any guy to want you when you dont want yourself? And stop calling the ex THATS what makes you pathetic.

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