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How do I get my man to spend t ...
untitled / Married Life / 7:31 PM - Sunday May 11, 2008
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(Female, 26-28) asked:


How do I get my man to spend time with me without nagging or arguing with him all the time?


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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: pepperman46


Don't ask him go do things on your own and don't tell him. Then he will want to go because he'll feel left out.

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A Thinker (Female, 29-35) answered:

Screenname: rougemarie


Hi Anonymous:

Ask him. But let me tell you this: Beyond a reasonable amount of time apart, if you find yourself constantly having to compete for his attention, it may be that your needs, and his, are incompatible.

If he has a busy job, it might not be possible to speak every night on the phone or for him to see you every night of the week. This being said, spending time together should not be viewed as pulling teeth. Your relationship is valuable, and should not be put on the back burner. If it is, it will fizzle out.

So: Talk to him. Tell him you want to spend more time with him. Communicate your needs in a non-confrontational way. Take it from there.

Rougemarie.

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A Mr. Married Guy (Male, 56-65, Science / Engineering) answered:

Screenname: welloone


Be fun to be around.

The trouble with most women is that they think that they are our mothers. We don't want a mother. Women seem to be of the opinion that guys are clay. We would be perfect if only "fill in the blank here". We find women we like, they find men that they would like if the men would change a little.

So, you see guys going out with the boy's. Why is that? Because the guys accept each other as they are. If they don't like someone, they don't invite them. Guys get together and have fun together. And if you are not being invited it is because you are not fun.

You obviously want him to do something different, drink less beer, belch less, tell less rank stories, stay out less late, clean up more, fish in prettier places, hunt in flatter places, ride dirt bikes where there is less dirt, swear less, windsurf where it is warmer or smells better, drive slower, any number of things.

But if you were his partner in these things, maybe even his co-conspiritor, he would be more than happy to be with you. Trust me, you offer things the guys cannot. He would be more than happy to be with you, if it were fun.



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A Thinker (Female, Chicago, 46-55, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: cubbiegal


Stop nagging because it apparently isn't working. You can't make him want to do anything, he has to want to do it for himself. You need to decide whether it's a deal breaker or not and the stick by your decision.

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A Creative (Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: love2shop


It's hard to determine what would be good without a little bit more info about the both of you.( ex. hobbies, work, etc.) Is he spending more time with his friends?

But you could start with doing something together that you both enjoy or maybe starting a new hobby together that the both of you will equally enjoy. If not, try to do something he loves to do and then try to get him to do something you love to do. Talk to him about it. It can't hurt.

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A Thinker (Female, Newark, 46-55, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: kutie56


Start by sucking his earlobe....

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A Thinker (Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: barbb


My making it an interesting time...not just sitting and watching TV or doiong what interests just you.

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A Thinker (Female, 29-35, Executive) answered:


He naggs and argues ALL thie time?1 - I tought us women were supposed to do that.

I guess you have to come up with a date idea that requires less talking and is time restricted.

... perhaps something that requires you to express an optinion about the event instead of the relationship.

a day at the museum?
a drama performance?
an art exhibit?

... get his mind off the relationship and thinking about politics and religion - so you can figure out if yu actulay *think the same about important issues*


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A Hip-Hop Girl (Female, Kansas City, 18-21, Student) answered:

Screenname: vixenlegs22


Make him come to you

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A Guy Critical (Male, 56-65, Transportation) answered:

Screenname: nuttyprofessor


DO something with him, HE likes.

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A Creative (Male, 46-55, Civil Service) answered:

Screenname: 2wheels


Do the kinds of things that he likes to do with him. Perhaps, if he notices, he will then be willing to do the kinds of things that you like to do with you.

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A Creative (Female, New York, 22-25, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: augustbaby82


Girl, if you have to argue and nag him to spend time with you, is he even worth the fight?? He should wanna spend time with you, w/o you even having to ask.

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A Cool Mom (Female, 46-55, Teaching) answered:

Screenname: gettingstronger


1. Don't be so available.
2. Do interesting things with your girlfriends from time to time. (this makes you more interesting).
3. Be sure to give him his space without making him feel guilty.
4. Communicate your desire to do spend some time with him without be overly-emotional.

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, Seattle, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: mamom04


Invite him to do things with you that "he" likes doing! :)

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