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Active Questions

Why do I attract gay men?
Sex & Intimacy / 9:30 PM - Saturday May 03, 2008

Why do I attract gay men?

So I notoced a pattern of the men I attract. They are gay men who are not out of the closet yet and kid themselves into being straight.

I know what this says about their personality. Whay I NEED TO KNOW is why me? what does this say about me? I am a straight female. I LOVE jack on will and grace. I am very tolerant towards gay rights. I grew up as a Tom Boy but not I dress up and look all girly. I'm 23.

Please tell me what you think about me is attracting these insecure, hiding in the closet men? If you are one of those men, what is it about the female that attracts you and makes you think you'll get away with it?

Update: May 03, 2008.
Do you mind sharing your experience and helping me? I always heard about such stories and just COULDN'T understand why the hell they do it!!! Nothing against gays until it gets to this point! How do I know if the guy I am (kinda) involved with is gay or not? Did you date him before the wedding? if this is too personal, please don't answer it: while dating, did you not have any intimate moments? Can gay men still get an erection from women? What signs should I pay attention to? Should I try getting intimate and see his reaction? I asked him if he was gay few times and he said NO. Did you ever ask your ex before marriage?

Update: May 03, 2008.
This is my fear! Getting married to a gay man! Nowadays its hard to tell if a man is gay or not. Not all act like the stereotypes we have. What you said about going for the ultra feminine woman makes total sense if the guy is straight but insecure about his masculanity. They go for the weak woman (but I wouldn't say thats what Asian woman are like-at least the ones I know are very assertive and some even wear the pants in the relationship!). But about gay men in the closet, I don't get what it is about me thats making them feel comfortable to be with me! I am not ultra feminie..if any, I am proud and comfortable of expressing my masculine side. I know when to act like a lady and dress up and turn heads, but not afraid of yellin and spitting in public. Someone answered telling me I could be a lesbian or a "dyke". Thats not true either. Thanks for the reply! Very interesting insight.

- Asked by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Washington, DC, Science / Engineering

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Really? It's probably nothing other than bad luck and perhaps the way in which or the places where you meet potential boyfriends or dates.

- Response by jlees, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35

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What you don't realize is that there are a lot of men that are that way. Personally, I feel that every self-proclaimed "straight" man that likes anal sex with women and asks for it all the time is a closet gay man. That would make several hundred thousand if not millions more men fit into the category you describe.

I also think that a lot of guys are very insecure about their masculinity. In order to feel more manly they would choose to align themselves with a woman that they view as ULTRA feminine. See, that way when they stand next to her their male daintiness pales in comparison to her very womanly femininity. This is why a lot of insecure guys with poor social skills with the opposite sex as getting brides from overseas or choose Asian women.

I look at my daughter and her friends, and wonder what their choices are going to be when they get older and ready for marriage. So many men are gay or bisexual these days. Many women (I read on websites) know their men are and accept it because they don't want to be alone. :/

- Response by msheartbeat, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Self-Employed

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Gay guys are happy with men-hating feminists. Real men have no use for such females. From your description of yourself, perhaps you look and act like a dyke.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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I don't think there is any thing wrong with you, you just have a little extra that attracts them. I am a man and I have never had trouble attracting women but I have that little extra like you that attracts guys I don't know what it is but you and I attract both sexes I am sure that there are other people that have the same problem. But i could not tell you what it is to save my life.

- Response by johnny45, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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