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Active Questions

Do I Have Stupid Stamped On My Forehead?
Married Life / 11:30 AM - Monday April 28, 2008

Do I Have Stupid Stamped On My Forehead?

If you found out that your husband had been checking out the Casual Encounters section of craigslist, confronted him about it, and he claimed he "Just likes to read it because he finds it interesting" Would you believe him?

Update: April 28, 2008.
I appreciate all of the responses. Since many of you know me here I didn't include the full background to this - but my husband has an addiction to pornography. He has been in treatment programs and I have given him several opportunities over the last 12 years to get himself together. So no we do not have a normal healthy relationship seeing as his addiction seems to preclude him from being interested in sex with me. I also forgot to add there were about 50 pages of ads in the history.

- Asked by elysecia, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Sacramento, Internet / New Media

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Regarding your update. I stayed with my husband for 25 years thinking and hoping that he would or could change his ways which I won't go into, and with hindsight, I should have cut him loose after 10 years. I wanted to stay in a 'til death do we part' marriage, but sometimes, you just can't do it, you have to look out for yourself, even if it means being alone for awhile.

You said that you have been going through things with your husband for for over 10 years, so maybe its time for you to think about yourself since your husband does not seem to care about you and cut the cord and move on.

Don't waste half of your life away like I did.

- Response by jpm51, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Baltimore, Administrative

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Yeah. Cuz I do that too. And I have my man.

Honestly, I look in the single dating ads in the newspaper just to get a laugh. Who's that desperate enough to put an ad in the paper or on-line for love? I find it amusing.

- Response by augustbaby82, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, New York, Financial / Banking

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I wouldn't but that's me. Surely they could find something more interesting to read.

- Response by rexy67, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I would tell you he's serious or he's a fool

because with you as my wife the only casual encounter i'd have with you is when you tripped and fell on top of me in bed

- Response by thewickedestslam, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, New York, Administrative

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if it was a one-off id let it go

if it was a regular thing? hmm............... id try to find out what exactly was so interesting

i think you can normally tell when someones lying - so if it wasnt plausible id tell him to stop

i sometimes read the "encounters" page in the paper - because i used to find it hilarious ("male 41, into bikes".... and youre single? cant think why....)

so its not necessarily automatically bad


- Response by anonymouse32, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21

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I would try my best to. Mainly b/c I (very seldomly) browse the dating sites too. I'm hetero but I like to look at the profiles of both sexes. I find it interesting the things people will say to get someone to want to date them. Especially the desperate ones! It adds a little humour to my day. Now if my s/o had an active account, this would be a cause to worry.

- Response by theinlaw30, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45

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Depends on if their have been any unexplained absences but I know that the 20 something guys do find it interesting reading.

- Response by keldog4511, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Managerial

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I like Playboy for the articles too, but you can massage (no pun intended) that to be the truth based on a curiosity for the seedy side of life. Some people have this.

- Response by buffer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Los Angeles, Retired

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maybe the first time, but certainly not a second.

- Response by busyb704, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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i san those sections for jokes... great fun!

- Response by lld0ntlllhat3ell, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Celebrity

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I might. That alone wouldn't send-up radar warnings for me. Still, I'd do some snooping and keep an eye on him.
Btw, my teen daughter and I were once checking out the local personals just to see who's on there. We also checked the female-female and male-male sections just out of curiosity. (We're both completely straight.) Just sayin', he MIGHT have just been looking.

- Response by jenny12, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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I've read it for the same reason. Its like reading Springer or something.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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Nope. No way, no how.

- Response by king313, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Technical

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LOL! Yeah. I sometimes read those. Some of them are actually pretty entertaining. It's actually more interesting than going to Wal-mart. (Seriously)

But, perhaps there are other areas of your relationship on which you should focus. If your relationship is a healthy one in which you are enabled to be your best, and to love you best, then there is probably nothing to worry about.

Given you have to ask the question, then perhaps there is something missing?

Cheating, whether it be e-mailing someone or an all out afternoon in a motel, is merely a symptom of a greater problem. One that is often evidenced by something missing in the relationship. Something that perhaps we don't want to recognize or admit.

Rather than concentrate on where he's been in the Internet. Try to be honest with yourself on the status of your relationship. If you are honest with yourself, there is no need for suspicion.

- Response by curadvent, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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- Response by luckycowgirl, A Career Woman, Female, Who Cares?, Celebrity

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My husband was a cheater and he cheated throughout our marriage. I tried so hard to make it work but he just could not stop--not even when I was pregnant with his child. I eventually had to let him go. It was hard but it had to be done. The man is obviously a fool if he does not appreciate what he has at home in you and your two beautiful boys. He does not deserve you or them and he is blocking your blessing. Sometimes we have to close a door to open a window.

- Response by kcsmom, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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maybe, i read it to see if anyone is from my area

- Response by peshe78, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Well, this kind of behavior goes straight to his addiction. So, he can make excuses, but it's like and alcoholic who says, "Oh, I'm not drinking, it's only beer." Bullshit.

Sorry Hon, I wish and pray for better for you.

- Response by kravjar666, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Consulting

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I've read them just for being curious... no intention of contacting anyone.

- Response by An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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*Takes deep breath..*

*Releases it*


- Response by steve67, A Rebel, Male, Who Cares?

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