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Boyfriend still wont say I love you after 2 years
Dating / 9:55 AM - Thursday February 28, 2008

Boyfriend still wont say I love you after 2 years

have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. I have told him I love him many times but he will not reciprocate these words. We have had a conversation about this and he honestly told me that he feels like he went too fast in his last relationship and doesnt want to make that same mistake again. He's never been good at sharing his feelings through word but does so through actions. His actions say that he does love me (hes very attentive to my needs, I know all his family and friends and am very close to many of them, we practically live together at this point) but he still wont speak those 3 little words. I dont know why this is bothering me so much becasue deep down inside I know he loves me but just to hear those 3 little words to confirm it all would mean the world to me. What should I do? Should I keep on the same way I have been in hopes that one day he says it? Should this be such a big deal? He doesnt treat me bad and we've been through alot together... Please help!!

- Asked by radiochicka, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Managerial

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I don't know but if you all have been together for two years I don't understand why his past relationship's demise should even have an effect on why he can't say that he loves you....Perhaps either he doesn't love you or you should tell him how its effecting you by his not saying it.

- Response by misssparkle, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Atlanta, Administrative

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Don't push him, You got what you wanted to here out of him, and he is treating you good. Just let him take the time he needs. You push him, you might lose him all together! If you know he loves you, work with that and enjoy him. Best wishes.

- Response by loseing, A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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I hate to use mainstream phrases like "jump or get off the diving board", but I think that after a certain period of time if a person will not commit fully, then this should be a red flag for you. Either they never will fully commit to anyone due being "damaged goods", or they are waiting for something better to come along.

Two years is a turning point in my opinion. It is time to "jump or get off the diving board". Look, I am all about taking the appropriate amount of time to make sure of something... but TWO YEARS is kind of rediculous! If he can't even tell you he loves you after being with you for TWO YEARS, it might be TWENTY YEARS before he musters up the nerve to propose.

I think it is totally within your rights to tell him that if he can't share his love and feelings with you like a normal person, then you MUST begin doubting his commitment to you and your confidence in the future of your relationship. Put a fire under his ass. If he doesn't budge, I would seriously consider looking for a man who isn't so afraid of commitment.

- Response by runner, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Executive

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Yes it is very nice to hear those 3 words, but the most important thing is his actions. Anyone can say they love you but not mean it. Its always better to look at everything else. The important thing is that you know he loves you. And if it is really important for you to hear those words then maybe you should just tell him that you need to hear those words. Tell him that you know that he does love you but you just really need to hear those words. And if he really does love you then he wont have any problems telling you that he does. If he is attentive to your needs then he needs to understand that this is one of your needs and he needs to fulfill it.
I wish you the best of luck and I really hope that he will tell you those special 3 words. It sounds like other than that you have a really good relationship. Be thankful for that.

- Response by brighidsfire, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

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That is really a tough one. I will not tell you that hearing those 3 little words is not important, because it is. But on the other hand, you seem to be saying that minus the 3 little words, everything else is there to show he loves you. That's very powerful too, so where do you go from there? That's the one million dollar question, i guess. What comes to mind is something the late Ann Landers would ask people in your shoes, and that is, "Are you better off with or without him in your life." From there, choose your next steps carefully. One of the things about love is it is not selfish. At times, when love is great, we will do things that we would normally not do, just to please the one we love. Your boyfriend may not be saying I love you for 2 reasons: 1) at 2 years in the relationship, he may truly not feel that he loves you; or 2) he truly does love you, but is suffering shell shock from his past relationship. Neither option is really a good one, but it seems to me you need to get to the bottom of what the reason is. If it's reason #1, you have a serious decision to make. If it's reason #2, than he has to come to grips with how his handling of his past is affecting your relationship with him now. I guess you really need to know how important he views you and cares about the possibility of losing you in his life. Do not be afraid of what the answer might be. The truth will set you free. Pray about it and ask for guidance. God Bless.

- Response by puka1999, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Administrative

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