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Active Questions

Did I make the right decision to break-up?
Dating / 12:07 PM - Saturday January 05, 2008

Did I make the right decision to break-up?

My boyfriend of 18 months and I just agreed to break-up since we BOTH were unable to resolve our differences, etc. I was the one whom wanted and needed to END our relationship because he NEVER left (as he declared he would do the 1st day of our relationship) the woman whom he has lived with the past 14 years AND breed two children with AND pays ALL her bills including the food SHE eats (she pays NOTHING even though she works a full-time job). He claims he PAYS for EVERYTHING because "she babysits THEIR kids". He also claims she "sleeps on the couch EVERY night the past 18 months" yet the one time i've been inside THEIR home, I seen ALL her dirty clothes, shoes, purses, etc. lying all around HIS bed. In addition to that crap, he ALWAYS bitched when a guy or an ex-boyfriend called me, sent me a text, etc.
Am I wrong in that I would NOT accept his CONTINUED living with the mother of THEIR two children, 14 years now WHILE being involved with me? Am I wrong to believe that his continued living with, etc., is BIG TIME double standard bullshit? Am I wrong to believe that since he will NOT separate from her and live with ME, he needs to work on AND be exclusive with the women he lives with? Am I wrong to believe he is having his cake AND eating it too? Did I make the right decision to break-up with him?

- Asked by 2good4sar, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 46-55, Kansas City, Who Cares?

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I don't know that he's gettin any cake, but he is definitely doing you both.

When you kick him to the curb, be sure to put that foot in his nutz... that might just slow him down a bit.

- Response by leewiser, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, St.Louis

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You call the fact that you were his mistress a 'difference'? Okay... call me silly, but I would not call that a 'difference'... I would call it what it was - an affair. Did she know about you? Doubtful.

Look, while I disagree with his cheating on HER... I support his decision to stay and support his wife and children. I think more men need to do that.

And.. you deserve more. You deserve to have a real man to yourself.

You are right to finally start seeing what was reality. She is not just a woman with whom he 'bred two children'.. she's the mother of his children, and a wife (if not legally) of 14 years.

It's sad you were in her house... and it was not HIS bed, hon, it was THEIR bed.

If you think he wasn't having sex with her and lying to her for all that time, you need to wake up.

Do you want a man who is that duplicitous?

If he loved you, or even if just didn't love her, he would have done the honorable thing and moved out a long, long time ago. He must have feelings and some sense of duty to at least stay and support his family.... but he's still a jerk.

- Response by northernchick, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

The thing I'm most concerned about is that you let the situation go for this long and you are obviously really angry. I think it's a no-brainer to get out. What I don't understand is why you put up with this for so long. That, to me, is the real question.

- Response by mrmusic, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 56-65, Los Angeles, Artist / Musician / Writer

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The only place where you went wrong was to believe in anything he said on day one! So yes I think you made the right decision, just 18 months too late.

- Response by prissypants, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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sounds like you did the right thing. if in 18 months, he made no attempt to move out... and they are sharing a bedroom... sounds like you were the 'other woman'.

- Response by cheerdemon, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Fitness

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No you did not do wrong and yes your decision is the right one!!!

Sometimes when you have an affair you are only helping them get through a bad marriage. This might be true in your case. life is too short not to have your own real deal. Good Luck!

- Response by nowornever, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Financial / Banking

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I don't understand why you got involved with him in the first place if this has been the situation all along. Sounds like you have been played my dear and you have been the other woman and the wife has known about it. I would get out of this as quickly as possible and find someone new. This guy is a total creep for stringing you along. Good riddance!!

- Response by dolphingirl44, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Tampa, Veterinary

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your sense of reality is a little off, even how you explained this.. was like YOU are the wife...

hun, he IS MARRIED. everything he had - became "theirs" 14 yrs ago when they BOTH said, "I DO". & if not [legally].. its been 14 YEARS, the state would consider them married! so thats not HIS bed.. it`s theirs.

thats really sad you were in their house too. & that you kidded yourself for 18 months or let HIM fool you. this situation is what it is - an affair. how someone couldnt see that, idk?

if he was a real stand-up guy, really loved you or no longer wanted to be married to his wife -- he would have left and/or gotten out of that marriage a long time ago. "he breed two children with her"... no they HAVE TWO CHILDREN TOGETHER. it takes TWO & i think ALOT of men need to do what he's doing... as far as supporting his children.

at least you figured it out sooner than later that its time to come to an end, now. yes.. you DO deserve better. & so does the woman that he's been married to this whole time while he's had a secret life for 18 months with you. i BET you were his ONLY affair within those 14 Years either... thats sad.

- Response by mrshopkins, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

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This is one of those (many) times that you need to go with your gut. Your gut told you that something is fishy there. More than likely, your gut is correct.

I've been in a similar situation and I've heard the story before. If he is living in the same place with her, he's sleeping with her. TRUST ME HERE. It doesn't matter what he's telling you - so long as he lives in the same place with her, they're doing the nasty. Probably right after he gets home from you, or maybe right before he comes to visit. Not pleasant to think about, but pretty damned accurate.

Stay far, far away from that. Find a guy who respects you enough to finish with another relationship before starting one with you.

- Response by smtmsalwys, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Indianapolis, Home Maker

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my question to you is WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ANYWAY? You are old enough to see BS when its starring you in the face. This man is living with this woman and paying bills etc whateva..because they are still involved. You are his escapism when he needs to get away from her "A". when he wants some different "P" that's where you come in. You might do things that she dont and being that they have children they cant really get it in the way they want to because the children may walk in. She not sleeping on the GD couch. They sleeping in the bed together and "F" too. The only thing that you are wrong for is DEALING WITH A MAN WHO YOU KNOW IS INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE and BEING COMPLETELY STUPID IN THIS SITUATION. Just being honest. This is crazy. Yes he's having his cake and eating it every way possible too. You are helping him live the best life. He got a woman at home with kids and he got another woman cross town that he can go and hook up with run game on whenever he chooses...oh yes he's living the life. "H" YES YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION LEAVING THIS SORRY "A" EXCUSE FOR A MAN..YES MA'AM YOU DID. Why would you want to deal with someone as low as this anyway. He's shown you right in your face how he gets down. He dont mind having a woman and going out here and "f" around with another. Come on yo...this is crazy.. THAT'S THE BEST DECISION YOU MADE....CUTTING HIM OFF...
and do not call him anymore and dont answer he's calls let him do what he do and find him some other woman that will deal with that mess. You are creating your own problems in this situation cause what if one day he leaves out and the girl follows him to your house then one day approaches you outside your house then what? Anything could happen. Who wants that drama?

- Response by lynnice27, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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