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My husband's ex-wife
Married Life / 8:38 PM - Tuesday December 18, 2007

My husband's ex-wife

My husband's ex-wife moved back to our home town 3 years ago. She has their oldest son that lives here too. When we have a family gathering at my husband's parents his Mom invites the grand-son and here he comes with his mother in tow. He brings her to all our family dinners, Christmas and New Year's, he even brought her to our family reunion. How would any of you handle this situation? She has even ask if I would care if my husband took her fishing when he goes. I said sure knowing he would not take her. Should I just keep quiet about this and let her continue coming or should I put a halt on it. She is certainly not a threat too my marriage.

Update: December 19, 2007.
He is 45 years old and thinks he can drag his mother too all the family events...

- Asked by bamagirl64, A Cool Mom, Female, 66 or older, Retail

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I think you are being very kind about the situation, but if it was me I would find it very uncomfortable one. I would talk to my husband and express this discomfort. Perhaps you and your husband should have a chat with his eldest son. Best policy is to be honest and direct. There have to be some other factors involved- I mean if I was the ex, I would feel uncomfortable doing what she is doing. Out of respect for you- I would never do that. She might not be any threat, but her being at the family functions doesnt put a smile on your face either. How does your husbands family feel about it? I say time for the ex to move on.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 56-65, Philadelphia, Retail

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I agree. Not a threat, but certainly uncomfortable. I'm not sure the reason the son has to invite his mom everywhere, but sometimes people are pretty clueless when it comes to etiquette and boundaries. Your stepson also could be doing it so his mom doesn't feel left out or simply to see what happens. Of course, that the mother goes as well tells us all something about her, doesn't it?

I've had to go to my eldest stepdaughter's birthday party when she wanted the entire family there. Uncomfortable, but understandable. I can't imagine what it would be like if my husband's ex started showing up at our holiday party because one of the kids invited her. Yikes!

You certainly don't have to put up with this. Imagine 20 years down the road still having her show up at all the gatherings. What I think we'd do in the situation is talk to the child. See if we could find out his motives for doing so. If he's doing it because he's clueless, then I'd explain that this is a boundary issue and it is not acceptable to invite his mother to his father's family gatherings. I would explain that it makes everyone uncomfortable, including Grandma and Grandpa, and I imagine it would. If he's doing it because he thinks it's funny or for kicks and giggles, then you can address that---maybe mention that it's childish and immature or something. I guess it all depends on why he's doing it. Good luck!

- Response by 1wonderfullife, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Is the son under 18 y/o or older then 18 y/o. I have been there and done this ...

- Response by karmak, A Life of the Party, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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I've been married 45 years and while I wouldn't make a fuss at her showing up uninvited I would speak my mind on the question of her asking about your husband taking her anywhere--she had her chance and blew it. I would let her know that husbands do not take other women--other than their mother or mother in-law anywhere without you--good luck

- Response by retired4now, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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Apparently you do view her as a threat or you wouldnt be asking How old is the son? And if neither you nor your husband see her as a threat then dont worry about it and the whole fishing thing She is probably doing to try and get at you Just ignore her.

- Response by An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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