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How much can one heart break?
Married Life / 5:23 PM - Wednesday November 21, 2007

How much can one heart break?

How much can one heart break?

In March 2006, I found my wife was having an affair, broke my heart, after 15 years of marriage.

Then we both went for help,, but could not get over the lies she told, so opted for a divorce, been working on it since April 2007. Between money and feelings it is hard to go forward.

My one day, ex-wife has stated all along she did not want the kids, and now she does (oh and 25% of my net pay to live on), according to the attorneys, even though her past has shown she did not want the kids, she can change her mind and it will be accepted in court.

So, the fight lingers on, the kids are feeling the pain, our friends and family members are feeling it too.

She is out to rip out my heart and take my money as she does.

How do people move on? How do you live each day or should I ask why? It hurts so much and at times doesn't feel it could get worse, but it does.

What do people do that have been down the divorce path think & any advice?

- Asked by boarderpatrol, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, New York, Civil Service

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This is hard but to survive you have to forgive eventually. I am so sorry for the hurt. Go to the gym and get fit. Eat well, nurture your body..pray as much as you can.

- Response by butternutbisque, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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One thing to remember here is the children come first. Do what it takes to give them a loving and caring home.

To do this you'll have to put your broken heart aside and stay focused on the kids.

Since she didn't want them in the beginning, is she a fit mother? Take this into consideration. My experiences with situations like your is that she's looking for more money and she figures she can leverage child support to get it.

Get a good attorney. The money you spend on expertise can save you a lot of money down the road.

But no matter what. Stay focused on the children.



- Response by curadvent, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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This is a time in your life that shall pass. hang in there..
There is a light at the end of the tunel..

That always seemed to help me when I was in your shoes

Good Luck

- Response by dana1148, A Player, Female, 36-45, Philadelphia, Who Cares?

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Trust me pay the child support split that assets and five years down the road you look back and laugh at this. Better to pay the bucks and rid yourself of her now than do it later. The kids will grow up and your financial obligations to her will be fulfilled, you will be remarried and life goes on. Chance are she will become a bitter old hag and resent you anyway.

- Response by william45, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Teaching

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well I've not been divorced, but I have been cheated on and I must say that you have to choose to move on and be happy and let go. If you dwell on this, and linger on it, it only serves to make you more miserable. I know it's hard, I have been there, But you have to make a decision that she's not going to get to you that way anymore. As hard as it is to face, she doesn't want to be with you any longer, and it's terrible that the court systems set up for fathers to fail at getting custody. I mean a mother literally has to hurt one of them to get them taken away. She will get child support, but 25% of your pay is high, is that the norm in your state? Your lawyer should be able to get that reduced especially if she's working. It hurts because you're still holding on to what you used to have, and once you let go, it won't hurt so bad. It makes it hard to take that next breath and step, you want to give up and huddle under the covers and let it all go, but that's not going to help your kids and it won't get you anywhere either. It sounds like you might have situational depression and you should really get counseling-all of you, because this is especially hard on the kids. Good luck to you!

- Response by sweet1w8ing4u, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Cincinnati, Other Profession

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Heart break is never easy. But the decision was made so if you know you couldn't continue to live with her, what choice do you have? Be good to your kids. And show them as much love and affection as you can. As for yourself I reccommend you go online and investigate a program called HoloSync. It will ease your mind and stem your ache and once more give you the drive and ambition to get past this uprooted path you face.
(www.centerpointe.com)

- Response by iamasamos, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older

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The best advise i can give you is to always make sure the kids are protected. Let them know you love them very much and that it is not their fault. I just went threw the same thing, 14 yrs abuse and i had to leave. The kids got hurt in the process but every day i let them know that i loved them and that they were in no way to blame, i never put their father down ( even tho they watched and seen it all) to them and told them i would never give up what i have to turn it back and change it. Its been a year now and they are doing alot better. My oldest told me the other day that he really apperciated me always letting him know that they were not at fault and for not bashing his father to them. that is what helped him heal. It will get better in time, it has for me, but some days it still feels fresh i know. Best of luck.

- Response by lilmonster, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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