My Wife Hates Me Being a Musician
I am a musician, songwriter and vocalist and my wife hates it. I am in a 4-man band and am the lead singer, I play the keyboards and we are very well-liked in the local entertainment established. I have a great voice and playing skills which I gained growing up as a preacher's kid. Being a musician is part of my soul. I practice, or play out one evening per week. I consider myself pro-level and have three accompanying musicians. We are all degreed career professionals and are gainfully employed with day-jobs.
I have a perfect studio in my house for practicing music. My wife is so incredibly mean and rude to my musician friends, that I can not practice at my house. We tried it before, even a low levels and she went berzerk on us. Giving up my music is not an option. I have been married for 9 years and have two boys of 5 and 7 years old.
Now here's the rest of the story: When I married my current wife, I had been broken up with an ex-fiance' for 2-1/2 years. The ex-fiance'is a recording artist in Nashville. As a result of having my heart broken by my ex-fiance', and having my musicianship slandered by a couple of friends of hers, I threw-in the towel.
When I met my current wife, I was not playing and did not play for three years into the marriage. Then one night I attended an open-mic night with some friends from work at a local establishment. They knew I play, so they taunted me to go up and so I did. I went up to the stage and played three songs on the piano and sang. The crowd not only clapped, they cheered and yelled after each song. After leaving the stage, these guys from a local band asked me if I would come play with their band. I said that I would come jam with them just once. After that one session with them, I was hooked and have been ever since. It was like a big dark black veil had been lifted from my face. It actually brought me a lot of joy and happiness. Yes my kids bring me joy and happiness, but this is different. It's in my soul.
My wife won't back down, she fights me every little step of the way about me going to rehearsal with my band members once a week and whenever I try to practice in my home studio, she interrupts me and is quite rude to me. She said that she didn't marry a musician and that I have lost my head and should be paying attention to her instead.
It's to the point I hate my wife sometimes, I don't have sex with her anymore, but she's a good mother to my boys and I don't want to loose them. She's staunch in me quitting music and when she brings it up, we both get so angry that it gets explosive. She tells me that my music is a childish obsession that I should have gotten over as a teenager.
If I gave up my music, sold my piano, microphone and sound system, and instead gave her the 5 hours per week that I'm giving to music, then she would be much more content and it might save my marriage. To do so would be the same as locking me in a cage and taking away my greatest pleasure and release in life.
Maybe I should divorce? I don't want to loose my boys. Does my love and need for music sound like a childish obsession to everyone else?
Update: September 14, 2007.
Very good advice. I am faithful to my wife and some responses have indicated I would stray and start having affairs with women that throw themselves at me. Well, I have never cheated on anyone I've been in a relationship with in my life and never will. It's a habit that goes out of control with one affair. I have more control than that. Some very good advice here on reassuring my wife that my music passion is not a replacement for my passion for her, but something that must be balanced into our lives so that we maintain marital harmony. I'm going to work on this. Wish me luck.
- Asked by 88hotkeys
, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Charlotte, Science / Engineering