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Love dilution
love dilution / Family & Parenting / 5:17 PM - Wednesday September 12, 2007
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An Alternative Girl (Male, Brest, 18-21) asked:


There is such a thing as having too many children. "Love dilution". That is the term I use for large families. I put that number at 4 children. 5 or more children - some of them will feel somewhat neglected and less loved.

That is not to say the parents love any of their children less. I am saying parents cannot find the time to spend equally among all their 4+ children. This is similar but not the same as small children becoming jealous of a newborn's attention.

Do you believe "love dilution" for large families or just a crackpot idea?


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A Thinker (Female, 46-55, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: justpassingthru


I think it's pretty accurate. If it wasn't, why would families with tons of kids always expect the older ones to pitch in and help with the younger ones?

I think it's unfair - turning your older children into parents because *you* want more kids than you can handle.

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A Thinker (Female, 29-35, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: mountainchic


I think that some kids will always feel neglected or lacking in attention, regardless of how many siblings they have. My family is catholic on all sides - so massive huge families with kids running all over the place, and I don't believe I've heard anyone complain of love dilution (One family has NINE kids!)

In fact, we're all pretty smug about our family. We wonder what it's like for all the 'other' people in the world who don't have this incredible network of people who love them.

Do 'normal' sized families feel lonely because at any time there aren't 15 people ready and willing to be there for you?

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A Career Woman (Female, Charlotte, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: thottienc


This can happen in any size family though I see where it'd be more an issue in a larger one. I grew up in a family of 7. Somehow we were all ok but we had each other to give and receive attention when we needed it. Its pretty fun too. Lol

My thing is too many children when you can't afford to give them all what they need when they need and some of what they want when they want it. That may be money, but it could be time, attention, one on one relationship building, etc.

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A Thinker (Female, New York, 26-28, Student) answered:

Screenname: km12


I don't think its love dilution, its time dilution. There are only so many hours in the day.

I don't think its as simple as how many kids. My cousin only has 3, but 2 are babies (twins) and the third is a pre-schooler. They adore their kids, but don't always have as much time to spend with each kid as they'd like. I used to work with an autistic boy and I alway felt bad for his older brother, a special needs child just takes up so much time. It can even happen with two regular children, some kids just want more attention than they can get.

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A Hippie Chick (Female, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: goodlucky1


I guess it's possible. But it's also possible for the child not to get enough attention in small families where the parents are very busy or self-absorbed.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, 22-25, Artist / Musician / Writer) answered:

Screenname: dontknowitall34


Marsha Marsha Marsha

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A Creative (Female, 29-35) answered:

Screenname: undecidedfuture1


I think there can be some truth to that. I'm an only child who has no kids, though; so what do I know?

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A Cool Mom (Female, New York, 36-45, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: swemur1


I think large familys in the long run have a more stable soild faimly structure in total in that there is so much and so many people their might not be as much one on one time per child by parent but also the child is always in the company of other family membersno matter hgow many children you have or what there ages there will always be jealosy and sibling rivalery!!My daughter was 14 when I had my son. she had always been the BABY she was and probably still is in some ways jealous and feels that was robbed from her!

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A Father Figure (Male, New York, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: sg311


Ok this is hysterical. True Story...

When my ex and talked about having kids, I thought about this very thing and I told her I couldn't see how more than 4 could each get the attention they need.

She was one of 6, and therefore wanted 6. I was not convinced.

The result??

Four pregnancies...

...six kids.

We had two sets of twins!

And the REAL answer to both of our questions abeeser...hypotheticall y more than 4 is too many. But once they're here, its you and them against the world!

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A Thinker (Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: barbb


I had more then 4 children and none of them suffered from lack of attention or anything else. You just have to be organized and have your priorities streight. None of the boys felt less loved at anytime and have told me this since they have become adults!!

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A Guy Critical (Male, Calgary, 29-35, Technical) answered:

Screenname: drevil77m


I don't believe that at all... you love them all equally. Do you have as much time to spend with them? No, obviously not, but the other siblings pick up a lot of the slack there. And over time they'll have their siblings around for more of their life than their parents anyway.

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, 22-25, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: enduring


I come from a family of 10 children, I see your point and see some truths in it. I would never ever trade any part of my life growing up in a large family. I have learned to many life lessons. Some of my siblings did feel they weren't loved as much as others, but I have always felt loved and appreciated.

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