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Wedding guests!
Wedding guests! / Married Life / 7:11 PM - Tuesday June 12, 2007
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(Female, Who Cares?) asked:


My fiance keeps telling his single friends that its ok for them to bring dates to our wedding. I am very uncomfortable with this because we already have too many guests coming AND it is a very expnsive wedding (each new guest adds a big expense). What can I do???


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An Intellectual Guy (Male, San Diego, 29-35, Military) answered:

Screenname: citizensoldier


Careful on this one!! If cost is an issue, why not ask him if his family can spring for the cost of the additional people? Not every family is made of money and your groom needs to understand and respect that.

How you handle him will carry a long time in the years to come. A wedding is a life-long memorable event. If you stiff-arm him, he will remember that.

Marriage involves the concept of compromise. You're working towards marriage, so why not practice those basic tenets now? Talk it out and make it work!

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A Thinker (Female, 29-35, Student) answered:

Screenname: azureb


Is it a matter of food? Guest tables?

...Then limit them to just the wedding and let them know the reception is "limited space/already reserved".

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A Thinker (Female, Toronto, 46-55, Consulting) answered:

Screenname: trawna


Did you discuss the guest list with him? Surely he understands there are limits because of budget, size of venue, etc.

This is actually a good test of his strength of mind, ability to set parameters for friendships once married, realistic grasp of finances, etc.

All he has to do is tell his friends (who have the nerve to ask!) is that the guest list is set and there will be a few tables of friends so they'll have company. The ones he has already said yes to... if your parents are paying for the wedding, he can pay for the extra meals. If you two are paying for the wedding, it comes out of his allowance... because with his grasp of finances, surely you'll be handling them within the marriage... ;).

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A Career Woman (Female, Dallas, 36-45, Lawyer) answered:

Screenname: kirsey


Tell him to shut up and let you handle the wedding, his family isn't paying for it!! Maybe not in that way, but get a guest list and tell him you guys have to stick to it, no last minute dates!!

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A Mr. Married Guy (Male, New York, 36-45, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: cmgr


Hi

This is the perfect time to see how you two 'work things out' if you are able to resolve this by discussing it then you should be able to tackle the much bigger issues that await you once you are married. Good Luck and Congrat's!!!!

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A Career Woman (Female, 46-55, Managerial) answered:

Screenname: hnygrl


You COULD show him the bills for the wedding...

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A Thinker (Female, New York, 26-28, Student) answered:

Screenname: km12


Does he realize how much each extra guest costs? Does he know the size limitations of the place? Were you planning on doing a singles table with both your single friends (equal number of guys and girls)?

You need to sit down and discuss all of this. And if he's not paying, he's going to have to explain a few things to his friends.

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A Career Woman (Female, Dallas, 36-45, Lawyer) answered:

Screenname: kirsey


You thought my advice was worthy of a zero rating?? God, I'm glad I didn't say what I originally thought about what you should do...I'd have been jerked for sure:):)

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55) answered:


sit him down and let him know how you feel honesty is the best thing.

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: cybilhuh


Please forgive me but I am sure that your fiance is simply trying to please his guests.
I am sure that you want his wedding day to be as good as yours.
There are two of you getting married on that day not just you.
Many women forget that the wedding day is for the groom as well as the bride.
It is important for the two of you to discuss and agree on what will be happening on that day.
Sit down with him and discuss how much everything will cost and be sure he is comfortable with the costs.
As long as he knows what his actions are costing then maybe he will understand.

Good luck

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A Thinker (Female, Washington, DC, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer) answered:

Screenname: momster1974


Well if he's not paying for the wedding, inform him that HIS family will have to pay for the extra guests otherwise tell him to CUT IT OUT

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A Guy Critical (Male, Atlanta, 46-55, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: dvgic


allow him to get married alone~m

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55, Financial / Banking) answered:


As a single person, when I'm invited to a wedding, I assume it's OK for me to bring a date. If I'm told I cannot brin gone, I probably wouldn't go. I have never, ever had anyone tell me not to bring a date. I think that's rude. It makes the single people feel uncomfortable to be forced to come alone.

Ask your fiance to help with the costs - or just don't invite any single people.

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