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Active Questions

Why doesn't he call me more often?
Dating / 2:26 AM - Monday April 09, 2007

Why doesn't he call me more often?

How much does a man's frequency in communicating with a woman say about his interest level in her?

I'm seeing a man who isn't good at staying in touch by phone or email. We were close friends before we started seeing each other, and he was bad at communication then, so I know that this is normal for him. He truly has a very busy schedule between his job and other responsibilities. He's pretty consistent about making sure we get together regularly, but he just doesn't call or email in between seeing each other (even though we're quite close). Sometimes he doesn't even return a call or reply to an email when it would be expected. I only contact him maybe twice a week myself, so I don't think he's just annoyed by me.

He always seems glad to hear from me, but he's just not good at remembering to call or email me now and then if we haven't talked in several days. He does sometimes call out of the blue and we'll talk for an hour or two, but it's a surprise when it happens.

Now, I'm comfortable with not talking every single day, but when I'm seeing someone and I'm usually the one who has to contact him, I begin to feel like I'm not a high priority to him. I mean, if he was thinking about me, he'd call me more often than twice a month, right? Are my feelings justified, or do some men just not see it this way?

- Asked by A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Teaching

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The best way to find out what's going on is to ask him why he doesn't respond. And in a kind way -- wrap it in packaging about how much you care about him so it doesn't come across as nagging -- tell him that you at least want to hear back from him when you leave a message that begs a response. If he's understanding and changes his habits, you've got a relationship that can grow. If he's a jerk about it or says he'll do better but doesn't, that's shows that this guy may not care enough about you or the relationship.

The second best way to find out what's going on is to stop contacting him. See what he does. Yeah, it gets into some game-playing, but it sounds to me like you need to level the playing field a bit. You keep contacting him and he doesn't respond. You've given him the upper hand, because he knows you'll keep coming back. I wouldn't recommend doing this for very long or for more than one or two cycles of communication, because it is getting into games, a pattern best avoided. But it's a good test to tell you where you stand with him: Does he care enough to chase you down if you make yourself scarce?

- Response by notreallyjoe, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I agree, if you are important to him, you are on his mind and he wants to call. When you are important he will make the time.
Its far more than communication skills at this point. You are proabably an ego boost for him. Knowing you make yourself available to him , without much effort on his part. I can understand buzy, but theres no reason not to return a call or email in a reasonable timeframe.


- Response by meowbaby559, A Trendsetter, Female, Who Cares?, Celebrity

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I hate to say this, but I would be very surprised if this relationship lasts much longer. Good Communication is crucial in a good relationship. If you arent talking much you arent building the kind of bond that will be strong enough to carry you through the tough times. Believe me on this, there will be some tough times, and thats when all those years of being able to talk with each other will pay for itself. Its about trust, honesty, committment, and communication. The communication part builds the other three and strengthens the bond between you.

You just picked a guy with bad communication skills. Perhaps you might try talking to him about this. If he is truly committed to you he will work on this for you as well as for him. I wish you luck.

- Response by hippyboss, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Technical

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Like you said, you knew before you started dating that he wasn't very good at communicating...give him some time to get used to being in a relationship and allow him some time to start contacting you...he's probably not used to having someone he cares about being there for him and from what you have said, he likes being with you...he just needs to get comfortable with the fact that he now has someone 'there' for him...:)

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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