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Active Questions

Sleeping on the couch
Dating / 1:02 PM - Friday April 06, 2007

Sleeping on the couch

How do you make a relationship work when you don't share the same bed? My boyfriend & I have been together for 2.5 yrs and we don't sleep together because he is a light sleeper. We don't live together, just see each other on the weekends. I am tired of sleeping on the couch. Need advice....

- Asked by livelovelaugh16, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Other Profession

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At 2.5 years, your boyfriend should know if he sees a future with you, and by now, should have found a way around this. I'm not saying he should be proposing - I AM saying that at this point, he should have decided that you are a priority, and that you two figure out a way to get used to sleeping in the same bed.

Talk to him about this.....maybe over a holiday, when you have a couple of weeks togther, you sleep in the same bed and see how it goes, without worry about having to get up early the next day. And he should see his doctor and get a referral to a sleep specialist.

At any rate, it can't go on like this. And he should be embarrassed that you've had to resort to the sofa.

The problem isn't so much the sleeping issue...but the fact that he isn't taking a serious initiative in solving it.

- Response by sakura1, A Player, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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I'm a light sleeper, but it's not an issue for my husband and myself because we have a California King size waterbed. The bed is HUGE, it gives us plenty of room when we want to play, and is also big enough that we each have enough space to sleep comfortably.

I have a friend who temporarily had to sleep apart from his wife, because his snoring got so bad she couldn't sleep. When he got surgery to cure his snoring, they were able to sleep together again.

Here's an idea for your situation - maybe you can get two twin or full size beds and put them in the master bedroom so you can sleep in the same room. When y'all are making love, push the beds together. Afterwards, for sleeping, you can push the beds apart. That is if the problem is that he gets woken up when you toss and turn in bed.

If the problem is that he just can't sleep in the same room with you... some European nobles have separate bedrooms for husband and wife, I guess maybe he should set up a separate bedroom for you. However, even if it's a small space, he needs to get you your own room. Maybe he can get a futon, where it can act like a sofa during the day and a bed at night, and set it up in the office. But after 2 1/2 years, you should not have to keep sleeping on the couch.

As a side note - are you the one always visiting him? If so, why? It seems a bit one-sided if he is not doing his share of the travel.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Oy.. now THAT'S one I haven't heard of for younger couples! I can't imagine not being able to cuddle up to my hubby in my sleep and believe me, he flings body parts around like a demented mortician throughout the night!

Your partner won't get over being a "light-sleeper" until he has had to go through a few nights of getting used to someone else being in there with him. Many of us are "light-sleepers" when we have slept alone for a period of time.

Tell him to "move over"... Unless of course, he has a bed-wetting problem or something...

This doesn't get better without getting "used to" the other person.

- Response by silkenfire, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Teaching

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WHAT?? Get the boy some ambian or something similar. no way am I with my s/o to sleep on the couch. Dang girl. that has got to be tiresome no pun intended.

- Response by grasshopper2, A Rebel, Male, 56-65, Dallas, Who Cares?

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To be blunt, I think your relationship is just about weekend sex for him. "light sleeper" sounds like a bullshit excuse for emotional distance to me. I wouldn't tolerate a relationship such as you are describing.

- Response by greekattorney, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Political / Government

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Sounds very strange.

- Response by chickymama46, A Life of the Party, Female, 56-65, New Orleans, Medical / Dental

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greekattorney said it for me!!!!!!

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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