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The Inside of a Misogynist...
Sex & Intimacy / 5:43 PM - Monday April 09, 2007

The Inside of a Misogynist...

Have you ever wondered how to spot a misogynist (woman-hater)? Not all of them are walking around shooting women dirty looks or never having anything to do with women. Some of them can really be quite charming. Many of them jump from one relationship to the next without a backward glance.

If you understand the inside of a misogynist, it will help you to figure out what on earth is wrong with them. The reason they are misogynists is because many cultures raise boys to believe it is not masculine to show "need". They hate that women have the power to make them feel such tremendous need so hiding behind the face of a misogynist is often the mask behind which they hide their own hatred of the need within themselves...

I am saddened by so many of the men calling women "sluts" and "whores" here... These are the guys who hate the need inside themselves and the power women have with their softness and their ability to make them feel in a way that they can't come to feel on their own...

Wanna join the misogynists' list today? Or do you want to be proud of your very masculine ability to need, want and be loved?

Your choice guys...

Update: April 10, 2007.
Marvin Martian... You have asked me, on the heels of your statement that some men are capable of love that is deeper and more passionate than some women, to comment on what I think men should be. I write to say that I fully agree that many men are not only capable but desirous of the deeper love you describe. Unfortunately, I don't have a template through which every man must pass or be considered to be falling "short" in the ability-to-love department. The post your question relates to was intended to point out the discomfort some men have with their primal "need" of a woman and where that discomfort may take them. I guess if I was to answer what men should strive to be in THIS vein, I would be answering that men (AND women) should be striving towards greater levels of self-knowledge, self-honesty and self-acceptance so that the passionate love they feel doesn't become controlled by fear. Instead it becomes something to be proud of. To be able to live peacefully within our own skin is to be able to fully appreciate all of the gifts we were given as human beings. When we accomplish this, there is no need to call ALL of one gender sluts, whores and well.. you get my message I am sure.

Update: April 10, 2007.
Thank you to those who responded thoughtfully to my post. This message is largely intended for Wordsmith and Periwinkle... Periwinkle... How does one "over-dramatize" misogyny or androgyny for that matter? These things ARE operative in our society and where they are operative, their impact is nothing less than a jarring sledgehammer to the unsuspecting person who has not acknowledged that such a thing exists. You say that you feel a dislike for women who "commoditize" their sexuality but you fail to acknowledge the system that teaches them that their sexuality IS a commodity to be used, bought and sold. Why not dislike the system that so oppressed women for so many years that it literally entrenched the value in so many generations? How should I have "understated" something that has had so much impact on the sexes throughout the years? Wordsmith... While I was "scraping" my shoes, I thought of how you must have felt when in trying on the "shoes" I advanced, you found that they fit a little too well. If you re-read it, you will see that I was careful to say that there are signs to being able to spot a misogynist among men. For you to come at me with "get over yourself lady", is for you to brand yourself as personally injured by the contents of my post. Your crystal ball is cracked.. I am NOT going to say, "That's not what I meant". Instead I am going to say, "If you read something that makes you feel that you need to respond aggressively, it is by your own twisted perceptions that you think I was advancing the idea of placing women on a pedestal. You have not acknowledged the public and private placement of power as between men and women over the years and your post indicates that you are still worried that women may come to understand that boys ARE raised to hide anything that shows "need" whereas girls are raised to be quite okay with any dependency they might have on men. It's been my experience that when someone starts calling deeper thought "ego/maniacal psycho-babble", it's because they fear anyone who is deeper than your average mud-puddle. It appears to me that while I am scraping MY shoes, you might want to consider passing up the comfortable fit of the shoes I posted about to engage in some meaningful psycho-babble to add to your own rather superficial perceptions and obvious hostility.

- Asked by silkenfire, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Teaching

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It's easy to hate men who use the word "slut" or "whore." It's also easy to dismiss this as a hatred of women. But I really think that this attitude is a symptom of a deeper problem. I don't think it's misogyny specifically... if you want to use that term, it needs to be re-defined a bit. I think misogyny implies a knowing hatred specifically towards women, but this isn't the case in the type of man you described. I think that, in the type of man you described, there is a lack of self-acceptance which comes out in hurtful ways - i.e., any form of abuse. But this kind of abuse is just a symptom of the deeper problem... deep down, guys like this do not accept themselves... the apparent misogyny is merely a symptom. It's partly our culture and it's partly the individual person who are responsible for this kind of attitude.
Either way, it's a real problem. Some barriers need to be broken.

- Response by matte, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28, Student

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I like your answer, but I don't think its the whole story. Most misogynists have pretty low self-esteem and need to feel better than someone else, men are often "better" than them (bigger, taller, smarter, more accomplished) so they choose women. If a woman is sexual, she's a slut. If she's chaste, she's a frigid bitch. If she has her own opinion, she's a bitch. If she dates, she's a gold digger. If she's married, she's a ball-breaking bitch. A woman can't win.

- Response by km12, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, New York, Student

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your talkin crap!!

this is a mans world

- Response by greatest, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Administrative

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<--- misogynist.

- Response by eemo, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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just wanted to say that's a real good one girl :D

- Response by maro, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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What's creepy is that there are even WOMEN who hate women....

I am a feminist. Go on, bash me. Villify me. Frackin' crucify me. I don't care about the bad rap feminism has aquired.

I am a feminist. I belive that women are entitled to all the same rights that men are.

When I see a misogynist, I quietly lament the backwards slide of civilization.

- Response by mistresswench69, A Player, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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I'm going to disagree with you on what is inside a misogynist. A misogynist hates women for a reason and it's not denial of internal "need." It's got to do with something they've lost to women whether perceived or real.

For example, divorce courts are great creators of misogynists. Divorce courts routinely minimize men and the role of the father in childrens' lives. A man who's gotten the sort end of the stick can easily become a misogynist. I guess this could be a need... a need for their children that are being blocked by a woman.

Another example would be radical feminists stating that marriage is just rape with meaningful looks.

I believe there are many things that can create a misogynist but I don't think that denying some underlying need is the source.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55

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I agree that slut/ whore should never be applied to anyone. Some people like sex more than others/ don't care about mores/ don't care what others think/ are just being very selfish/ are sowing wild oats/ etc. who cares? it is what they want.

For anyone to place their label on another person or their behavior is like any label. Dead wrong!!..Keep your labels to yourself!

Others don't call those responses stupid or naive or whatever so why should you use easy labels to make others feel bad?

- Response by thepalm, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Executive

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It's as simple as this: Our society has become completely feminist since the start of the 60s. Womens rights have become women's entitlements. The age of male dominance is over. It's a power struggle that women have won. In the end,it's all about power,money and sex. Those are the three drives humans seek to fulfill. It's all science. Women know that their power lies in their sexuality. Without it,they have no power over men. So what do they do? They use it to the best of their ability, in order to attain wealth (by marrying a rich guy mostly). The problem is that feminism has given rise to the notion that women are MORE powerful than men and that they deserve MORE than men. It was supposed to be a push for EQUAL rights. But, the idea has manifested into the self entitlements as described earlier. So in todays world, men are constantly belittled and made to feel "less than" a woman. Men have become emasculated to the point that they are no longer men. Women know they have the power, and thus,they walk around acting like they own the place. Is it any wonder why men are slowly becoming misogynists?? I have come to loathe most women myself, simply because i see them for what they are: Self centered, entitled, egomaniacal,power hungry you know what's...It's just a fact. Look around and you'll see i'm right. Women can spin it however they choose, but the evidence is pretty everywhere. Sadly, this could have been prevented had women simply accepted an EQUAL share of the pie. But women don't want an equal share. They want to be in control at all times. That's part of their game. Women want men to bow down to them, and to serve their every need,hope, wish,desire....This is how the avg women describes a MAN..If a man can not take care of her and provide all they desire, the man is labeled as a loser, a pussey, a dead beat etc etc...I honestly have no idea why any man would want to marry anymore. The court system favors women. It always has. Most of the time the man has his kids taken away yet still has to pay child support, all the while being vilified by his ex wife. The wife then seeks to poison the minds of the children against the father, making him out to be some sort of monster. And of course, women run to their friends for support, and this only reinforces the notion that "men suck"...Basically,men can not win. It's a complete catch 22. So i guess the only real question is this: Why do men even bother with women in the first place?? why put yourself through such torture?? I guess the power of a woman's vagina really is that strong....As for me, i am done with women alltogether.I've seen enough to know that they are just not worth it.

- Response by poet2277, A Rebel, Male, 36-45

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Women more often than not play this little game wherein they are the all powerful, big Kahuna.
Afraid of a womans power? Hate the need inside themselves?
Get over yourself woman. Am I a woman hater? No. I respect women. After all, my mother was one. But neither am I prepared to let slide the egomaniacal fantasy/ psycho-babble concoction you're serving either. Women have needs every bit as strong as men, if not exactly the same fashion. what you're attempting to do is put women on some marble pillar high above any man so unfortunate as to have been made of flesh, while of course any man who dares disagree that a woman is the gate-keeper to a mans needs soul and denies that he needs a woman more than he needs air to breath if damned as a woman-hater.
how could he be otherwise. he dares breath before before bowing down and acknowledging that a woman is not human as is man, but something akin to the Gods, else why would man be put on earth to serve her every need, and suffer so greatly in the throes of his mighty need for her.
I know. you say...that's not what you meant...right?
Yeah, it was exactly what you meant...I just shined a little more light on it, and after scraping it off my shoe, I recognized it for what it was.
You need to check your shoes, lady.

- Response by wordsmith, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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You are way overdramatizing this.

I think those terms, too, for women who commoditize their sexuality .
I don't hate women, I just loathe to see women treat themselves poorly.

- Response by periwinkle, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65, Other Profession

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