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Does he just want a fuck buddy?
Sex & Intimacy / 2:11 PM - Monday January 15, 2007

Does he just want a fuck buddy?

Last spring I started dating this guy and it ended within a month... it was a great month and seemed longer than that because we really connect with each other. For reasons that didn't make sense, he said we should just be friends. After that I would send him messages every couple months to see how he was. He'd respond back, but never initiated anything. Recently he texted me and asked me to come over at 2am. I went over, we messed around, but I told him we couldn't have sex... however the end result was that we did. Somewhere in the middle of that, he said we should do this more often, be fuck buddies. I told him no. Here's what I don't understand. He still wanted to please me during all of this, he still held my hand on the way upstairs... during sex and on the way out. At another time I said, I am not going to be your booty call and his response was you're not, we're friends. However I think a lot of it is lip service. The question is how can I tell if all he wants is sex, or does he at least consider me a friend. He hasn't asked me to hang out since he said we should just be friends, but now he's initiating this... that is sex and not hanging out. Is the answer that clear even though he was sweet to me while I was there?

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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A few months after my divorce 15 years ago, I thought I was ready to start dating again. I met a great guy through the single ads in the local newspaper. I thought that I found the right guy, he was handsome, funny, such a gentleman, but I noticed that he always wanted to have sex when I got to his apartment, then I would go home. He actually came out and said to me that this was just purely a sexual relationship. I was shocked, to say the least, and I had a choice: Continue with his charades, have sex - and really good sex it was.. Or, do I stay true to myself and wait for the guy that is going to sweep me off my feet, love me, really love me - and make sex secondary. I chose #2 and although it took a while to meet "Mr. Right," I am getting married again in two months. If I stayed with "sex addict buddy" I don't think I would be where I am today.. I think you have to ask yourself what's more important to you - the friendship with benefits, or waiting a while until you meet your Mr. Right? I mean, how could you meet Mr. Right, if you are with Mr. Wrong??

- Response by suzyscorp, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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trust your instincts on this one-i've known guys to be sweet as a nut but it's all lies, they are born liars it's how they get most girls in bed. It's up to you to judge on his actions, it's horrible to think you might be being used and trying to assess it to stop yourself being a doormat but if you already have doubts then it could be true, you clearly don't trust him completely

- Response by nico88, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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You seem to think that a guy would not be sweet to his fuck buddy. Not true. You would want to treat the fuck buddy as nicely as you possibly could, without it impinging on your life, so that she would stay a fuck buddy.

So, for whatever reason, he thinks he can convert you from acquaintance to fuck buddy. You are not even a "friend" since you don't do anything but show up at his place at 2am and have sex. He is thinking "man, am I ever horny, maybe I will give old (your name here) a call. She is good in bed" So he does and you come over.

He also knows that a good fuck needs to be good for both of you if he wants you to do it again. So he tried to be as nice a possible. Making sure you were having a good time. And its almost working.

But your gut knows you are just an easy lay for him. You don't hang out together, you haven't seen him for months, and now he's telling you that you are friends. No, you are just an easy fuck. I am sorry but thats the truth.

Tell him, you don't want to do that with your life. If you did you would charge for it and make some serious money. You will be happy to be his friend. Please call when he wants to do something that doesn't have you on your back. You will be happy to go with him.

- Response by welloone, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 66 or older, Retired

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He wants what he wants when he wants it. He wants to be excused for forgetting about you for weeks and then coming back - he may want to act all sweet and generous too. Sometimes.

He's being honest with you and you aren't listening. He wants a friend with benefits. It's painfully clear.

- Response by snafu, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Toronto, Financial / Banking

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He is just saying what you want to hear. By saying we're just friends, it gets you more comfertable to give him what he wants.

This guy is nothing but a booty call. He never once asked you to go get ice cream, watch a movie, go see his friends- now thats a friend. But only to call you to come by at 2 am... like come on it cant be anymore clear than that- he just wants sex from you and you keep giving in to it.

If you dont want to be his booty call, then cut all ties with him. It seems like he has his way with words with you that you keep falling for, so just dont go see him anymore.

- Response by mysticqt, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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Previously you told him you were not going to be a booty call, but then you went over at 2am just because he sent you a text message? You told him you would not be fuck buddies and said the two of you could not have sex, but then you agreed to have sex with him anyway?

You never do anything together but have sex.

And you have a question just because he held you hand?


- Response by falconf1, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Ottawa, Who Cares?

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Yes, the answer is clear. He's not a jerk, and he enjoys being with you and having sex with you. He enjoys the closeness of holding hands and being with you, but he doesn't want a committment.

Guys are going to say what you want to hear in order to get you to agree to have sex with them. When he says he want f-buddies and friends - he means he wants to be able to call you whenever he wants and have sex with you with no strings attached.

That means no calls inbetween sexual get-togethers. No dinner dates. Nothing. He'll call you and be nice to you and treat you sweetly while you're together. To him, it's better than having one-night-stands.

But, you need to know that it will probably never turn into anything more than this. It's really hard for girls to not get emotionally attached when they are intimate with someone. Since you are posting this question, I'm inclined to believe that you care about this guy and want it to be more than what it is, so you could be setting yourself up for disappointment.

The kind of woman who can handle this kind of relationship is one who doesn't really care what he's thinking and doesn't try to figure him out or read between the lines or hopes it will turn into more. She's the woman who enjoys sex, prefers one partner and isn't interested in a committed relationship either.

I'd think long and hard about what your motives are for continuing this relationship. You are the only one who has to live with the consequences of your decision. He won't. He's already made it clear that he's completely comfortable with it. No matter what you decide to do, he won't give it a second thought. If it's not you, he'll find someone else. If it bother's you to hear that, you definitely need to stay away from him because you will get your heart broke - one way or the other.

Good luck.

- Response by azgylf, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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its obvious he wants a fuck buddy believe me i date this guy n he did the same call me at 3 or 4 in da morning almost everyday n we stoped for like 2 weeks n he is doing it again he will make up things like we friends n i just want to plz u n shit

- Response by thiknena19, A Life of the Party, Female, 29-35, Student

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I think the answer is pretty clear. He wants to be fuck buddies with you. That's what it is. People who are friends while the sex is going on but when it stops etc? Friendship is over but they'll still be acquaintances. The question is are you ok with that?

- Response by katman9x, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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