Thank you for your many years of support. We want to share the news with you that after much consideration, will cease operations in its present format on October 15th. We appreciate your meaningful contributions over the years.
Back to Home

Active Questions

Learning to relax during sex?
Sex & Intimacy / 3:06 PM - Friday October 07, 2005

learning to relax during sex?

While me and my guy were being intimate I couldn't breathe and was short of breathh especially while we were have anal sex(1st time doing that). He just kept telling to relax and that would help me breathe. My question is what things can help me relax? Ladies just cha agree that it's hard to relax when you got something poking you in your anal hole. And we use lots of lubricant but I'm still sore two days later. What's up with that?

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Student

Read more about the Rating System

this is kinda like telling a laboring woman not to push or yell, it just ain't happening till you get used to it. Some anal lubes have anethetic in them that might help you out some. (check a site like adameve dot com for anal lubes with benzocain/lodicaine) Second have him work you up to his penis by using a finger then two to get you primed for that happening. My wife enjoys anal but we have to work her into it. If I just try myself to start with I hurt her. If you are willing to do that for him (since you obviously are not into it right now) he should be willing to do things that make it not as unpleasent for you. The breating thing is a panic reaction to the discomfort.

- Response by hoopsjunkie, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Indianapolis, Self-Employed

Rating Received:

You're not butt ugly are you? Maybe he was using the wrong hole. That would explain the breathing problem. lol

- Response by mromnicient, A Rebel, Male, 36-45, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

Rating Received:

it just takes awhile to get used to. I have not tried this myself, but a lot of women enjoy it, and it's like sex. The first time is not that great, but it gets better. Alot better!

- Response by cincy, A Sportif, Female, 22-25, Cleveland, Artist / Musician / Writer

Rating Received:

Well if it hurts during anal sex then the two of you are definately doing something wrong. If done correctly anal sex should only hurt initially upon insertion. If it were me and I told my partner I was having trouble breathing and was in pain he sure the hell better stop what he is doing and not just tell me to relax!!! It is true that you have to relax for anal sex to not hurt, this take practice. Allot of it has to do with your mindset. There are times I am just not into it mentally which in turn it will hurt and my partner and I will opt to choose something more pleasurable for the both of us. Sounds to me like he may be rushing things here and doesn't have enough patience with you, which for me would mean he isn't someone I would want to be doing this with. As far as you being sore for two days that is pretty normal if this was your first time and you weren't relaxed.

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

umm, don't have anal sex then?
You dont sound like you're enjoying it.
Sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable for BOTH people,
but you're at that age where you think you have to do it so he'll like you.

- Response by soookinky, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Toronto, Student

Rating Received:

Have a couple of drinks and make sure he is gentle. If he is ramming it up there, he isn't very considerate and you can probably tell that and feel it emotionally, which makes you tense have to like feeling naughty to enjoy anal....if you don't you probably won't relax and enjoy it.

- Response by jonmf76, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Executive

Rating Received:

You're going about it all wrong. Start wearing butt plugs - go from small and increase to a size commensurate with his dick size and have a couple drinks and do deep breathing techniques.

- Response by seasoned, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 26-28, Norfolk, Administrative

Rating Received: