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Problem with the parents
problem with the parents / Family & Parenting / 12:34 PM - Tuesday August 16, 2005
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A Life of the Party (Male, Los Angeles, 26-28, Who Cares?) asked:


What are you supposed to do if your parents want you to be someone you are not? I don't want to be specific, but basically my parents want me to have one career, and I want another career. If I take their career, I won't be happy, if I take my career I will be happy except for the fact that I've disappointed my parents. Besides this, they've been great parents, so I can't really write them off. Any advice?


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A Thinker (Female, 26-28) answered:


I made the mistake of listening to them and hating what I did, so I changed half-way and went on my own path. I excelled and regret the time I wasted. Don't do as I did and follow your passions please. Parents will love you no matter what. Don't worry about it.

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A Life of the Party (Male, 29-35, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: whippersnapper


When they see how happy you are and how hard you work at your career they will be happy for you. You will still get the occasional snide remarks but that is just part of it.

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, 18-21, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: jwer9104


You know what, I've had issues like this with my parents. Do what you think will make you happy. As your parents they will love you anyway, even though they are slightly disappointed. My parents have been disappointed with decisions I've made and they still stand by me and love me regardless. It is your life to lead. Because they brought you into your life and raised you, you should be thankful but should feel no guilt because you're grown and have made your own decisions. Explain to them that you appreciate them and you know they only want whats best, but this is what's best for you right now and you're going to go for it.

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A Guy Critical (Male, 22-25, Student) answered:

Screenname: thirdsacharm


Well, I think it's always best to do what makes you happy, even if it means disappointing other people. You're the person who has to live with that career. You've also got a chance your parents will accept your decision after a while, when they see you are happy. Never let someone else make such an important decision for you, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

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A Career Woman (Female, New York, 26-28, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: asianeyes


you don't have to write them off but your an adult now and you have the power to make your own decisions. let them know - in a respectful way of course that this is what you want to do and this is going to make you happy. they may be upset at first but i'm sure when they see your doing o.k. and your happy they will be happy for you too. good luck!!

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An Alternative Girl (Female, 26-28, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: squinen


You are an adult now, you don't need their permission to go into whatever career you want. If they really have been great parents then they will continue that way by being understanding and supportive. So many parents don't realise that children are not little replicas, put on this earth to undo their own past mistakes. I had the same thing with my parents, and I realised that I had to follow my heart; I've changed paths a lot of times now and I've ended up by going to the best University in the country because I stood up to my parents and made the decision to hold ooff from taking a definite path until I had really worked out who I am and where I wanted to go.

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A Married Girl (Female, New York, 29-35, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: danswer


Do what makes you happy, and in a perfect world seeing you happy should make your parents happy as well. Ask them why they wouldn't want you to persue your desires? Ask them why they would interfere with what truly makes you happy? Put them on the spot. Tell them they already lived their life and they should let you live yours, your certainly old enough to make your own decisions. But make sure you don't NEED them. For ex, if you chose to become a singer, and your a sucky singer you need a second job to support yourself. You cannot persue all the things you want while still depending on them financially (if that is the issue).

I know how your feeling...parents are so demanding sometimes. I've chosen to stop living for my Dad's approval. If you live to make them happy, and make choices based on their approval your going to end up being miserable, and kicking yourself in the ass for it. Tell them how you feel, tell them that you respect their opinion on how to live your life but you must do it on your own, as they did, even if that means making mistakes.

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A Player (Male, Toronto, 29-35, Executive) answered:

Screenname: laughingbandit


HOLD EVERYTHING.
what's the career you're lookin into and what's the career that your parents want you to go into?
Your parents are likely going to tell you to do what's practical.

I don't think that EITHER of you are wrong. But I wouldn't throw out what they're saying just yet. Why do they want you (and it's not because they want you to suffer) to pursue that career? What do you have against it that you don't want to do it? is it something that you can fall back on if your career of choice falls thru? or vice versa?

The choice is ultimately yours. But I think you have to think for yourself what's best for you, in ALL ways. Eventually, you have to put food on your own table. Will your career of choice be able to offer that? Is their career choice for you more lucrative? Is their career choice for you challenging enough for you?

What is it about your career choice (other than the fact that it's yours) makes it so much better?

These are all questions you should be asking yourself. And weight them out...obviously, certain things to you are going to bear more weight, but you're still young and you're still choosing. Why not take some time out to investigate further?

Bonne chance.

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