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Engaged before living together
Jokes, Polls & Anything Else / 8:28 AM - Wednesday June 15, 2005

Engaged before living together

On the topic of living together what do you think, is it wise to atleast be engaged first or is it marriage or nothing when it comes to level of committment?

- Asked by A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Calgary, Other Profession

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Personally I think its best if your at least engaged. My girl and I arent but she spends a lot of time at my apartment. We dont "live together" though. Im serious with her and would like to get married after college but I think its best for most people to wait until their either engaged or married before they move in together. I know too many people who move in together and then break up after a few months, isnt pretty.

- Response by 20something, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 29-35, Consulting

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My girlfriend and I moved in together after 8 months. We're now talking about getting engaged in a month. I think its important to live with someone before you commit to marriage. Living with someone is totally different than anything else, and you'll never know how it will go with them until you try it.

- Response by inpherno, A Guy Critical, Male, 22-25, New York, Internet / New Media

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I would recommend against it. I think it is important to have your own space to go to at times and to keep some of your independence. If you want to hang out mostly at his place or your place, then that is cool, but if things go sour then you still have your own place without the inconvenience of uprooting yourself again. I took the risk to move in with someone and now 3 years later his priorities of changed and he wanted out. Moving in together is a much bigger commitment emotionally then people tend to lead on. Just proceed with carefully.

- Response by bluebird2, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Well stats show that couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who wait until they are married.

- Response by goillini823, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 22-25, Chicago, Who Cares?

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I think most people would agree that you find out a hell of a lot more about someone from living with them - and obviously not all good!

I think the saddest thing to see is women moving in with their boyfriends thinking "great, he's making a commitment to me, next step marriage" and not realising it means nothing of the sort (other than providing cooking, cleaning, and sex on tap).

So I believe whether you get engaged beforehand or not is a personal decision, but i think its wise for anyone (male or female) to discuss their needs and expectations on the deal, the future of their relationship, and associated timeframe, before living together.


- Response by anonymouse32, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21

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I personally wouldn't live with someone before I married them. But, I think it works out with a lot of people if they move in shortly before they get married. A strength and deep level of commitment is needed for it to work long term, in most of the relationships I've seen.
I don't think a mere bf/gf commitment would keep that going 10 years down the road, and well, to be honest, it's harder to walk out on a marriage.

- Response by snpdragn, A Sportif, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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Against it... unless you plan to live the married life without actually getting married. A quote a girl once told me, I though it was hilarious. "Why buy the cow when you can milk it?"


- Response by varaff, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Washington, DC, Science / Engineering

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As someone who made the mistake of cohabiting prior to marriage twice, I can tell you that it is NOT a good idea. In both cases, we got engaged, and in both cases we never got married and the relationship ended. I also know a number of couples who got married after living together and they all got divorced.

Apparently cohabitating prior to marriage leads people to continue to think that, like cohabitation, you can always move out and leave. Statistics show that cohabitators prior to marriage are four times as likely to get divorced in the first 5 years of marriage than those who don't cohabitate. So, no, I will not live with a woman prior to marriage again.

- Response by A Life of the Party, Male, 36-45, Houston, Financial / Banking

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The statistics show that couples who live together prior to marriage often end up divorced. However, there was a study which found that if couples are at least engaged before moving in together, there chances of divorcing later were decreased by 45%. Personally, I wouldn't move in with my boyfriend unless we were at least engaged and planning our wedding.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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That final sentence should read.. "just proceed carefully" sorry, typing too fast :)


- Response by bluebird2, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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