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Taking things slow..
Dating / 1:22 AM - Tuesday May 17, 2005

Taking things slow..

Okay, so, I just cooked dinner for the girl I have been seeing for about a month and took her to a resort to walk around. So, we were at the resort walking around and holding hands. We sat down and ended up talking about 2 hours about her past relationships and why they went wrong. She told me that she wants to take it slow, and I told her the same, because all of the relationships that I have rushed into, only last a couple of weeks, so I told her that I felt the same way. Problem is, how slow should I take it? I told her that I wanted to take things slow so that our relationship is long-term and doesn't end abruptly. I do want to take things slow and I would like to be with her for a long term. So, how slow should I go? She said holding hands and the night I kissed her was too fast for her right now, since she just got out of a relationship where she was almost engaged. So, when is the right time to start holding hands and kissing then? How slow should I go to make this relationship last a long time? I like her a lot, she is the most comfortable girl I have been with ever, and she is gorgeous, by the way, I told her these things the other night at the resort. So, please help me out on keeping this relationship long-term. I would appreciate any and all answers, thanks!!

- Asked by A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 18-21, Phoenix, Veterinary

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I'd tell her that, since she seems to want to move slower, that you want her to be the one to decide what is and is not too fast. Make sure you're clear that you enjoy spending time with her and don't want to do anything to make her uncomfortable in the relationship. You don't want to make yourself out as being "weak", however, and so you should still make the plans for dates (choose the restaurant, movie, etc. - girls typically are turned off by the "what do you want to do" question). But by giving her the reigns on when you're moving on to the next level, you'll hopefully keep her from feeling threatened. Good luck.

- Response by swamplawyer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, New Orleans, Lawyer

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Well if she doesn't want to even hold your hand it sounds to me like she's not ready for a relationship of any kind. Holding hands is hardly even intimate so if she's having trouble doing that then what you have at the moment is not a relationship. If I were you I'd give her all the space she needs by dating other people, but continue to be her friend and hang out with her from time to time. If she's really into and wants a relationship with you then when she's ready she'll come around. One thing is for sure, if you push her or pressure her your relationship with her will never become long-term.

- Response by cougar1821, A Jock, Male, 22-25, Minneapolis, Technical

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Well when I met my husband at age 19, he saw me every night for a year and then we got married. He had just come back from Vietnam when we met. Taking it slow is the opposite of all that. I would let myself see where it goes with one date, then another and just enjoy each other's company. It doesn't mean you can't kiss her and hold her hand. Talk to her, get her input. You both may WANT to take it slow but as you are together, you may change your minds. Or you may not hit it off as well as you had thought you would. Treat her the way you treat someone you really like, with respect and candor, and it will have a life of its own. Every relationship is different, and you will just know what's up as you are into it, converse and spend time together. There is no set rule about anything. Good luck.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older, Philadelphia, Retired

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Do take it slow, she might need to feel a bit more comfortable, and she'll come around. When she feels she is ready she will probably make the first move. Be patient, if you like her that much give her time. Good luck and there should be more guys like you that cook for a girl and take on long walks, you are romantic, she will eventually let go and take a chance.

- Response by gina031378, A Life of the Party, Female, 26-28, Houston, Other Profession

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Man, I dont know how much slower she wants you to take things. I think from what you have said things are going pretty slow. I would just try and keep communicating with her and work through it. Good luck

- Response by Shamoo, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Oklahoma City

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There are MANY THINGS I COULD TELL YOU......BUT THERE IS AN OLD SAYING........"ONE PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS". SO, I will tell you then to go rent (or buy) the movie "The Notebook". It will tell you how to proceed..........If you need more help after that, get back to me.........Good Luck........

- Response by MOUNTAINMAN1, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Tampa, Retired

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let her make all the moves - just be there

- Response by jonr, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Sydney, Consulting

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You are doing fine. Just don't have sex with her for a long time, 3 months. Also get to know her. You have done the first steps to talk to her and keep there. And let things happen. Don't lable and enjoy your company. HAve a blast. also if you want to know exactly what is too fast or not, tlak to her and sit down what does take it slow means and discuss it. Then you will know. Communication is key. Good Luck!

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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you aren't going to like my answer, but sometimes "let's just take it slow" means "I like the attention you're paying to me, but I don't like you enough to sleep with you" Surely, if she's been seeing you for a month, you should be able to take a walk holding hands. She should WANT to kiss you, tho understandably, not be intimate yet.

- Response by liv2luv, A Hippie Chick, Female, 36-45, Boston, Fitness

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